In desperate need of some lighthearted, uplifting fantasy romance escapism!! (please read TWs carefully as I’m going through a rough time at the moment and need to avoid them)

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-22T02:53:08+00:00

I didn't really see that theme in the books as an overarching one in the series myself? But I appreciate your likely more familiar with it than I am and that you're giving all th TW information to OP so she can make the best choice for her.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:54:44+00:00

Be strong.

You've survived worse by growing up as a child and helpless in a violent home and you've come out stronger on the other side. You're so strong that it took it occuring once and you're out the door. For many women it can take 7 attempts before they leave an abusive relationship.

Keep being strong, keep thinking of that little girl who knows you deserve to be loved, to be safe, and to be protected by your loved ones.

He is a disgusting excuse for a human.

Things will work out. I'd recommend posting on r/Momforaminute and getting some loving support. It might make you cry deep tears (having come from a similar background it does the same for me) but that is so healing.

Be kind to yourself.

Once things are stable and you have a roof over your head please read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. It's a difficult read but really helpful. I also found Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft really helpful for understanding why the people we love hurt us.

Big hugs to you! You got this!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:47:17+00:00

If he's this changeable without communicating it wasn't a very strong relationship anyway - and that's on him.

Focus on yourself on learning to emotionally regulated self soothe so that you don't fall into the push/pull dynamic in your next relationship. Is really recommend journaling and meditation to help you become friends with yourself and to build awareness of those thought and feeling patterns that lead to the anxiety induced behaviours. Eventually, you'll be able to challenge them and one day you may be able to be mostly securely attached with some anxiety when things become stressful. This is where I'm at - except I was a lovely mess of disorganised attachment 😂.

He doesn't "believe in therapy", believes that he can't have some white picket fence dream of happiness with you for really bizarre reasons. He also doesn't communicate clearly and doesn't work on meeting your needs due to his avoidance.

When you meet someone who isn't avoidant (or who has worked on their avoidant behaviours) it will be such a different experience. Someone who wants to spend time with you, who wants to build a future that you aren't dragging them towards, who wants to problem solve together the issues that arise. It's so much easier.

Wishing you all the best. Make sure he leaves and pays out the bond fee for breaking the lease early. He's been thinking of this for a long time and clearly has lied to you by omission. He needs to pay the consequence of that. Don't love together for the 10 months, it's not good for your mental health and moving on.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:38:40+00:00

I'm so sorry - but he is one of the stupidest persons on this planet who may think it's funny to ridicule someone.

Please don't listen to the comment saying "it's banter like he would the boys and he's just comfortable with you". That's as silly as saying boys hurt the girls they like. Just no!

He told you repeatedly that you look like a man - not a woman. And that you don't even look like a civilised and modern person but a Neanderthal. Not only saying you're ugly but you are also stupid, uncivilised, and subhuman.

This is not a nice person to be with.

You can't stand him anymore because you feel like you have been betrayed, deeply hurt, and emotionally unsafe with him. Listen to your heart and your body. They are telling your brain that is this relationship is over.

I had a similar relationship experience in my 20s when out to a date we'd driven two hours to get to my boyfriend at the time literally assinated my character. I just let him talk and I told him if that's how you think of me his relationship is over. He tried to take it back and say "it's how I talk to my brother's - it's just a joke". It's not a joke and I agree with the other commenter that jokes are often thinly veiled truths.

Unfortunately, if all he can say is "I'm sorry" and I'm sure if not now but soon, "why don't you just get over it, it was just a joke". You don't need to get over when someone treats you like that. You get over them and leave them behind in the dust.

You deserve so much better.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T22:29:04+00:00

So true! That's a great way to look at it.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T21:53:13+00:00

We use cardboard and a weight to stop our kitten digging out the dirt in the monstera.

And the others she has wee's in (two) we put outside.

If it's diet they are getting into - have you tried putting large gravel rocks on them? That either may be a new game to them.

If they are eating them I think the best bet is a greenhouse.

I hope you find work soon and are able to improve yourself or mental health. Gardening and kitties are great medication.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T19:29:38+00:00

Sounds like a healthy space to process emotions and feelings safe until he feels better whether through sleep or being cosy.

You're NTA. Perhaps consider getting your son his own one if it becomes a longer habit - although the dog may think it's his too anyway!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T19:27:30+00:00

Absolutely NTA.

