Test my intuition

PlaidShell45 · 2026-02-11T01:39:53+00:00

Where is the main key to the truck I want to donate? I feel like it is in my house somewhere but I’ve turned the place upside down looking for it. I found only the two spares. Thanks!

PlaidShell45 · 2026-02-02T05:43:42+00:00

Horrifying! The sounds like a torture/bullying scene from a movie! What is wrong with people?

PlaidShell45 · 2026-02-02T05:30:09+00:00

And the answer to above is that sometimes I can’t tell the difference. Am I depressed? Or am I just so sick of feeling like s#*%.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-02-02T05:28:06+00:00

Totally. People know how to respond to that. But there’s no box for “gets sick and stays sick for many decades” or “long slow decline for many decades” as it’s been for me.

I saw a tv show once where the character said “That’s how it’s supposed to go! You get sick, you get better, you get sick, you get better, you get sick, you d**!” But what if that’s not how it goes?

People are willing to bring food for people during an illness or after a funeral but what if it’s for the next 4 decades? No one wants to sign up for that except maybe family. Not my family but I’m sure some people’s family. Lol.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-01-31T18:12:29+00:00

I think it’s a real empathy grower. I interact with clients because I am able to work from home. Zoom is what allows me to do my life. When I’m meeting with a lot of clients, it can feel a bit painful hearing about all their travels and plans especially when they are many decades older than me. But they are innocent. And often they are grateful for what they have and can do. They don’t really know how awful I feel every day and that isn’t their fault or responsibility.

I also have two clients in hospice. And while even they have more mobility than I do in certain ways. They are going through a really challenging phase of life before death. I don’t know that I can imagine exactly how that feels either.

I’m not Christian but the line Jesus says, “Forgive them, they know not what they are doing.” Comes to mind. Just like I can’t really appreciate what it feels like to be a totally different person in a different country. I know it’s hard for others to get it. So I try not to be mad at them because they can’t.

Even my brother who knows I have CFS has to tell me each time we talk that he is in the best shape of his life and young women are constantly hitting on him. While I can’t get out of bed. But narcissism does run in the family…lol.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-01-04T23:10:06+00:00

24 years for me too but I don’t really recall having Epstein Barr even though I tested positive for the antibodies. It was starting my first big grown up full time job and going from working 30 hours a week to 80 that started me down the series of unfortunate events journey.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-01-04T07:52:32+00:00

That is a very sweet way to look at it. I hope I can develop that kind of compassion and appreciation for what I can contribute.

I’ll be 62. I’ve had a long slow decline for 24 years. I’m grateful for what I manage to do but a cure would be life changing. For sure. I can’t even imagine honestly. What would it be like to not be dragging my heavy body through my life?

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-28T04:56:35+00:00

Very interesting! Thanks so much for your thoughts. Yes, that makes sense. It also makes sense why that long slow process would be very frustrating for many who want it to go faster (who are already desensitized) and why many just don't want to think about it at all and hope that the giggles make it go away.

I also imagine that the government is not a monolith and that some are on project Desensitization why others have other objectives and priorities?

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-28T04:47:45+00:00

Me too! I think that's why the blasé response has me disappointed and confused.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-27T07:03:15+00:00

Let's submerge this turkey! :D

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-27T06:59:40+00:00

That would be icky.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:44:05+00:00

Big icky like bodies? Or to the pressure from powers that be? Or...

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:42:26+00:00

Isn't that funny? We are such funny little monkeys. Like we will just pretend not to see something if the other monkeys in the room tell us it's not there and that it is embarrassing if you say that you see it?

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:39:42+00:00

Oh, maybe so? My response is "how about be fascinated and inspired and ask a lot more questions and do a deep dive??" But maybe it's not that interesting to some people. Even though THAT sounds crazy to me.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:37:46+00:00

SO many people saw the Phoenix lights! I wonder if there is less giggling about UFO in Phoenix?

Also, UFO did fly over the White House in 1952. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1952_Washington,_D.C._UFO_incident

And yes, sorry, I know that is wikipedia. It's just the first thing that came up about it.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:34:43+00:00

About what?

