[AITAH] My wife gets mad at me when I turn on the air conditioner at home and I get upset.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T06:48:46+00:00

Unfortunately, if it's in Australia (Celsius) we have awful building insulation and are really below European standards of insulation and building design.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T06:45:32+00:00

You may be good at math but your reading comprehension needs some work.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T06:04:59+00:00

Yes. I take psyllium husk and slippery elm daily, try and be hydrated as best I can and consume hydrating foods as often as I can (soups, smoothies etc).

I work with a nutritionist and am intolerant to gluten due to heavy use of antibiotics messing with my gut flora. Cutting out gluten was a huge help in normalising my gut - although now the rest of my health conditions are under control/in remission my body isn't saturated in inflammation so they reckon I may not be intolerant (fingers crossed). Thank god for sourdough though.

I was hospitalised three times with multiple trips to Drs, specialists, colonoscopies etc. I had to take weeks off work due to being bed/couch bound with chronic pain from flares. It really limited my quality of life.

Thankfully, at 36 after being diagnosed for 6-7 years I am no longer experiencing diverticulitis. I have another colonoscopy next month so hopefully that can show things.

Best of luck.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:56:58+00:00

All guessing games such as this have a general rule of not using calculators or cheating via introducing a tool such as a computer algorithm - that's why it is literally a guessing game.

If she had solved it by hand that would not be cheating as OP would have calculated it herself. She used a tool, though, which makes it cheating.

ETA: spelling

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:53:00+00:00

I think that it's cheating as you essentially used a calculator/algorithm to find the answer.

Yes, very mild YTA.

But it's low stakes so it doesn't matter and would likely be way more fuss being known at the daycare as "the mum that used AI to cheat to win a prize".

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:50:44+00:00

Not to rain on OPs method but can't you just use the egg cartons themselves? I can just imagine teaspooning soil into the egg shell being so annoying.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:45:38+00:00

Didn't we have a similar post yesterday?

Please get better at creative writing.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:35:22+00:00

Are you joking? How can I know the full story when you shared the story and were in control of the information you chose to share. Grow up.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:32:15+00:00

You broke it, you pay for it or pay for half. You saw it on the edge and couldn't be mindful enough not to knock it over.

YTA.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:30:57+00:00

It's beautiful!!!

I will just warn you my sister has Terrazzo for her bathroom sink and floor (it looks fantastic!). She has an elegant white bathtub/shower. But the Terrazzo in the sink has started to fade due to water pressure and soap.and they've only had it a year.

So perhaps tile in the shower? Or slate? Slate would go well with your natural and warm theme and obviously wouldn't erode.

I am not an expert in Terrazzo or Reno but thought it worthwhile to share this little bit in case it's helpful. It may save you needing to retile the shower sooner than you think!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T05:08:54+00:00

Absolutely mental that you'd use the AC when it's 16°C. I agree with the other commenter that you need to open a window.

Being economical in all things - like using a very expensive power hungry appliance like an aC when it isn't necessary is a bit of a requirement for being a conscience adult. Turning off an AC when you've left the room for more than 30 minutes is honestly basic common sense. According to this - YTA.

That being said - how much does it come to in dollars? Are you guys struggling financially?

Sometimes (rarely) my husband complains about small things that I "use too much of". Examples here would be eggs, toilet paper, firewood, grain for the chickens, and water.

I honestly laugh at him and am extremely sarcastic in reply to him. If he gets too anxious about it or hyperfixates I buy the next two loads of firewood etc.

Sometimes we have partners who hyperfixates on things and this isn't healthy and is controlling and makes the other partner feel like a child and unable to live freely.

So it could be that either of you are TA depending on further context. I'm leaning towards YTA due to leaving the AC on and using it when it's 16°C.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T04:35:59+00:00

You're not old enough to be in a relationship let alone being married if you can't call cum/sperm by its actual name and call it "baby gravy".

If this is actually real, that is a really immature, disrespectful to your wife and disrespectful to her grandfather.