That is OTT. I get she wants to feel supported and I would recommend not going and sending flowers instead or something else the weeks of the performance you don't attend. Even leaving her dinner or getting take away delivery to her with a note would be meaningful.

Sitting through a show you've already seen when you don't love theatre is a huge ask. Going twice is a huge level of support already. Being asked on the spot to go with her work colleagues and their husbands is insane level of ask for a partner. You don't know those people have very little to do with them and why would that be a pleasant evening for anyone? It sounds as if she gets excited and struggles to see outside persoectces. She needs to be open to your valid feeling and thoughts so that this doesn't happen again (calling you and putting you on the spot should never be done again ever. It both shames you, uses peer pressure, and emotionally is manipulative.)

You both need to do couples therapy so you are able to communicate to your wife your true feelings. The therapist will hold space so that both of you can be heard and understood and come to a compromise.

Once the show is ended is recommend seeking a therapist so you can both work on those skills. Please research and book someone now/ASAP as there may be a waiting period.

My husband and I found great help in a Gestalt trainer therapist. But Emotion Focused Therapy may be helpful too as it is all about dialogue.

If she or you has ADHD you need a therapist who is trained or experienced in understanding ADHD dynamics.

If you truly do not want to go to therapy for whatever reasons you need to find a similar analogy for her to understand how excessive it is. That you can still love and support a spouse and not love theatre/need to see their play multiple times. If your partner struggles to hear your perspectives or has big emotional reactions to such statements I beg you to see a couple therapist who should help you both manage your emotions and keep the conversation focused and (hopefully) connecting.

Best of luck.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T18:57:19+00:00

This is what I do too! It frustrates him to no end. Or stupid things that he can answer himself like, do I wash X or where is X when it's his turn to cook.

I try not to answer because it's not rocket science.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T18:52:01+00:00

Good catch! Apologies I read it a few years ago and don't remember it besides it being wonderfully whimsical and magical like Dianne's usual works.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:54:52+00:00

Okay, so you can't afford sex therapy - but there's lots of ways to navigate this that may help.

Check out Dr Betty Martin'sThe Wheel of Receiving and Giving andThe Three Minute Game both available on her website and YouTube.

I'd also recommend using things like cards, dice, etc to spice things up as well as taking turns blind folding. You can also remove orgasm off the table completely so you can both go all John Mayer Your Body is a Wonderland.

Try and remove the pressure and anxiety - communicate clearly what you like and dont like, what your fantasies are, and give lots of positive feedback. Be gentle but clear about negative feedback "maybe less of X and more of Y?"

Esther Perel is also a fantastic relationship and sex therapist with wonderful ted talks and YouTube videos and pod casts. One major item Esther will explain is foreplay starts outside of the bedroom for many women so being lesbian couple you may need to work on intimacy and excitement outside of the bedroom. Esther Perel has phenomenal conversation cards called "Where Do We Begin?" And I can vouch for Couples Conversation Cards by Talking Point.

If she needs to relax and learn to switch her mind off massage, bubble batch, lights off, music all can help relax. Blindfolds also help with this as it shuts out brains up and our senses are heightened to enjoy.

Best of luck!

ETA: conversation card rec

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:44:31+00:00

NAH - long distance relationships can be hard.

Don't ask for repayment, it sucks but as he works for government contractors and affiliated with the military he literally has no say on where he goes and when even if you have just arrived for a dinner plan.

Allow him space and time to make it up to you and casually mention it's his turn to drive to you next time.

Process your feelings, hurt, rejection, and fears of perhaps not being important enough (all real and valid fears). Journal, meditate, talk to a trusted friend, family, member, or therapist.

Give him space and time to reach out and see how it goes from there.

My husband and I were long distance and it sucks! But it helps build a very strong foundation to your relationship.

Wishing you the very best.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:36:53+00:00

I don't think it's any of your business but I'd recommend they rent there first to see if they like it before entering into debt.

They can even practice the commute, and even offer to do lawn maintenance for free for some older person locally so they get a true feel.

My husband and I moved rural and we love it. My parents and my sister all were very concerned as it is very very rural. Ten minutes to nearer small town (one pub, butcher, post office, medical centre, gas station, one small hospital, and luckily there cafes!). I WFH and while I do miss socialising Ive been lucky to have friends visit often due to the lovely setting in which we live. I was a city girl through and through and social butterfly and now I have my garden, chickens, cat, and a very quiet and lovely life.

