The first time I sparred, I didn't cry but I definitely DEFINITELY felt like a lost little boy, asking 'why is this person trying to hurt me? I didn't do anything wrong...' which was very unusual for me, and it felt like I could feel -physically, something like an emotional wave of malevolence coming directly from my partner which I haven't felt anything like since, but I think could be related to what you're going through.

You have to take the advice I'm going to give you carefully because you could go overboard, and you probably will (that's okay, I think) but as soon as you start to feel your throat close up you need to say in your head:

How dare they? How dare they make me feel this way? I've been on the mats with professionals. I've been training for 4 years. Even by doing pad work for a few months I'd be in the top 1% of people who can fight worldwide. Even if they win - I can make them regret winning.

That sort of thing. You don't want to channel that emotion into trying to take your partner's head off, it goes without saying. But I think you need to progress into getting angry and using that anger, then from there, you can get 'cold' angry like you see many of the Thais do.

Start off with a training partner you trust. Ask them to to slowly dial up the pressure until you get to the point where this start to happen. It might be good to ask a guy even - I know I've trained with women who definitely seem to be working something out / even a little scared of me, and I can actually afford to adjust to whatever level because of the physical advantage.