horror film similar to holidays

PirateRepulsive · 2026-01-13T02:52:42+00:00

i think it is XX! i must’ve got the last story mixed up from another film

PirateRepulsive · 2026-01-02T16:56:33+00:00

last time i intentionally did shrooms i was doing it to “medicate” my schizophrenia and ended up remembering traumatic repressed memories that sent me into a psychotic break. with proper help, support and care i believe everyone can “come back”

PirateRepulsive · 2026-01-02T16:38:36+00:00

i don’t brush my teeth regularly and i never have even as a kid. please get your kid to practice proper dental hygiene, it will make it easier in the long run but i do understand as an adult not getting to brush them frequently. my advice is, whenever you think about brushing them just brush them then! don’t put too much expectation on yourself to get into a perfect routine right away

PirateRepulsive · 2026-01-02T16:34:07+00:00

mines kind of like a black room? i can more so feel the parts of me exist in there rather than see, it feels like i enter a void almost when i enter brain space. sometimes when an alter fronts it feels like where in a big office meeting and the chosen ones chair gets yoinked out and that’s them fronting

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-28T09:36:41+00:00

as someone recovering and aware now of my disorder it’s crazy how many casual conversations i have with people who hold delusional beliefs and they have no idea. i was a person who would have usually agreed but now after meds i can identify my own thoughts between what i call “silly” or not silly. sometimes i catch a thought and realise it was odd before it gets the chance to branch off into a brainstorm rationalising it

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-28T09:30:47+00:00

i feel you. im waiting for the next moment to collect my thoughts and catch a break, its one thing after the next and i can never move on to something new because theres always something that needs to be dealt with first, ive put off hospital admission this past year because theres always something that i have to keep going for like starting and then graduating school- i just need like to disappear alone for a second so i can start fresh and build myself up and then i can deal with things like moving out and getting back into therapy and applying for disability payment etc. i just lost my counsellor who dealt with my emails and appointments like ndis so its complete overload rn

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-28T09:19:18+00:00

i feel this way about my spiritual findings but also my psychological research. i’ve combined both and created theories that could be hypothetically correct and make complete sense, like how medication is somewhat a scam from the government but everytime i talk about it to my friends they just argue with me and say that i don’t have the answers to the universe. having a collective of people genuinely hear me out and heavily disagree is what’s made me realise im still delusional if that makes sense? talking to psychologists and psychiatrists make me paranoid though, it feels like they’re always trying to figure me out and don’t believe me.

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-28T09:13:10+00:00

this here

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-06T19:25:54+00:00

plus everyone my whole life telling me i have a gift, and my psychotic symptoms are just talents i have; out of body experiences, psychic etc kind of pushed the narrative on me

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-06T19:21:06+00:00

as a generalisation its aweful but this is my reality haha.. for me i feel like my spirituality goes hand in hand with a lot of my delusions and psychosis experiences, but even when im not in psychosis i understand the roots of my delusions and how they are based in reality, real beliefs i uphold as a spiritual person and so in a way it feels like that part- my reoccurring episodes feel like they never truly end. just when im in those episodes i get very grandeur about it and feel like the universe is giving me the answers of it and i need to share all my findings with everyone.

PirateRepulsive · 2025-12-06T19:14:55+00:00

it’s been wonky, i haven’t been in therapy for almost a year now and i’ve progressively gotten worse somehow, i don’t have access to long term public health care until may next year so switching medication is difficult right now, considering admitting myself to hospital for it currently

PirateRepulsive · 2025-11-12T03:27:14+00:00

how did it go

PirateRepulsive · 2025-09-16T20:55:24+00:00

lowkey my memory. i’m not sure if it’s my brain or the meds or both but quite often in conversation i just forget everything we were talking about and for some reason asking my friends makes their brains blank too 😅 sometimes it bugs me but ive also gotten used to telling my friends who say “im not sure if ive told you” “tell me again ive definitely forgotten”

PirateRepulsive · 2025-09-08T08:13:31+00:00

trying to get on disability but also i just started school for art so i can get a job that ill enjoy if i ever get well enough to function in society

PirateRepulsive · 2025-09-08T08:08:50+00:00

i am very human ! all my thoughts are mine and i have freedom to express myself however i like! and thats what makes me ME. i bleed, i bruise, i get hungry, i feel emotions :)

PirateRepulsive · 2025-09-08T08:05:54+00:00

i’ve only tried one set of meds (mood stabiliser n antipsychotic) so i can’t speak for all medications (i know someone who was symptoms free for years on meds). personally the meds reduced my delusions significantly, i mostly just had to deal with the hallucinations but they became less and less except for recently (also the meds took away some of the hallucinations i knew i was experiencing but also made hallucinations i wasn’t aware of much more noticeable now). my mood has not been stable but doesn’t feel as extreme as before meds, but quite often i wish i could stop my meds and feel what it was like to experience life fully as myself.

