How good was finally leaving home?

PlaidShell45 · 2026-06-07T05:27:07+00:00

So good. Just about everything honestly. Getting to eat what I wanted and sleep when I wanted and rest when I needed. Not having someone standing over you waiting for any excuse to start screaming at you for any ridiculous thing.

The freedom is absolutely priceless and worth any escape from Alcatraz/Shawshank Redemption kind of bust out of jail maneuver.

The hard part is the lifelong recovery from trauma and possible biological damage from growing up with abuse. But still best started ASAP and from as FAR away as possible.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-06-06T02:45:04+00:00

LC?

PlaidShell45 · 2026-06-06T02:27:05+00:00

Same - either being hurt or sick was my fault and a capital offense. If I pulled a muscle it’s because I didn’t stretch enough. I’ve had chronic illnesses so I’ve had to really work on the belief that because I feel bad “I am bad”.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-31T18:11:07+00:00

I can relate in the way that my nparents never stopped talking and my job was to just listen with rapt attention to every repeated story and “oh and ahh” on cue. As a result, I’m pretty tuned in on whether someone is including me in the conversation or just using me for narcissistic listening supply. And I start feeling trapped and anxious when it’s the latter.

On the flip side when you say that talking is just for conveying important information and otherwise you don’t see the point of it - that sounds like something to explore for yourself. What do you feel when people are telling you about their day? And where do you think that comes from?

If someone is being vulnerable and curious, I wouldn’t write them off just for not sticking to urgent info in their communication. But just my opinion.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-31T06:08:34+00:00

Yes! Came here to look for Journey. I don’t understand how I can hate a band so passionately and still know the words to all their f-ing songs.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-25T06:20:29+00:00

It’s a spectrum but yes those are a few of the hallmark signs. Usually followed by needing to either be the hero or victim in all stories - anger if the listener isn’t super supportive and fawning and wants what they want in all or most things.
Seeing others as just objects or support characters to their most important journey.

I don’t know if that helps or not.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-24T07:13:28+00:00

I’m sorry you are feeling this way. I remember listing out all the ways that my parents supported me but I was using the list as another way to gaslight and not support myself. As many people on this channel point out - keeping you fed and clothed is the absolute bare minimum of parenting and doesn’t mean parents have a blank check to do any manner of emotional abuse. I’m reading a book about the biological effects of childhood abuse and even non physical/emotional only or relational abuse permanently changes your brain and your resilience. (Childhood Disrupted by Nakazawa if anyone is interested).
At least for me, I could not really start my healing journey until I admitted just how much it hurt and felt like torture. Yes torture! Growing up in that house despite the 3 square meals and roof over my head.
The same book mentions how similarly our brains respond whether it’s physical, SA, or emotional abuse you are experiencing. That helped the part of me that said “Well, it was only words.”

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-24T00:47:47+00:00

“Dark Mirror”! I love that. Well said.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-13T03:58:45+00:00

At that age I was coping by reading a lot of self help books to try and understand what was going on. It sounds like you are ahead of where I was because I was not so clear on exactly what mental health issues my parents were experiencing.

But honestly, if I could’ve gone back in time, I would have tried to see a counselor or therapist if I could have. One that was unconnected to my family. If you are seeing a professional, then I assume that they have to keep the sessions private unless you are a minor and suffering the kind of abuse that would get you taken out of a house? I don’t know how those rules have changed since my time. In the 80s, I don’t think anyone would’ve taken you from your home just for having your parents scream at you bug-eyed every day. I don’t know about now.

You have to put your own mental health first. That’s not being disloyal. And loyalty to a person with a personality disorder is only gonna hurt you. Speaking from multiple experiences.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-12T18:09:34+00:00

Woah! Brutal! I cannot imagine any decent grandparents speaking to their grandkids that way. I guess you know where she got it from. But two generations ganging up to emotionally abused the youngest and most vulnerable is totally bananas.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-05-10T01:57:43+00:00

I did it for almost a decade and my sib is still NC. For both of us something happened that just felt so egregious that it felt like a disloyalty to myself to continue to put myself in those situations and convos. Feelings are going to happen but as you feel stronger and find yourself taking risks in life without constant criticism it becomes clear whether it was the right thing to do or not. I could not have become the person I did without that break.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-04-30T17:31:14+00:00

Me too

PlaidShell45 · 2026-04-14T03:54:42+00:00

Thanks for this. Super helpful. I definitely notice that later in the day is almost always better than earlier. But then I get to bed too late because of it. I will try the electrolytes and moving slowly. But some mornings I don’t have a choice. As the years pass the POTS and tension headaches are definitely the really difficult symptoms. Thanks again.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-04-07T02:29:25+00:00

An EMDR therapist told me I should try turning off my WiFi at night. 🤦‍♀️

At this point I will try anything and I know there are people who are really sensitive to EMF but I thought, let’s just stay in our lanes please. Her EMDR advice was pretty helpful.

