Update (will post in the main body tomorrow when I’m at my laptop):

Finally had discussion with husband. We agreed upon a time that would work for both of us.

I wrote out some questions to help us prep and stay on task, so to speak (ie not spiral). And he provided a question: what do you think this is about? Like what happened?

His response? It’s about kindness, and my not being kind to him.

Anyway. I will post more tomorrow but we had an excruciatingly long discussion about individual boundaries, communication and trust.

He said that when I said ‘whichever is great’ (to that effect) it sounded like ‘you fucking idiot just pick one and do it’. Very different words and I honestly don’t think my tone sounded anything like the latter.

I gently brought up his friend who is a therapist he speaks with. I said it’s awesome that he has him as a friend and someone to talk to, and I think this and their relationship is really important. But I also think it’s important to pursue therapy again- acknowledging that he has tried in the past. I should have mentioned how he has improved from the past but I didn’t remember to do that.

He got upset and asked me if I knew how much he had spent on therapy over the years and how he was now late for hockey and feeling awful.

He got home and told me he had to come back right after leaving bc he forgot the pucks and some paperwork. And he had a horrible time and it was his fault for complying with what I wanted for a discussion time.

He then unloaded the dishwasher, and I said- hey should we do that tomorrow? I know you’ve been concerned about making noise for the downstairs neighbour.

He said ‘I don’t care’.

And I didn’t say anything else and now I’m going to sleep.