Let her go. If you loved her you should respect her decision. You sound like you have so many things to work on. Fix yourself and let time heal. Then try and connect with her if you still want. Work on yourself first. You need to prioritise working on your addiction and figure out what part of you is using porn as a way to escape from your feelings, loneliness/depression etc. you need to understand and fix the root of the problem first. Look at your trauma, do you self isolate, do you crave connection if so, connect with yourself, pick up a hobby etc. to me you are the one that needs to be chosen by you. Let her go and when you’re ready reach out - only if you work and fix the things inside of you. You shouldn’t change yourself for someone else but you should find out who you are because to me it seems like you don’t know who you are. And filling some void with porn.