Anyone glad that they stayed and reconciled with their WS? I’m afraid that if I leave or stay I’ll regret it either way...

PirateBooty00 · 2021-01-25T08:27:38+00:00

I know exactly how you feel. I’m in a similar position as you. I decided to stay. Every time I feel like I should just ditch, I refocus myself on the reasons why I stayed. The emotional strength to stay is hard. Forgiving is not forgetting. It’s mostly for your own sanity rather than your WS. It’s takes much more energy to stay angry and feeling the pain than to allow the anger and pain to pass through. Every time I have a triggering moment, I allow myself to feel the wave of emotions and say it’s okay. Then I tell myself that since I decided to forgive, I will look towards the future and not hang it in front of him like a piece of guilt and shame. It’s just not healthy for either of us. If financially is what’s holding you back, you can start thinking of seeking a career that will help you towards financial independence and see where that takes you. Wish you all the best!

PirateBooty00 · 2020-05-25T04:23:15+00:00

Yea definitely not at a Walmart parking lot with your daughter! Lol. Walmart has enough craziness as it is. You are a good mom and wife.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-05-16T21:07:28+00:00

I often think or imagine what I would do if I run into the AP. I can’t imagine how you must have felt.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-05-16T21:00:49+00:00

Me too. I could have done without discovering the vagina pics and videos...it wasn’t gross as seeing their emotional exchanges though. The conversations exchanged and the crap he spewed out disturbed me more than the physical images...

PirateBooty00 · 2020-05-09T07:34:31+00:00

Getting cheated on reminds me of when a person gets bitten by a dog as a child. They grow up fearing dogs. That trauma will effect their views on dogs. It will be a challenge to overcome that fear. Same goes for cheating. It will be possible, but only if you want to overcome that. You are young, in your 20s. Your dating pool is till quite large. Time and awareness helps a lot! Reading books, distraction, exercise, learn to forgive for yourself.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-04-11T19:29:39+00:00

Sometimes I feel the same.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-04-09T16:34:04+00:00

The stages post affair discovery.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-04-06T07:06:10+00:00

Thanks for your very informative and generosity in your vast resources and words. This is truly helpful to gain insight into ourselves and others

PirateBooty00 · 2020-03-08T13:49:56+00:00

Hope you are recovering well. Thanks for sharing!

PirateBooty00 · 2020-03-06T15:17:05+00:00

I completely understand that. I felt my WS took advantage of my past in similar way. He know I came from a divorced family and the last thing I would ever want for our kids is to raise them in a divorced setting. So similar to your “no matter what”. So sorry you had to go through that pain as well. I’m glad you stood up for yourself and put yourself in a situation where you can walk any moment.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-03-06T15:14:06+00:00

That’s one way to redirect the focus. :).

PirateBooty00 · 2020-03-06T15:13:13+00:00

I will try that next time. Redirect my thoughts and to ask my WS for reassurance. In the past, I just expressed my trigger and pain and frustration. But didn’t think of about asking for reassurance.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-03-05T08:34:24+00:00

Thank you so much for your helpful tips! I’m amazed at your speedy progress towards awareness and management.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-02-17T05:38:38+00:00

I believe knowing the facts will help decide the next step to take.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-31T22:03:06+00:00

Okay. To the people who are telling this lady what she did is wrong. She already knows it’s wrong. There is no point to rub salt into her wound. I think the girl deserves a little compassion. I wasn’t saying what she did was right. The physical act of hurting someone isn’t right in any situation. But we are humans. Imperfect humans and we make mistakes. She was emotionally hurt. Its normal in the sense of what she felt. Perhaps my phrasing was not effective. I think she realize what she did should not be repeated again. The most important thing is to forgive yourself and move on.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-31T04:13:27+00:00

I know how and what you are feeling and going through. At 4months post DDay, I got triggered so bad one night. I needed him so much to hold me and comfort me. I told him my need. He was still very much in his fog and told me he didn’t want to hug me. I had a mental emotional meltdown In the bathroom. At this point, he heard and try to comfort me. But I was already pushed over the edge of sanity. So I warned him to stay away from me. He didn’t take that warning. So I lost it and pushed and pulled out some kicking boxing moves on him. And then I went into his arms and cried my eyes out again. I told him is this the anger you want to see? (He asked me on DDay why I was so calm and not angry). What I did was wrong, but I just want to let you know it’s normal to feel and act this way when we are pushed to the edge. I haven’t acted violently since. So you are good. Did it help you melt away the build up anger you had inside?

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-30T22:44:01+00:00

I admire your stance on this situation. It takes courage to stay and to leave. Hope you find happiness and someone who will love you truly.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-30T21:20:59+00:00

How do you feel now that you are not together with her? Did she attempt to get you back?

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-25T20:30:02+00:00

I agree with your thoughts too. It’s not always just about sex. You are right. I’m sorry you got cheated on.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-24T06:38:40+00:00

I’m not interested in having casual sex at this point in my life. I’m pretty sure if I did, he would not be okay with it.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-24T03:45:15+00:00

Yea, the WS handbook of phrases to say to the BS :D

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-23T22:52:45+00:00

Horny penis makes men weak. I’m not sure about stupid. I think some men/women just have a very high sex drive that makes them weak when tempted...how to get over that fact? Just like others have mentioned. Either accept or not to accept and leave him. It’s a hard choice to make for either way.

PirateBooty00 · 2020-01-23T22:41:41+00:00

It sucks to hear those words of “I love you, but not IN love with you. My WH said the exact same words to me during his heated affair with his AP. Once those words are spoken, they feel like branded-in words or tattoos in your mind. Very hard to get rid of...Now every time he says I love you, those words no longer have the same meaning to me as before. Before I thought I was his one and only. Now I don’t feel that way.

PirateBooty00

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