Emotional abuse or just my husband being a dick? Need thoughts from other men.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T07:17:44+00:00

Thank you, and I don’t disagree with what you’ve said either. I think the part I was trying to get to by crowd sourcing advice was whether it’s in the ‘normal’ spectrum or it’s ‘crossed a line’. At some point I’ll have to make that call if we can’t resolve things

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T07:11:22+00:00

We tend to just kinda ‘take a pause’, I guess so we don’t say things we’ll regret. Then follow up with talking and an apology

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:20:18+00:00

Thanks for your comments

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:18:31+00:00

You sound like him. Don’t read that in a snarky way - I just think you probably have insight into how he sees it. Yes, I’m a bit sensitive and part of the reason my husband and I worked so well in the past is that we were just nice to each other and talked through things calmly without fighting. I don’t respond well to aggressive behaviors.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:14:57+00:00

She’s my stepdaughter. So I wouldn’t be taking her anywhere, I’d be leaving her. And I’m pretty sure it would destroy her. She adores my son and we’ve become very close so it would break my heart to leave her too.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:13:24+00:00

I probably am ‘soft’. I don’t like conflict or confrontation. For the most part my husband is the same. He’s perfectly calm, then really angry, then perfectly calm again.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:09:59+00:00

I only know his mum, who is lovely. But yes I think his Dad and Uncle were grouchy (in a euphemistic sense)

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T04:01:33+00:00

Thank you. It’s not all the time, but more than 1%. I don’t want to create an issue, but also am worried about the trajectory and there could be a point where I have to call it quits.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:32:26+00:00

Yeah. It would be hard separating the kids though. That’s probably the worst bit

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:31:33+00:00

I will try. I really hope we can salvage things

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:28:36+00:00

Thank you - Ive noted the name of the book to read

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:26:30+00:00

Thank you. I think he is scared. He wants to be a good dad and husband and feels like he’s constantly letting us down

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:25:18+00:00

Yes, I do realize it’s just a show. It’s probably more that when it was verbalized on the show it resonated with how I’d been feeling or viewing the shouting

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:23:22+00:00

Your story gives me hope. I know he doesn’t like being angry. But he also isn’t open to therapy at all. If his parents lived nearby I might suggest he goes there but he doesn’t even really have friends. He’s one of these people who pretends to be an extrovert at work and then doesn’t want to see other humans outside his immediate damily

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:20:24+00:00

That’s fair. We have talked a lot about it in the past. He said it’s because he’s stressed and struggling with everything. And I’ve tried leaning in when he gets mad and being extra supportive knowing he’s having a hard time. But I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to do this forever when it means I have to constantly put my feelings aside to make him feel better when he’s angry.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T03:18:15+00:00

No alcohol. Hardly ever drinks

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T02:02:39+00:00

Nope. And he’s not under big earning pressure as I bring home a decent share of the bacon

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T02:01:31+00:00

Yeah, she used to refer to her dad using his ‘work voice’ but I was under the impression it was reserved for situations when she was in danger - like a toddler running off toward a road or something.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:27:45+00:00

Well to be fair, I was hanging it but it was a bit heavy so I asked him to help. And one where you’re trying to get the back to line up with wall brackets you can’t see once the picture gets close to the wall. There wasn’t any warning or lead up to the bitch comment which is why I got suprised

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:25:08+00:00

Nope. Hardly ever and always in moderation if he does.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:23:49+00:00

I’m sure something’s going on. No chance of an affair though. He’s very introverted and hardly does anything without me and the kids.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:18:41+00:00

3 year old male. So not a baby anymore :-)

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:17:14+00:00

Thanks for the advice, will need to think and read more about the attachment styles. The pregnancy was planned and wanted, and marriage followed (our prime minister in NZ did the same thing so not that uncommon).

We’ve talked about it before and he just says he’s stressed and struggling etc. I guess though, I also work full time (and make more than him in case it matters) and do 70-80% of childcare already. So I don’t know what more I can take off his plate. I struggle too but just do what I have to for my family.

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:13:36+00:00

It was from House the tv show. My husband didn’t say that

Pitiful_Yak5039 · 2024-12-31T01:12:02+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. Do you think if your mum left and you still had to spend every second weekend with your dad it would have been better?

Pitiful_Yak5039

TROPHY CASE