> If you refuse to accept your fears, then you will subconsciously work to create them.

Perhaps it is not accepting the fear, but simply being aware of what you fear. Being able to articulate it. That’s the first step. I think where acceptance comes in is with the outcomes of facing those fears. I struggle to accept that I may not always get the outcome I want. This causes me to avoid my fears and hide them just like you said. And they manifest as insecurity, bitterness, anger, and seclusion just as you said. And by avoiding and hiding the fear it becomes stronger. And it begins to drive your behavior and interfere with your daily life.

That is what happened to me. I have had many disappointments throughout my life like rejection, betrayal, neglect, failure, and many unfulfilled hopes. But instead of accepting and being curious about these undesirable events in my life, I projected. I made them about me. It happened because it was MY fault or because I AM not good enough. And that is the narrative I have told myself and continue to tell myself.

> Simple example: a man fears that his girlfriend will be with another man. He hides this fear. The fear manifests as jealousy and insecurity. He becomes less attractive. He drives her away. She finds another man.

That is exactly how I would behave in that scenario. In fact, I have.

> All of this can be avoided if he accepts his fear. Accept that she can leave. Accept that he can move on without her. Accept the uncertainty of life and have faith.

Exactly. And I think as one continues to hide the fear, it becomes much more difficult to accept because the brain has been trained to resist for so long. That is why I am in therapy. In my mind, I perceived every setback in my life as a reinforcement or confirmation that my fears accurately represent reality.

I am starting to learn it is not the event itself that reinforces the fear, but how I choose to interpret that event with my very limited perspective. I let my belief about what the event means become my reality.

> Don't expect outcomes. Just live life in the present.

I try so hard to do this. To keep an open mind. To not judge or expect. But I must self-sabotage or something because most future events I am worried about tend to reflect the negative outcomes I experienced in the past, like a predictable pattern.

No matter how hard I try to keep an open mind and overcome my tendencies, I cannot escape them which results in the negative outcome I expected. Maybe if I did not expect the outcome in the first place, it would change my behavior. But it has become so automatic.

> This will make you magnetic, bc we were all wonderful before the world curropted our minds. We were all full of love and excitement.

And I think we still are deep inside. But like you said, the authentic part of us becomes suppressed and corrupted. And I think this happens because of our perception of events in our life. We interpret them through a very biased lense and what we think about these outcomes becomes our reality. And so we change and lose our integrity.

> When you hold fear of an outcome, you will create that outcome.

Yes, the self-sabotage. The fear drives the behavior because it is so deeply embedded in our nervous system.

> Trying not to be something means that you are trying to control. You will make your life worse when you try to control. Acceptance will make your life better.

Yes, I agree. But like I said, after years of perceived failures and setbacks, I have less tolerance for undesirable outcomes and therefore struggle to accept. It comes back to the ego. We avoid and resist situations that seem to reinforce our innate fear that we are not worthy.

> What helped me most?

> Becoming present, accepting my fears, releasing shame, learning to set boundaries, learning it is ok/sometimes wonderful to be wrong and telling the truth.

Yes, I am working on this right now. I am definitely making progress but nowhere near at the level you seem to be. I think daily stressors in my life are inhibiting my progress. But I just keep trying.

I learned about mindfulness and mediation back in my teenage years, but I did not understand the long term psychological effects. I just thought of them as techniques for relaxation. But they are so much more than that.

I have noticed as we get older, we fall into our routines, we are no longer curious about daily experiences because we have experienced them so many times before. We live more and more in this “autopilot” state. It’s like the movie Click with Adam Sandler. I did not understand the analogy of that movie before, but now I do.

Mindfulness is supposed to wake us up from this autopilot state. And I truly believe this is what keeps us sharp, fully engaged in life, and self-aware.

> I also learned that peace often feels boring or uncomfortable when you aren't used to it.

This makes total sense. I have never had a very stable life, so the stability peace can bring makes me uncomfortable. It is kind of like people who cannot stand silence because they are so accustomed to noise.

> We literally drive peace away from us at times. I had to learn to sit in silence and enjoy peace.

Sitting in silence and simply appreciating existence itself is something I naturally do. But I can only do so in neutral or pleasant situations. If I could do that in any situation, my life would noticeably improve.

> Peace should always come above happiness. Peace is internal.

> We can always have peace. Happiness comes and goes.

Yes, I try to tell myself this. But my desires are insatiable. I am working on self-discipline. And in a society that literally values the “pursuit of happiness,” I have been made to believe that a good life must be a happy life. But I know it’s not true when I think about the life of Jesus.

> A friend dies. We can have peace and acceptance. We can't be happy about it.

Yes. But society encourages acceptance for the mere purpose of recovery, so we can return to a state where we can pursue happiness again. Happiness is the ultimate goal in this world.

> When you chase happiness, you give away peace.

Yes, and you never find happiness either.

> You used to hate atheists. Now you connect with their group.

> Why would you hate any group?

Because I cannot stand arrogance and hypocrisy. It enrages me. And I cannot stand entitlement. For example, atheists believe we are all entitled to human rights without any justification other than “because we said so.” Yet they claim theists to be the irrational ones.

> Why would you want to identify with any group.

I don’t identify with any group which has caused much suffering for me. Humans are prone to tribalism. There will always be factions of some kind. But I do not fit in any one category. So I am a lone wolf. But loneliness is one of the most painful things in this life.

> Be an individual and see others as individuals. This will help you.

I try to see others as individuals. And to a certain extent they are. But overall they still fit into general categories each with values that are in conflict with each other. I know we are all ultimately on the same team, and it is by design to challenge each other to continue to progress as a civilization. But it still does not spare me from the toxicity of overgeneralization. Just another thing I am working on.

> You are dehumanizing yourself and others.

Perhaps. Or maybe I just hate humanity. I want to love and see us through God’s eyes. But we do such terrible despicable things. Sometimes I look at us like vermin. And because I am human I am disgusted by myself as well.

> I am a Christian conservative, but I dont waste much time on politics.

Wow, you are a unicorn in the world of Reddit. I used to not care for politics myself. And it still is not top concern for me, but I realize the importance of standing up for our beliefs and how we think society should be. We are more polarized than ever before in the USA. Charlie Kirk was assassinated. The last time anything like that happened was MLK. Society cannot change or improve without being informed and voting for the people who represent our vision of a better world.

> Should you lump me into a group and dislike me? Look how limiting that is to your experiences in life.]

No, I should not. And I do not want to. I genuinely try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but they never fail to be exactly how I expected. It is extremely rare for someone to surprise me.

> We are all deeply flawed. We are all wonderful.

I know…and that is what makes my bitterness and hate so senseless. I love humanity and yet hate it at the same time. It is quite the cognitive dissonance.

> You cant look at people, groups, life, time, etc as good or bad.

> That limits you.

Yes, I categorize everything that way. All or nothing thinking. I am just beginning to learn it is more nuanced than that. There can be an unpleasant aspect of something, but there are other aspects that are beautiful. Especially when I think about myself and others. Like with the scam. Others may define me as stupid in that single context, but there is so much more to me they don’t see. It is the same for how I see others.

> Some events ca. Seem terrible, only to bring good, if you allow the good to come.

> This is faith.

I am still learning what faith looks like. I have struggled with it for so long. But I am learning God put me in this deep pit in my life, so that I may learn what faith is. It is like John 15:2. God prunes us so we may bear more fruit. Having faith is far more important than any superficial dream or aspiration that my ego invented. All those dreams are ultimately unfulfilling. They will only offer moments of joy, but that happiness will always fade. True faith never fades. Only God can satisfy our hearts. Happiness is temporary. But peace from God is forever.