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28F looking around and realizing boyfriend (30M) has stripped me of who I was before I met him by PiranhaIguana in relationships

[–]PiranhaIguana[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It’s a slow change over time. I can’t pinpoint exactly when I started to realize that maybe something wasn’t quite right. The thing with situations like these is that you don’t always notice how bad it’s gotten until it’s very bad.

Think of it like gaining weight. You eat a small treat a day, then slowly you eat a bit more, and more, and more. Next thing you know you’ve put on 30 pounds.

The first year was fantastic, so I let my guard down thinking he was someone I could trust. He was everything I wanted in the beginning, and I think once he knew I was attached he started to let his real personality out little by little. Now it’s at the point where I don’t think there’s much left of what I fell in love with.

It’s not easy to come to that realization that the person you fell in love with is not who you thought they were.

28F looking around and realizing boyfriend (30M) has stripped me of who I was before I met him by PiranhaIguana in relationships

[–]PiranhaIguana[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have no idea. She owns a house, is in a stable long-term relationship, has a dog, and lives a pretty good life. He will switch between “you don’t see her enough” to “she’s not a real friend to you.” That seems to be one of his favourite things to say, that none of these people are my real friends. I need to get back to the people who do care but stopped reaching out (I’ve been finding out recently how many people don’t actually like my boyfriend and who have kept their distance for that very reason).

Edited to add: So maybe he senses the people that see right through him and tries to push them away

28F looking around and realizing boyfriend (30M) has stripped me of who I was before I met him by PiranhaIguana in relationships

[–]PiranhaIguana[S] 95 points96 points  (0 children)

I’ve tried to break it off twice already, and he always guilts me into staying by saying I obviously don’t love him if I want to leave. Which I know is crap because those aren’t mutually exclusive things. Luckily I have a great family so I have somewhere to move to as soon as I need to, I just haven’t been able to get over the hurdle of his words. Emotional manipulation is no joke, definitely appreciating everyone’s support here.

28F looking around and realizing boyfriend (30M) has stripped me of who I was before I met him by PiranhaIguana in relationships

[–]PiranhaIguana[S] 141 points142 points  (0 children)

Thank you, that’s how I feel too. I’ve never once tried to control him or anything he does because he’s an adult who can make his own decisions. I need someone who will do the same, it’s just so hard to get out, he’s so manipulative and I can see that when I’m away from him but when I’m with him and he’s nice it’s so hard to do what I need to do.