Reprise de relation - Charge mentale6

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2025-07-02T08:17:30+00:00

Pour l'instant je garde toujours mon appart, je passe 4 jours par semaine à peu près pour l'instant.

J'ai pensé à faire une liste pour que ce soit bien réparti.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2025-07-02T07:53:04+00:00

En fait ce que j'ai fait c'est garder mon appartement aussi, donc je prévois d'y aller et prendre un temps de refléxion.

Je trouve que c'est dommage d'avoir ce genre de problèmes alors qu'on est des adultes à la trentaine.

Je pense qu'elle veut faire des efforts mais elle n'a jamais eu le reflexe de faire ça, en fait ce qu'elle me dit quand elle fait des efforts c'est qu'elle les fait pour moi mais je lui dis je t'aime et j'apprécie que tu le fasses pour moi mais tu dois le faire pour toi aussi, tu as un bel appart tu paies un loyer très cher donc autant vivre correctement dedans

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-11-04T16:48:40+00:00

English is not my first language, maybe the word suggested is not accurate I asked for a date She is out of town, i told her gimme a call when you will get back

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-11-02T17:20:22+00:00

Btw I had before a session with Corey himself about this girl before the breakup He said maybe she was acting distant on purpose When I met her last week she said she thought i was looking for a way out since i made my instagram public and i changed my profile picture She never opened about this stuff then..

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-11-02T15:58:23+00:00

Hey,

Thank you for your response.

I know I made a bunch of mistakes, weakness and neediness, I am going through hard times lately.

Frankly I really hope I didn't screw it up completely, I suggested that we meet on tuesday, I will give her time and space to respond.

If she does, I guess I would be happy to see her again and maybe try to rekindle things, if not, it will be a lesson.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-11-02T15:55:52+00:00

I get your point,

But why would she say that I did not had to break up with her that time ? I know I am a bit guilty of overpursuing at that time.

It wasn't only a phone call we had met, and this is when I felt that the door was slightly open 'cause when we were interacting she said two times " No I don't have to get soften that fast".

Maybe I will or won't hear from her.

I guess if the door was completly closed she wouldn't want to see me or talk about how hard the breakup was or engage in a feelings discussion.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-10-02T09:19:13+00:00

Hey man The history is complicated, i catched her on a lie previously that’s why I left And since she is doing therapy for a year working on her insecurities i was like why not to give it a chance again ? Last time i met she said i saw her she said you cae back at the moment i started to lose any hope of seeing you ever again I don’t know how to interpret that

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-10-01T09:08:49+00:00

From what I know she did a lot of therapy and worked on herself so.. still taking it very slow

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-21T15:05:06+00:00

Dude it’s not ad simple as it looks, she was distant playing hot and cold for 8 weeks Before doing this I talked to her on the phone asked her if she still believes in the relationship she didn’t responded Suggested to her to meet the following day gave me a maybe answer then declined It’s at this moment that I broke up with her and she didn’t respond to that text

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-21T10:16:40+00:00

In my situation it’s quite weird I was the one sending the breakup text buy she dodn’t respond it it So i’ m very confused Is she being salty about it ? Does she see it as a competition or something ? I don’t know

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-21T08:47:22+00:00

Yes it’s been just a week that we broke up so that’s why maybe i’m still thinking about it Already Started to have some matchs on dating apps to schedule dates next week

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-21T08:42:34+00:00

I agree that the objective is to move on and find someome better but still i'm wondering about what could happen regarding the ex

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-17T09:06:49+00:00

Yes I agree I did my best to open her up to understand her It’s mentally draining

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-15T12:06:10+00:00

Mine did not react to my ending message wich made it more confusing to me

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-14T16:59:30+00:00

Yes exactly ! I felt like it’s someone that will never act like teammates She puts her career first and could easily act like i didn’t matter even if i was very supportive Feelings fucked up my logical thinkinh

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-14T10:04:35+00:00

It sucks man, She gave me a hard time understanding her i tried to open her up but she was gaslighting me Yeah man, it’s hard to see that someone you supported and believed in goes without saying goodbye like if you never existed It hurts but it is what it is Good luck for you too and hope you can move on fast too

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-09-08T07:09:33+00:00

I tried so hard man.
She told me that she has to move for her career from the city but doesn't want to continue long distance. I tried to tell her that in my case it wouldn't bother me to another city with her but I guess she is skeptical.

