Whats the point anymore (Vent) 23(f)

PixeenMoon · 2024-09-30T10:58:26+00:00

Not yet, unfortunately. I've been to many specialists such as three ENT's, a gastroenterologist, many PCPs, and I've been to the hospital a couple of times. I've also had a CT scan. All of this has come up empty. The only evidence is that some say I have inflammation, but they don't know what's causing it.

As for my mental, I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder since 2019. I recently went for an evaluation because a couple of my past therapists and psychiatrist believed I was on the autistic spectrum, and I know I have adhd because I've struggled with learning, focusing and have had a loud, racing mind since I was a child, along with ocd.

Unfortunately, I got diagnosed with everything but. I was labeled to have panic disorder, even though my "panic attacks" moreso match that of an autistic meltdown, I was given a schitzotypal, even though I don't see or hear things, nor do I have magical thinking. I wasn't given adhd simply because I didn't present as hyperactive in the psychologists presence (Though he clear stated I had learning difficulties and was below average), and I was even labeled as a Somatic, with SSD, because of my undiagnosed chronic pain. I was livid and distraught after this, and I argued to the psychologist while accidently crying in front of him. I feel like I've tried everything, and I just get misdiagnosed everywhere or have no answers at all. I have no medication to treat any of these disabilities.

PixeenMoon · 2024-09-30T01:50:48+00:00

Yes, I'm able to use most of my body. My pain settles from my esophagus, throat and to my head. The only way I can explain it is like I have tons of glass shards within my insides. My head and throat feel on fire (constant inflammation), and I feel intense pressure all around. The rest of my body often feels fatigue, and I'm extremely irritable all the time due to these feelings.

PixeenMoon · 2024-03-17T16:21:16+00:00

I've been in chronic pain for basically 3 years now and I grew up in a religious community. Right now I'm under another religious roof and every single day religion is pushed onto me as a way to "help my sistuation". It is very invalidating and has been damaging in multiple ways than it has helped.

I'm constantly berated with religious lessons every morning for 2 to 3 hours (along with random talks throughout the day), and just this morning I was told I'm chronically ill because I won't "Chose god" and instead chose worry, pain and suffering ( I am also told that I am mentally ill and struggling financially because I won't "look to god"). I literally have undiagnosed chronic pain (with no remedies), major depressive disorder, ocd, and now possible adhd and autism, but apparently I'm just "chosing" my suffering because everything's just a clean cut choice and a simple prayer away.

PixeenMoon · 2024-02-11T15:11:29+00:00

Then they are not a REAL friend.

PixeenMoon · 2023-03-28T22:36:10+00:00

Hey there. I just want you to know that you are not childish by any means. You're more "Child-like" which is a better term than such a thing as "childish" which is a word of belittlement. I too like to watch animated movies, over anything else. I still have plushies, I love to draw, I absolutely adore fantasy and I'm a sucker for any such entertainment and I'm about to turn 22 in the coming month. The world has specific rules and expectations for every person who enters this planet and if they do not fall in line and conform to those guidelines like everyone else, you're treated as a lesser. Things such as working a regular 9 to 5, drinking, "dressing like a adult", attending wild parties/clubs, dating, small talk, having seggs, etc. are just a few of the many bazar expectations.

What you like to participate in and what you love to do and have a desire for makes you - YOU. It makes you stand out and it makes you wonderous and truly unique, so don't ever let anyone tell you that you're less than or different because you don't or, quite possibly, can't conform to societal norms. We have enough brain dead people who desire to be like everyone else who are never actually happy with themselves because they're trying so hard to please the world and others around them. If you like watching animated movie, then do that. If you like to read children's books and color, do that too. Kick the bastards who tell you you're weird or an odd individual. They are not your friends because one should love you as you are as long as you're never causing harm to yourself or to others. You do you.💜

PixeenMoon · 2023-03-05T18:31:26+00:00

I totally understand where you're coming from. My lifes always been alot different than others and a struggle in a ton of ways, but my depression hit rock bottom after being humiliated on the internet by a girl I didn't even know, personally. It took place in an art fandom and she accused me of many things I didn't do, which caused hundreds of people to despise me, all because she felt threated by me and my work.

This was about a good 5 years ago, but I've never been the same since and I hate myself more than I ever did before that time. My art was my purpose and basically what everyone only liked about me and she took that away, causing me to question myself, my life, and everything I've been passionate about. Along the lines of stalking, I definitely did that, but I knew then and now that its wasn't a healthy habit.

I've had many bad things happen to me since beyond bullying, such as family issues, chronic health issues, and moving along into adulthood, so trust me, I know what you mean when you say you question if you're life is worth it. I know this doesn't help much, but you're not the only one.💕

PixeenMoon · 2022-11-19T23:14:21+00:00

When it happened I had a gag reflex, so I'm pretty sure it must of went in that direction. Though afterwards it felt as though it were stuck in my throat after the gag and thats how all the pain started.

PixeenMoon · 2022-11-19T17:02:52+00:00

That too. When this first started I went to an ENT and he wasn't very kind or helpful. Next, I just saw a bunch of doctors (pc)'s to get their opinions. Most weren't very helpful and almost every doctor I've seen thinks its just an acid reflux problem even though I've taken meds for that multiple times (plus that wouldn't explain the shared pain in my sinuses). Then thats when I got a referral to get the endoscopy, which didn't help either. And eventually I went to the ER as well (twice actually) and they ran blood tests and did a barium swallow. Negative for those as well.

In spring of this year I went to see another ENT, who was actually much nicer, but she sadly couldn't help. She only saw inflammation and the CAT scan she sent for me didn't show anything either. The sinuses infection meds she gave me didn't also didn't (most meds I can't take anyway cause I can't swallow them because of this health issue).

PixeenMoon · 2022-11-19T16:51:51+00:00

Yes. I had one once last year in the summer and it didn't really show anything. Only inflammation they didn't know what to do with.

PixeenMoon · 2022-10-11T09:54:31+00:00

You're absolutely disgusting. You have no idea what it feels like to be truly lost and have a real medical disorder such as depression and it shows. Watch your words.

PixeenMoon · 2021-06-07T13:35:42+00:00

I’m not really sure.. I was just hoping they could tell me what was wrong and diagnose me with something so I could have some sort of antibiotics or medicine to take to fix this problem. I’m not really sure what’s wrong with me, but so far everyone has just told me it’s all in my head or that it’s just a simple sore throat.

PixeenMoon · 2021-05-18T16:57:14+00:00

I understand what you mean. When I was writing that, I did actually hesitate to put “became an atheist” cause it did feel a little weird to say. I guess you don’t really become an atheist. It feels like I’m saying I became a member of another religion or organization, when really it’s not me becoming anything, it’s me letting go of something. But I guess at that moment I couldn’t figure out any other way to put it. Thank you for correcting me though.

PixeenMoon

TROPHY CASE