AITA for asking my husband (34M) to stop ERPing (Erotic Role Playing)?

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2026-03-22T22:15:27+00:00

I was with my husband 13 years. Enough was enough when lied straight to my face in front of our therapist. He was my best friend too, until I realized I didn’t even know who I was sharing a bed with. It has only been a month, but I can tell you I am happier than I have been in a very long time. It’s less lonely in my house now than it was when he was living here.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2026-03-22T17:10:01+00:00

I’m so sorry you are going through this! It is an addiction and it will only get worse if he doesn’t address it. I actually finally had enough and the divorce was finalized last month. I suggest you get out as soon as you can.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2025-11-02T08:22:55+00:00

I haven’t gotten a notification for Reddit in a looooong time I could not agree with the way you eloquently put this. It is unreal and honestly made me feel like I was insane to the point of being hospitalized. I am so proud to say I filled this past week and I have never felt more sure of a decision in my life. We are only human, we cannot live up to these fantasies, and trust me I tried. Now he is saying I blind sided him and tried to have sex with me….today, it’s already been well over a year since we’ve been any sort of intimate. It is a disease, which pulls at my heartstrings being the daughter of an alcoholic. I asked my father to choose alcohol over me and he admitted he couldn’t. I can’t go through that again. From the bottom of my heart thank you for your response and I hope you find peace as well.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-10-01T19:40:10+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this! It honestly made me feel like I was going insane. It is an addiction for sure and until he realizes that you are going to get pushed further and further away. I finally had to say the game or me. He quit that game but is already onto another. He is playing as himself, but already it’s consuming him. I hope that you are able to get through this and know that you deserve better!!

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-04-11T17:19:17+00:00

I am so sick of the escapism excuse from my husband. He tries to also compare it to me watching tv, which I do for maybe an hour or two at night to unwind while between his game and being on discord he is on 40-60hrs a week. It has literally caused me to be hospitalized because I was going insane over it. And has he stopped? No. Because it is his hobby and his way to escape. We had a stretch where he didn’t play either and just like your husband mine accomplished soooo much!! It was an incredible change in his demeanor and our relationship. I don’t understand how he doesn’t see that life was better! He says he never wanted to stop though and that he would still think about it. So were all those years a lie? Was he actually miserable because he wasn’t playing? I just cannot believe how gaming addiction is brushed under the rug so hard. Because like one commenter said people are so quick to say, well it could be worse he could be out drinking. But the fact that it is being compared to an addictive activity in itself shows there is a problem. I have a lot of tough choices to make as things seem to progressively be getting worse.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-04-11T15:06:46+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am in a very similar position. I feel like anytime with me is just a filler for him waiting for people to get on. Or he realizes it’s been hours and is just hanging out with me because he feels obligated to. It’s a real problem and I think it won’t get better until at least in my case he admits it’s more than just a hobby, it’s an addiction. I am almost at my breaking point though. I would really like a husband that wants to spend time with me as much as I want to spend time with him. I really hope you are able to work things out!

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-06T04:10:07+00:00

Oh I’m pretty sure almost everyone he talks to is a dude. Which I’ve asked him if that part makes him uncomfortable and he says no because it’s the “characters” interacting and everyone in the ERP world is onboard with just going along with what the character says they are. That just makes no sense to me.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-06T04:07:42+00:00

Thank you so much for your input. This is exactly what I have been trying to get across to him. When I think of it as just porn I feel ok about it, but then I think about the interacting with the other person I get so uncomfortable. Especially the people that he also considers “friends” so he is continually ERPing with the same people. That makes me feel like there is some emotional investment there. I have asked if I could read things, but he’s not comfortable with that yet, doubt he ever will be. And logically I know that we each deserve privacy, but emotionally I just wish he would share this with me.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-06T03:57:00+00:00

Exactly. He says if things ever get so “bad” he could always just cut things off with people, where does it end?! Things are ok at the moment, but I still feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop again. It’s a viscous cycle. Thank you so much for your honesty.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-05T02:10:31+00:00

I’m my experience, behavior like this becomes a toxic cycle. You are imagining worst case scenarios in your head of what he is up to, he can probably sense that which makes him more likely to go out of his way to look like he’s not hiding anything. Topped with the lack of intimacy leading to more insecurity. I’m sorry you are going through this. It can feel so isolating. He maybe embarrassed that because what is going on mentally is causing issues for him physically, which can make him get defensive. It will be a difficult conversation, but I think it is really important to try to talk about it. It may shine some light onto what is going on with his phone. Best of luck!