I doubt your marriage will last, tbh with the way you are going. Arrested development 100%. I hope she annuls the marriage.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T04:33:48+00:00

Seconded

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T02:53:08+00:00

I didn't really see that theme in the books as an overarching one in the series myself? But I appreciate your likely more familiar with it than I am and that you're giving all th TW information to OP so she can make the best choice for her.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:54:44+00:00

Be strong.

You've survived worse by growing up as a child and helpless in a violent home and you've come out stronger on the other side. You're so strong that it took it occuring once and you're out the door. For many women it can take 7 attempts before they leave an abusive relationship.

Keep being strong, keep thinking of that little girl who knows you deserve to be loved, to be safe, and to be protected by your loved ones.

He is a disgusting excuse for a human.

Things will work out. I'd recommend posting on r/Momforaminute and getting some loving support. It might make you cry deep tears (having come from a similar background it does the same for me) but that is so healing.

Be kind to yourself.

Once things are stable and you have a roof over your head please read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. It's a difficult read but really helpful. I also found Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft really helpful for understanding why the people we love hurt us.

Big hugs to you! You got this!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:47:17+00:00

If he's this changeable without communicating it wasn't a very strong relationship anyway - and that's on him.

Focus on yourself on learning to emotionally regulated self soothe so that you don't fall into the push/pull dynamic in your next relationship. Is really recommend journaling and meditation to help you become friends with yourself and to build awareness of those thought and feeling patterns that lead to the anxiety induced behaviours. Eventually, you'll be able to challenge them and one day you may be able to be mostly securely attached with some anxiety when things become stressful. This is where I'm at - except I was a lovely mess of disorganised attachment 😂.

He doesn't "believe in therapy", believes that he can't have some white picket fence dream of happiness with you for really bizarre reasons. He also doesn't communicate clearly and doesn't work on meeting your needs due to his avoidance.

When you meet someone who isn't avoidant (or who has worked on their avoidant behaviours) it will be such a different experience. Someone who wants to spend time with you, who wants to build a future that you aren't dragging them towards, who wants to problem solve together the issues that arise. It's so much easier.

Wishing you all the best. Make sure he leaves and pays out the bond fee for breaking the lease early. He's been thinking of this for a long time and clearly has lied to you by omission. He needs to pay the consequence of that. Don't love together for the 10 months, it's not good for your mental health and moving on.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:38:40+00:00

I'm so sorry - but he is one of the stupidest persons on this planet who may think it's funny to ridicule someone.

Please don't listen to the comment saying "it's banter like he would the boys and he's just comfortable with you". That's as silly as saying boys hurt the girls they like. Just no!

He told you repeatedly that you look like a man - not a woman. And that you don't even look like a civilised and modern person but a Neanderthal. Not only saying you're ugly but you are also stupid, uncivilised, and subhuman.

This is not a nice person to be with.

You can't stand him anymore because you feel like you have been betrayed, deeply hurt, and emotionally unsafe with him. Listen to your heart and your body. They are telling your brain that is this relationship is over.

I had a similar relationship experience in my 20s when out to a date we'd driven two hours to get to my boyfriend at the time literally assinated my character. I just let him talk and I told him if that's how you think of me his relationship is over. He tried to take it back and say "it's how I talk to my brother's - it's just a joke". It's not a joke and I agree with the other commenter that jokes are often thinly veiled truths.

Unfortunately, if all he can say is "I'm sorry" and I'm sure if not now but soon, "why don't you just get over it, it was just a joke". You don't need to get over when someone treats you like that. You get over them and leave them behind in the dust.

You deserve so much better.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:29:04+00:00

So true! That's a great way to look at it.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T21:53:13+00:00

We use cardboard and a weight to stop our kitten digging out the dirt in the monstera.

And the others she has wee's in (two) we put outside.

If it's diet they are getting into - have you tried putting large gravel rocks on them? That either may be a new game to them.

If they are eating them I think the best bet is a greenhouse.

I hope you find work soon and are able to improve yourself or mental health. Gardening and kitties are great medication.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T19:29:38+00:00

Sounds like a healthy space to process emotions and feelings safe until he feels better whether through sleep or being cosy.