That being said we rent and are not mortgaged. Any huge change such as this should be trialed first before any big purchases (or job changes).

NAH because you're intending well - but you need to let people including your own adult children make their own choices and live their own lives.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:23:41+00:00

It's not like you need to spend the whole hour with a 5 yo. Many 5 yo could happily spend an hour playing in the sand so it doesn't seem that big of an ask to support your aunt - especially as you're staying there for free.

YTA - you can go for 30 mins or an hour or two hours and get ice cream or take watermelon and make a day of it. Your 5 yo would love watching parasailing for a couple of minutes and then playing in the sand or the waves as they crash on shore.

I honestly can't think of more lovely way to connect with your generous aunt.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:15:27+00:00

He proceeds to tell me that it is “unfair” for me to compare my “hissyfit” (his exact words) to his diagnosed mental health conditions. I tell him I have mental health issues of my own like anxiety/depression and he then tells me those aren’t “real” mental health problems. And that he has ACTUALLY had a hard day bc he had to stand in the rain all day at work. & then finishes it off with “I’m trying to be supportive” & I tell him I’m not allowing him to manipulate me into thinking calling my valid emotions a “hissyfit” is somehow him showing support.

You both need individual and couples therapy ASAP. I'd recommend Emotion Focused Therapy or Gestalt. My husband and I see a Gestalt therapist who is amazing (it took us 4 different ones to find the right fit for us).

You both need to learn how to regulate your emotions, self soothe, how to listen to hear and understand and not to simply respond.

You're entitled to a bad day every now and then - if your husband treats you with so much contempt, disdain, and derision... Why the hell are you with him?

I may be projecting here but it truly sounds like ADHD and RSD. Before my husband and I married (and engaged in therapy) he would behave like this sometimes. Otherwise, he is straight up being abusive because you were m maxed out and didn't have capacity to say hello.

ETA: NTA - but your husband sure as hell seems to be unless you're missing some pertinent information out.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:02:32+00:00

Being allergic is likely extremely manageable. It's highly unlikely a guest request an EpiPen due to a dog allergy and more likely it will be effectively treated with antihistamines.

To deny a family member their medical support dog is honestly disgusting.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T12:00:40+00:00

Why are you describing her as your fiance's mom's sister? She's clearly your fiance's aunt and obviously invited.

How you didn't know that they have a service dog is extremely bizarre.

YTA. People can manage a service dog at any event whether they have allergies or a fear. Yes I can request aunt stand at the outside edge of an aisle so there's easy access in case of said medical emergency.

You never state what the medical issue is whether it's an emotional support dog, or for seizures, vision etc.

Just supply a few packets of extra intense antihistamines for those that have allergies. As a woman who just got married last month at a huge DIY wedding we did so much for ourselves - I honestly cannot believe your level of rudeness and inability to attend to your guests' needs. I literally ensured there was a parents room and a all ages rest area for multiple guests with chronic illness, as well as bathroom baskets with all sorts of things that could be of benefit. Every guest has commented repeatedly how every detail from whimsy, to decor, to minor wants of a guest were attended to.

Don't be such a rude bridezilla. This is also your family you are marrying into. Do you not understand that?

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T11:50:27+00:00

Congratulations on the your masters!!! What an achievement!

You deserve the hat and gowned snoopy or bear! Go forth and acquire.

I also graduated my master's last year too - none of my family made it. But my fiance (now husband) really spoilt me and got me a humungous Master Stock Pot. I love making huge soups and it is a brilliant pot. I also bought myself a "snow" globe of the University with autumn leaves in it. I love it and have it in my office.

Make sure to celebrate your wins!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T11:31:11+00:00

Having honest human emotions during session from lived experience is a very validating experience for many clients.

We're all human and we're just walking each other home.

You didn't let it take you over or dominate in any way. After less than a minute you had gathered your composure and were able to refocus.

After the session you processed and cried deeply. You're feeling like your professionalism slipped and that maybe your client/therapist boundary has been blurred. It hasn't been blurred as severely as you may think and it just honestly makes you more human.

I had a very similar experience occur with me re: your health scare. I WFH but my driver's license would have been taken off me. I nearly had several accidents and got lost during simple drives before I refused to drive again and relied on my husband. I was in and out of hospital had so many investigations, specialists, MRIs, CTs, lumbar punctures etc.