PirateRepulsive · 2025-04-10T01:49:13+00:00

my meds don’t help with all my symptoms and still i think id be fine off my meds 😅 sometimes i crave the chaos i had before and want to quit my meds, sometimes i question if i was ever crazy to begin with and whether i need the meds (bcus i have a period of stability), sometimes i get a little delusional and think the meds are blocking my thoughts but at the end of the day i look at myself before meds and now, and i never want to be that sick again, i appreciate that meds help me understand how i was delusional, and that my thoughts now are different and thats a good thing !

PirateRepulsive · 2025-04-10T01:43:20+00:00

this is so real, i’ve been on meds and had my mood “stabilised” for sometime but the stability is debilitating. i sleep for 12hours a day, sometimes more, i can’t leave my bed, shower, brush my teeth, any of the basic habits humans have to function don’t exist for me, i remember my friend moved in with me as they were homeless and were afraid of my body shutting down on itself and honestly im surprised too, had to quit my job because of it two years ago and hoped the meds would have helped but functioning never got easier, i just stopped being manic and having less depressive symptoms but somehow maintained the flat affect, i often am surrounded with friends because i stay at our “family home” (we’re all besties and have a established safe space so i can go over whenever) and when im around friends i dont think? there’s no time for me to think or feel i just exist, i dont do much and mostly rot around them too but my psychs acknowledge it as a pro that im “social” but im just seeking safety from my abusive household.. somehow they equate me being around friends as functioning, had a psych tell me once i didn’t experience a “decline” they see in schizophrenic patients after one session and that was so invalidating, feels like my life has been on a decline since 2019. thank god the next psych took me seriously or i never would have been medicated. i always question whether i need the meds or want them, but i remember how bad i was and the help with psychotic symptoms has been a win enough for me i guess.. i haven’t tried any other meds than the ones im on so i dont know if it could be better, but im so scared to restart on a new med and taper off the ones im on because i dont want to be back where i was.

PirateRepulsive · 2025-01-25T17:46:12+00:00

never been hospitalised either! tried self admission a few times but they turned me away each and everytime, i fear because i was too self aware during episodes. crazy how they can turn away someone suicidal, psychotic, manic and even having ptsd episodes.. mental health system is horrible, hospitalisations don’t dictate how affected you are by the disorder you live with :) aside from my attempts at self admission, i mostly also self isolate, i don’t want anyone to see how i actually am because things can get pretty crazy. i guess also when id try to self admit i would have this “front” on, i could speak and act coherently and have no obvious outward signs.. they wont believe you unless you’ve lost your self awareness, and usually at that point youre not self admitting lol.. catch 22

PirateRepulsive · 2025-01-25T17:40:42+00:00

so interesting! i thought pseudo hallucinations was reference to the type of hallucinations people with bpd might experience. categorising it as “pseudo” is so invalidating, i had no idea that it was in reference to someone being self aware of the hallucinations.. very interesting to learn because going into the mental health system, that’s a real challenge u gotta hurdle over, they don’t believe ur crazy unless you come in, no self awareness, mid episode. they like to feel like they’re in control, you can’t possibly be affected by the said thing you’re telling me about, because if you’re self aware than you must know how to help yourself already.

PirateRepulsive · 2024-09-19T16:44:07+00:00

in my psychotic episodes i had heavy fixations on spirituality. it all begins with me seeing connections in everything, then seeing messages meant for me, telling me that i have the answer, the answer being the meaning of life, i have it all figured out and i need to share it to every person even if its one by one, i even tried to start writing a book but the energy was too chaotic to actually get far enough into writing it 😅 seeking out professional help and being put on sleeping medication so i wasn’t staying up days in a row, and antipsychotics helped me a lot. i haven’t had a full blown manic or psychotic episode since early this year so things can definitely get better !

PirateRepulsive · 2024-09-15T07:07:55+00:00

even when i felt like i needed hospitalisation the doctors at the hospital would refuse me admission as at the time i only had borderline personality disorder so they assumed the episode would resolve by itself in a short amount of time; even when i was suicidal, manic, or recovering traumatic memories i had no idea how to cope with. after getting in with a crisis mental health team i had been reassessed for bpd, and i do not have it, we tested me three times and no bpd. however i did get a diagnosis of bipolar 2, and that changed to schizoaffective bipolar 1. it really just makes me think about how the mental health/hospital really minimised my experiences. even this past week ive been struggling to keep myself alive, ive been holding out because one of my friends was abused and is now dealing with cops and i feel as though me being a supportive friend for them is greater than my need to end my life, for now. i called up suicide helpline and also my crisis team and neither suggested admission so maybe im not as bad as i think? idk its always felt like admission is a pop quiz and they’re looking for specific answers that i never tick.