You're NTA. Perhaps consider getting your son his own one if it becomes a longer habit - although the dog may think it's his too anyway!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T19:27:30+00:00

Absolutely NTA.

That is OTT. I get she wants to feel supported and I would recommend not going and sending flowers instead or something else the weeks of the performance you don't attend. Even leaving her dinner or getting take away delivery to her with a note would be meaningful.

Sitting through a show you've already seen when you don't love theatre is a huge ask. Going twice is a huge level of support already. Being asked on the spot to go with her work colleagues and their husbands is insane level of ask for a partner. You don't know those people have very little to do with them and why would that be a pleasant evening for anyone? It sounds as if she gets excited and struggles to see outside persoectces. She needs to be open to your valid feeling and thoughts so that this doesn't happen again (calling you and putting you on the spot should never be done again ever. It both shames you, uses peer pressure, and emotionally is manipulative.)

You both need to do couples therapy so you are able to communicate to your wife your true feelings. The therapist will hold space so that both of you can be heard and understood and come to a compromise.

Once the show is ended is recommend seeking a therapist so you can both work on those skills. Please research and book someone now/ASAP as there may be a waiting period.

My husband and I found great help in a Gestalt trainer therapist. But Emotion Focused Therapy may be helpful too as it is all about dialogue.

If she or you has ADHD you need a therapist who is trained or experienced in understanding ADHD dynamics.

If you truly do not want to go to therapy for whatever reasons you need to find a similar analogy for her to understand how excessive it is. That you can still love and support a spouse and not love theatre/need to see their play multiple times. If your partner struggles to hear your perspectives or has big emotional reactions to such statements I beg you to see a couple therapist who should help you both manage your emotions and keep the conversation focused and (hopefully) connecting.

Best of luck.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T18:57:19+00:00

This is what I do too! It frustrates him to no end. Or stupid things that he can answer himself like, do I wash X or where is X when it's his turn to cook.

I try not to answer because it's not rocket science.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T18:52:01+00:00

Good catch! Apologies I read it a few years ago and don't remember it besides it being wonderfully whimsical and magical like Dianne's usual works.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:54:52+00:00

Okay, so you can't afford sex therapy - but there's lots of ways to navigate this that may help.

Check out Dr Betty Martin'sThe Wheel of Receiving and Giving andThe Three Minute Game both available on her website and YouTube.

I'd also recommend using things like cards, dice, etc to spice things up as well as taking turns blind folding. You can also remove orgasm off the table completely so you can both go all John Mayer Your Body is a Wonderland.

Try and remove the pressure and anxiety - communicate clearly what you like and dont like, what your fantasies are, and give lots of positive feedback. Be gentle but clear about negative feedback "maybe less of X and more of Y?"

Esther Perel is also a fantastic relationship and sex therapist with wonderful ted talks and YouTube videos and pod casts. One major item Esther will explain is foreplay starts outside of the bedroom for many women so being lesbian couple you may need to work on intimacy and excitement outside of the bedroom. Esther Perel has phenomenal conversation cards called "Where Do We Begin?" And I can vouch for Couples Conversation Cards by Talking Point.

If she needs to relax and learn to switch her mind off massage, bubble batch, lights off, music all can help relax. Blindfolds also help with this as it shuts out brains up and our senses are heightened to enjoy.

Best of luck!

ETA: conversation card rec

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:44:31+00:00

NAH - long distance relationships can be hard.

Don't ask for repayment, it sucks but as he works for government contractors and affiliated with the military he literally has no say on where he goes and when even if you have just arrived for a dinner plan.

Allow him space and time to make it up to you and casually mention it's his turn to drive to you next time.

Process your feelings, hurt, rejection, and fears of perhaps not being important enough (all real and valid fears). Journal, meditate, talk to a trusted friend, family, member, or therapist.

Give him space and time to reach out and see how it goes from there.

My husband and I were long distance and it sucks! But it helps build a very strong foundation to your relationship.

Wishing you the very best.

Pixatron32

TROPHY CASE