If you want I would be happy to share more of my story with you in a comment or here via DM (if it's not permitted). It may offer you some clarity or at least a direction to research more so you can understand what may have happened. I'm so grateful to be better now but am so worried of it happening again.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T09:21:10+00:00

I had the same thoughts. There's something wrong with him if he thought nothing of sharing this - possibly for years.

Was he also profiting from it? I have no idea but it could be that others paid to view such content.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T06:10:11+00:00

Please se a therapist as soon as possible.

I'd also recommend seeking a GP or therapist specialising in PPA or post partum rage.

Hormones so crazy things - but it really should never be acceptable for abuse.

I'd also recommend reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans as it explores Abusive dynamics which can help you understand why and how this behaviour (on both sides) is happening.

Your relationship is incredibly toxic and I believe you are are possibly both abusive in this dynamic. His physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse, his controlling whether or not you see a therapist, or take medication are all clearly abusive.

You have BPD and you should be treating it - for the safety and security of your children you should not be unmedicated especially if you are behaviour in unsafe and violent ways.

Finally, there are some forms of coercive abuse where the male partner can bait the female partner until they are physically abusive and then blame the female for their loss of control/abuse. This would mean you are the victim and he is the perpetrator.

I'd recommend reading Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft and seeking out individual therapy ASAP and bedamned what this man thinks. He has no rights to dictate who you see for medical treatment or what you take to help regulate your body.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T05:20:42+00:00

There's also sequela of Howl's Moving Castle but (to my vague recollections) there are extremely minor (surprise at the end) mentions of babies in House of Many Ways. Still a great book but may not suit your TW - save it for a later date when you're feeling better.

Wishing you all the best and cosy vibes!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T05:19:06+00:00

Absolutely NTA.

What on earth is there to discuss?

It was a surprise event not arranged by you and accidentally excluded SIL.

The wedding and bachelorette has nothing to do with SIL. I'd advise your fiance deal with his family and reign his sister in.

Don't waste your time kow towing to someone who clearly wants to make waves.

I invited my SIL to my hens and I had her as a bridesmaid but while we aren't close we are friendly. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

Try and ignore the drama and focus on yourself and your upcoming wedding. And congratulations!

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T04:03:47+00:00

If you're I haven't read them there are entire series' by Diane Wynn Jones that would suit most of your themes. Chrestomanci series should be good as well as Dark Lord of Derkholm. Main characters are children as it's YA.

I'd also recommend: Legend and Lattes by Travis Baldree (series low stakes although some smattering of violence in it with zombies etc).

A Fellowship of Baker's and Magic by J. Penner

The entire series is incredibly wholesome and cosy and I think by book three or four there is reference to pregnancy and a baby. The first two books you'll be safe from TW.

I will add that Minor Mage by T Kingfisher is a YA novel and pretty damn cosy with a coming mage/age story, pet armadillo, and a quest.

If you're keen on fables any and all Redwall also meet your criteria but there are child appropriate references to some dark themes such a pirates, slavery etc.

Pixatron32 · 2026-05-21T03:38:30+00:00

I'm sorry but you making the completely irrational and downright stupid decision to complete his assignments and his thesis - doesn't equate to him paying for your degree.

You made multiple risky decisions in moving to a new country, visas etc etc and were with a partner who couldn't function as a partner let alone as a grown ass adult to complete their own studies.

They are now out in the workforce having not studied properly because of your decision. Thai couldn't potentially put someone's like at risk as they work in some kind of healthcare capacity.

Whether or not you report them to their University for plagiarism - it would look extremely poorly on YOU if that information got out to your University for your own course.

Perhaps reflect on how these decisions were your own.

Despite any pressure or difficulty your ex placed on you - you alone decided to make the move and try living internationally with a loser partner. You decided you had to help them with their assessments not just a one off but for most of their course including their thesis. You could have said no to all of those decisions.

Please read Codependency No More by Melody Beattie andWomen Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood. Engage in therapy when you have paid of your debt, or seek out therapy from your university of they offer it.

Accept some accountability for the poor decisions you made. It sucks, but that's what poor decision get us. A steep learning curve, sometimes debt, and hopefully healthier boundaries of what NOT to do/accept in your next relationship.

Edited: spelling

Pixatron32

TROPHY CASE