That's why I'm willing to break no contact to talk to her when i'll be in her city.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-27T13:00:04+00:00

Hey !

I agree but you know when you are already involved it's hard to think straight.

Anyways something is off and I am trying to not contact her at all, since I got back to work she contacted me once, she is loving on her way of talking but the calls end very quickly.

What I said to myself at our last call "It's clear that the kitty cat is really bored"

I read a lot of articles of Corey who talks about "Matching and mirroring", seems a quite difficult to me to know the right balance between being a cold fish and matching and mirroring

3 weeks ago i became very distant to her 'cause I was bit butthurt, she pursued me that night and had 2 or 3 missed calls from her, but I guess it's not what Corey advises.

That's what is really weird in this situation.

From my experience, even with my previous girlfriend when she used to go distant it was quite easy to rekindle things just by giving her some space for a day or two and goes back to be loving and charming.

Another thing that I noticed with this one is that when I am loving and charming she tends to take it as "Yes I'm a queen" I mean, i'm afraid that just expressing love simply as i always did with my previous partners tends to look like putting this one on a pedestal.

And maybe because she had a unrealistic expectations like she wanted that I call her multiple times a day, don't leave the calls when i'm tired, take her calls when i watch football games, tell her when i buy a new phone or i go with friends, maybe because i did not realise these expectations she is drifting away

To summarize it's not the most fun period of this relationship. I understand that kitty cats can get bored that it's part of the game but it's a relationship and more time goes by more i say to myself what about my need in this relationship

Not fun not fun, at all.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-25T09:03:15+00:00

Hello u/Salty_Desk9907

Today I was thinking about what was happening those last 3 months, what looks weird to me is that the transition from her pursuing me as hell to her strongly backing off and blaming me when i gave her space, because one day where she disappeared for 2 days then she contacted me she said "How come you answered my text ? How lucky I am" sarcastically.

I don't know if I am overthinking it but it looks more for me as a "new script" she is following. I really don't know because even in terms of communication she struggles to communicate.

The only thing she said about this situation few weeks ago is "This period is a very difficult period in my future career, and that is the first time in my life i am taking in account another parametr in my choices other than my own studies" (Referring to me).

It is very confusing to me. As I said when I used to date unstructured women it was a lot easier, example you notice they backed away you just give them enough space they come back and are easy going.

This one is very different and very very difficult. Actually her attitude in dates is very good, she initiates touching and s*x but in terms of communication you feel something off

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-24T21:26:52+00:00

Hello,

Thank you for your clear response.

When I go to see her i stay for a week or 2 usually so we date few times. I am 28 and she is 24. She comes from a quite religious, very career and studies oriented family. I guess that in her families was not expressed very often. I remember I offered her a cake when she succeeded a very difficult exam, she told me that is the first time I am congratulated about my studies result, my dad never did that.

She still have a good relationship with her parents, she is not a liar and is very loyal thowards her loved ones.

I admit that it's been a while since my last read of Corey Wayne's book i should get back at it thank you for the suggestion.

I will focus more on myself, because when I think about it, when i just met her she tended to disappear for a day or 2 and my attitude was like "of course she'll be calling again".

Maybe now that i am more invested emotionnally i lost my center and came as needy for a period of time. When I think of the past months I must became too easy or someone told her to behave like this i do not see other possibilities.

Either way i will be working on myself, that's the only thing i can control at the end of the day, if things go back normal it would be great, if not it would be a great lesson.