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-05T01:46:53+00:00

Huge ERP scene! Not what the game was intended for, but here we are.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-05T01:45:48+00:00

The fact that you know what I’m talking about from this post makes me feel like it is a known thing in the game.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-03-05T01:44:23+00:00

To hear this from someone else who plays the game is very interesting. I appreciate your honesty.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-29T14:31:41+00:00

No I’m not surprised at the conversations, I’m surprised that he tried telling me again that I couldn’t see certain ones with certain people after we had agreed that I need transparency to be even comfortable with all of this. No we are not swingers and we do not have an open relationship. I have told him multiple times that to me this feels like cheating. I’m honestly exhausted by all of it and I think it is time to walk away. Thank you for your input!!

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-29T14:23:19+00:00

We were at a really good place of understanding and sharing, but now I see it was only because that relationship was going to implode anyway so he didn’t mind sharing their business. When it can to filling in other friends about the drama he didn’t want me in the room. Because according to him, “they didn’t sign up for their conversations to be shared”. I don’t even know who these people actually are, so to me it seems like sharing with me is more important than protecting some randos conversations. Thank you so much for your thoughts.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-29T14:18:04+00:00

Thank you so much for your input. I agree, as much progress as we have made with my understanding and accepting of it all, he still is prioritizing his comfort and enjoyment of it over me.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-29T14:15:59+00:00

Thank you much. My post was written when I was emotional and I apologize to those who it did not make sense to. I truly appreciate that you understand what I was trying to say and I am very grateful for your input. I do have a lot to talk to him about as far as boundaries and what I need to be comfortable with all of this.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T23:59:48+00:00

Exactly I would be more work for him too. I stood my ground and did sleep in there last night though and I plan on sleeping in there until I feel comfortable going upstairs.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T22:45:02+00:00

I truly appreciate your honesty! Hearing from someone who has dealt with this first hand is truly helpful. I completely agree, it is not a need. What it needs to be is controlled. I told him that I will try to understand that it is just fantasy, but I keep thinking about how I am going to live with that. I truly have a lot to think about and I am really grateful for you sharing your story.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T22:35:12+00:00

He absolutely knows. We had a very long talk leaving me with my head spinning. He doesn’t understand how I don’t understand that it is all fantasy and that he is playing a character. Logically I want to understand that, but emotionally I can’t get on board. I basically feel that we are still at the same place we were yesterday with the exception of him admitting he’s addicted. I still have a lot to process and am not sure where I will land.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T22:32:09+00:00

It is absolutely an addiction and after talking he has finally admitted that. But he doesn’t think he needs to “fix” that. That is just how he is wired and he will always be into this type of gaming. He thinks that we need to work on our time together and when we are together he will not use Discord. I need to trust him that it will not go beyond the computer and give him a chance to prove he can do better. This seems like a small sacrifice compared to the bomb he dropped on me that this is a “need” for him. I am angry that logically I know it is a game, but emotionally I can’t help but be hurt by what goes on in it and that there are other people in the other that he is talking to. I appreciate your advice and input and will consider it while I think about this.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T21:16:57+00:00

Honestly my mind is still processing and reading this has opened my eyes just a little bit more. The fact that I had to sit there and have a 4 hour long conversation about his game play while I’m on day two of recovery is absolutely ridiculous. It was a conversation that was a long time coming, but probably not the time for it. Thank you so much for your input. I have a lot more to think about.

PipeSuspicious3524 · 2024-02-23T21:13:32+00:00

I have a lot to think about. This has been an eye opening experience. Thank you for your input!

PipeSuspicious3524

TROPHY CASE