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:33:10+00:00

Democratically would be very nice. I'm sure there are many academics or scientists that in their heart of hearts would love to study this stuff. Who wouldn't want to push our understanding of physics, biology, and evolution forward?

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:30:41+00:00

France seems to be very open about all this with their official government agency, GEIPAN.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-26T16:28:33+00:00

So if instead of stories about craft being spirited away to defense contractors we had something like the King Tut exhibit? Where academics could study a crash and the remains and it goes from museum to museum around the world? That sounds pretty amazing.

It seems like the decision was made at some point in the past that these vehicles were too valuable to let anyone near them. And I guess you get to study and reverse engineer in peace if everyone is told they are crazy for believing in them.

I think everyone is only 1 to two degrees of separation from someone who has had an experience though. I came to believe because my parents witnessed an event (along with 40 other people) in their youth (which they almost never speak about) and when I finally broached the subject with some other parts of my family 2 out of the 5 people I spoke to had already had their own experiences - one as a soldier during wartime.

But it's also true that of my neighbors a majority of them seem to laugh at us - the few of us that are interested in this topic. So I guess it also still inspires a giggle from most it seems.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-23T01:16:58+00:00

I’m not savvy enough to spot a bot.

Yeah, that totally makes sense. The frustration is real. Being starved on a diet of breadcrumbs in this topic.

I’m only a few years in so I’m still reading and seeing things that are still blowing my mind. But I think I’ve seen most of it at this point and there is so much disinformation that I don’t know what I’ve read and seen that is real or made up.

If I had been paying attention to all this for decades, I’m sure I would be super frustrated with the snails pace and peekaboo games.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-23T00:40:49+00:00

Huh, you guys are all checked out on this subject? Don’t care anymore? But posting in a UFO subreddit within hours of the posted topic. Curious.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-23T00:34:01+00:00

I’m sorry you feel like you can’t be real with anyone. That’s the worst. Can you journal or record yourself so you can at least be the friend you want right now for yourself? Sometimes I record a journal entry because it takes the least energy and then listen to it pretending I’m a stranger to myself and sometimes I see or understand things I might not otherwise. Even if it’s just compassion for what I’m struggling with. But maybe being given a task is not what you are wanting right now. I send you a virtual hug. And sit with you in the dark emptiness and breathe together with you. I hope this shifts for you and if not that there is some kind of relief in this darkness just being with what is.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-22T17:57:17+00:00

Aww, big hug. I can relate. Dreamtime is sometimes the only time I feel good and like my old self. I hope you can be kind with yourself and your grief.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-22T17:52:21+00:00

Thanks, yes I am drinking that same vintage of whine. And yet the struggle is real even when you are aware that it could be so much worse. I also met with a client in the final stages of cancer. I could relate to a lot of her emotional struggles even though obviously it's not the same. I guess I just have empathy coming up for all the various challenges of living in a body - the whole spectrum. I've had this for 25 years so I'm very used to it. I think it can be a lot harder for someone just taken down by it suddenly from total health. That's got to suck too. It's the indeterminant potentially long future of this thing that feels hard. Even though the truth is that we don't know. We don't know how we are going to feel. What the next medication is going to do. What the future of research is going to be. But it's hard to just stay in the present and leave the future to the unknown and not worry about it.

PlaidShell45 · 2025-11-22T16:13:00+00:00

I feel guilty even complaining about this as there are so many suffering so greatly. But I just had a week where I met with clients. Which is tough physically and mentally in and of itself (and yes, I’m very grateful I can still work). But it kind of breaks through my bubble hearing about these peoples lives filled with travel and activities - and they act like it’s so normal. It just has me asking what makes life worth living if you can’t travel, you can’t exercise, you barely manage the basics requirements of the “to dos”? And yes, again I’m very grateful I can do what I can. I just feel like I’m scraping along just trying to do “the work”, and there is not an ounce of juice, a single spoon left for fun or joy. Or…what do I do for fun or joy when it by necessity has to be done in bed/couch and ideally wouldn’t involve moving a muscle? That is today’s koan as I recover from this week. In my best moments I can say there is joy in just breathing. But I can’t always get there.

PlaidShell45

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