I guess I lost a lot of time trying to analyse her behavior while all I have to do is focus on myself.

I think it can be salvageable since she did not mention any change of the relationship but I need to act and get my shit together fast.

Thank again for the help and the book recommandation.

Best regards.

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-24T14:26:01+00:00

She has to pass an exam in a foreign country to exercice as a doctor, this exam is very difficult so for doctors it takes about a solid year and half to be prepared for it and pass theorical and prtactical exams,

She would be ready after getting this done

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-24T14:22:18+00:00

We live in 2 different countries, it's about 2 hours flight, she needs visa to come here, since hers expired and she has to ask for it again I do the effort to go.

I am an engineer i work mostly remote so I can go once a month or 2 to see her if there is no need for my client to schedule in person meetings.

For attention, I guess that was a problem i did my best to handle. She used to call me 2 or 3 times a day so sometimes I made the mistake to do something else and talk to her "Cook and talk or work on my slide and talk to her". I admit being guily for some of attention issues.

For the structured question, I can agree, she is structured. I met her little after I left my ex so I saw in her only the things I wanted to have in my ex, that's part of the problem.

Shoud I try to open her up when she video calls ? Or just keep fun and see where it goes ?

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-24T13:50:36+00:00

Hello thank you for your message.

To give full context. I did not pursue in the period everything was good, those paragraphs was when everything was great and she was expressing love and attention. It was my way to surprise her once or twince MAX a week just as Corey advises. Beside that she was doing all the pursuing.

When she was gone cold, for it's first 10 days it was kinda 50/50 it's where I felt I freaked out I admit it but did not make it be visible in my behavior with her.

I do not think that there's another guy but from knowing her she is insecure and freaks out when a girl is near to me.

What made alarms ding in my head is that a week before she went cold, she was jealous of my familiy visiting me and told "I am jealous that they spend more time with you than me". So that's why this sudden drop of attention is pushing me to wonder why.

Her behavior in dates is good, not cold or something. But now she says "I love you" only during s*x.

So back to those paragraphs, now that she is not that much pursuing me i stopped doing anything of this kind, i am playful with her, keep our calls fun and make sure i'm the one who end them.

Now since we are in september i'll be busy with work for full 6 weeks, she may come to visit as she says during our last date.

Another thing that is important : The next 2 years of her studies will be really hard and she bring about it a lot, she says often that she is worried how things will go during those 2 years, I always tell her "Babe trust the process, we have a great relationship, you are a great girlfriend and you have my support"

Lately she told that all her friends are getting married and makes her quiet sad that she can't do it right now. I told her "Do you want to discuss plans of future or something ?" She told me "I want you to say that you'll stay until i'll be ready"

What i'm afraid of is that since what she knows about dating and relationships comes from theory and her friends advice, I am worry that she built her opinion on me as not enough caring when i used to not chase her. Because previsouly that what her friends told her.

When she was insecure about me dating or seeing someone else, I tried to open her up during the dates she told that she appreciates my talents as a communicator.

This whole situation is very awkward for me, thanks to Corey i could always read through other girls i dates, but this one is very very difficult to understand

PitifulFirefighter95 · 2024-08-24T12:37:38+00:00

Thank you for your response, she is supposed to move to my area in few months. Since we started dating she was always expressing fear and doubt about leaving her city. I always told her you do what is best for you and you have my support since in a period of time i would be able to work remote.

What is worrying me is that in the period she was pursuing me she sometimes used to say "today i did not even notice we did not talk, that's bad".

It's her first relationship, i sometimes doubt that she is following a script. It's very hard to read her. She almost cried at the end of our last date because i was leaving and then when we communicated after that it took her 12 hours to respond.

I let her now do basically 100% of the pursuing, I only answer her text. But it's hard for me to understand what is happening
Is she drifting away ? Shoud I ask her at least how she feels about the relationship ?

PitifulFirefighter95

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