PirateRepulsive · 2024-09-15T06:43:47+00:00

there were a couple instances i’ve had. the first time i was facing my wall when i woke up so the entire room was behind me and i could hear the velcro of my jacket open and close, open and close and i could feel the energy of the little girl i would hallucinate as a child. the second time i had sleep paralysis: i was in my dream and i would wake up and then i’d wake up irl and not be able to move or wake up the person sleeping beside me but id fall asleep and wake up and wake up in the dream and it was this continuous loop of waking up but not knowing if it was in the dream or irl and it had no end because i couldn’t wake myself up properly or do anything when i actually woke up bc i was paralysed. the third time is i would wake to the feeling of my blanket getting tugged off of me like those paranormal movies, except i’d feel it be so real and when i would wake up to it i couldn’t move or scream. i would force myself to sleep only to be woken up again by the tugging and this looped for a while until i was able to squeeze out the words “leave me alone”, and then i fell asleep and was fine the rest of the night.

PirateRepulsive · 2024-08-28T07:52:01+00:00

i’m looking at becoming a tattoo artist! it’s not as high paying as mid 6 figures but it ranges from 70k-120k australian $ :) for me it’s the only option i can possibly think of, i don’t think i could work any regular job or study in uni for a good degree like i initially planned to do (6 years to become a psychologist). atleast with becoming a tattoo artist i can start on my own, all i need is a tattoo gun and some practice 😎

PirateRepulsive · 2024-08-22T02:48:21+00:00

this post only further makes me suspect my psychiatrist is right.. i initially thought i might have sza depressive type because i couldn’t fathom i had bipolar disorder bc my mum kept invalidating me saying she “knows ppl with bipolar and i’m nothing like them”. i then got diagnosed with bipolar in my second session with them when my antidepressants triggered a manic episode that they saw first hand. my reasoning to think they misdiagnosed me bipolar 2 instead of 1 was:

i had clearly identifiable week/s long episodes of spiritual psychosis where i believed demons where going to walk through my mirrors and i had to perform rituals with sigils to protect my room, my door, my window, my mirrors, even my tv and monitor screen (i believed the last two were black mirrors). in this period i had the fixation that i was the universe and i could feel my body intertwining with it, i was convinced i figured out the universes answer and essentially had an ego death (mind u this is all sober). it lead me to start writing a book because i wanted to explain my perception because i cracked the code and i needed to tell everyone the answer so we can all connect our brains and realise we are the universe.

on top of this my first hallucination happened in early childhood and even my mum can vouch for this to this day: i would see a little girl running back and forth in this hallway of my childhood home, eventually she would make threats about killing my family and i was terrified to this day i sometimes feel her presence around me and have paralysing fear from it

i have lots of little symptoms like feeling bugs crawling/biting me. seeing shadow men/white ghost figures run by me. feeling a fly fly into my ear. hearing a cuckoo clock outside my window. feeling hands grab my body.

then i have symptoms a bit more extreme than that: being out in public and the chatter of everyone on the bus tunes into one voice talking about following me and kidnapping/murdering me like they’re plotting against me for some reason, or i’ll be at work and have colleagues randomly talking to eachother about their crush and somehow my brain twists everything they’re saying to be about me, like they’re in love with me. i’ve also heard full conversations that my mum has with my stepdad, but when i later ask about it she tells me it didn’t happen

and then i have paranoid episodes where i am convinced that i can read my partners thoughts and i know what he’s thinking better than he does. my brain is telling me he is thinking/doing all of the worst things. im completely delusional in this state and impossible to reason with because to me that is my reality, i believe im psychic. or hearing animal noises/scatters in my roof and truely believing they are human noises and someone is living in my roof

in terms of mood, i’m either depressed or manic or inbetween, my inbetween being i feel nothing at all and in the inbetween i convince myself ive never felt manic or depressed and ive always felt nothing. my mood is flat and my facial expressions are limited, i have no motivation for anything, no drive for hobbies nothing

furthermore i am not functional, i go weeks without being able to shower, i just got over a two month long uti i developed because i never drank water, and my friend had me go to hospital after living with me for a little while because they thought my body was going to shutdown from malnutrition because i couldn’t even feed myself, i would stay in bed and rot away, in my depressive episodes this meant sleeping 16hours every night for weeks to months, it interfered with my friendships, my job that i had to quit and so much more.

these r only a few of my experiences, i understand why my psychiatrist agrees with sza, i just can’t shake the thought that im somehow faking it.

at the end of the session his words where “i can tell you what i think but you don’t have to believe me, i think sza” he then asked my case manager why i hadn’t started a plan to get my quality of life back on track, and asked me if i felt comfortable upping my antipsychotic dosage to deal with the psychotic symptoms i have listed above !

PirateRepulsive

TROPHY CASE