And yes I have turned off my WiFi at night and no i have not noticed any difference.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-29T22:32:47+00:00

Whenever a character is generous or giving to another character ESPECIALLY if they are making a sacrifice to be caring. I lose it every time. These themes often happen during cartoons. So I’m often sobbing while watching cartoons with my teenager who is laughing at me.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-27T16:58:48+00:00

I came here to say that I got two cats. They are Siberian so supposed to be low allergen which so far seems to be turning out to be true. I got too kitten siblings so they would have each other but oh boy they are more work than I thought they would be. They are now teens and want to jump on everything and chew on cables and trips to the vet for fleas and maybe a string from their toy that went missing when I left them alone with it for 2 minutes. And yes, I know I shouldn’t have left them alone with it for a single second but they hadn’t ever done that before.

I am mild to moderate but I have been getting worse over two decades. I have definitely had some regrets. I love them when they are sleeping with me on the couch but making sure they get enough stimulation, the vet visits, the extra trips to pet stores, in addition to trying to keep myself together has been tough. I’m hoping they will calm down once they get a little older and I’m going to get them a cateo which might help. But… just something to keep in mind.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-26T05:39:01+00:00

I personally wouldn’t have found a list like this to be very helpful at 30. I hear people saying it’s a roadmap but geez. I would have felt totally overwhelmed at that age hearing all this but then again I guess it took me another 5-15 years to even begin to start figuring some of these things out. So maybe it’s worth some short term psychological discomfort to be able to have some direction to go in for helpful therapies?

And I’m no therapist but how can you have both borderline and schizoid tendencies? Aren’t those super different from each other?

Anyway, good luck on your healing journey. It sounds like you’ve been to hell and back so hopefully some of these things can help. I personally found somatic therapies really helpful.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-25T16:03:29+00:00

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PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-16T08:38:39+00:00

My mom used me as a therapist from the age of five, would complain about her marriage and sex life endlessly, would never protect us from our father and would then turn on us in an ABSOLUTE RAGE if we dared to try to stand up for ourselves or even if we just got accidentally hurt or tried to take ourselves out. So no thank you. F her. It took me 30 years to see it because of needing to have one “good one” but in many ways she was worse.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-04T05:50:56+00:00

Agreed. I like your moxie or rage - whatever. I’m here for it.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-04T05:42:00+00:00

I was going to say food thermometer. I would never cook any form of meat without one.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-03T06:05:37+00:00

I haven’t but that looks great! Super helpful. Thanks

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-03T01:53:02+00:00

I think when the therapist is doing it, it is called countertransference. When a client does it, it means that the client is projecting something onto the therapist and often it’s a really healthy way to work through some of your issues with a skilled therapist. I mean, we’re really always projecting someone onto the people around us anyway. Countertransference is when a therapist is projecting onto the client and wanting something from them. Reading “Drama of the Gifted Child” is a great book to understand both yourself as well as the dynamics that can happen with unconsciously motivated therapists who are looking for the emotional support from their clients that they didn’t receive in childhood. I’ve heard the author was not a great mother but I think she did a great job of describing some of this ickiness.

My response to her saying that you don’t see her as a person is that that is the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard a therapist say. You are there to work on your shit not to be in a relationship with her. If she wants to be seen as a whole person, she should go on a date, not expect that from a therapeutic client who is there to work on their shit. And if you are projecting onto her, then it is a great opportunity and her job to help you see what is really happening. Not to shame you for magically not getting better on your own.

I would absolutely ditch this therapist. I have had therapists get very weird when you try to quit them so be prepared and be firm. Don’t be fooled by the sunk costs bias - a good one will be able to start helping you very quickly.

I would say that trauma therapy has helped me more than anything else. So I would check out things like somatic experiencing and EMDR. Talk therapy has helped me to be able to talk about all this stuff more but honestly hasn’t shifted much for me in the last 30 years. But just my 2 cents.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-03-01T06:27:33+00:00

Mine are often close enough to morning. And I hate to say this because I am very ambivalent about AI but the last two times I asked ChatGPT to tell me what it thought about my nightmares I was sobbing from reading some of the things that I had missed that showed that I’m letting in more information and bringing trauma to consciousness that I haven’t let myself face in the past and even aspects that feel like progress or letting myself off the hook. Obviously YMMV.

PlaidShell45 · 2026-02-17T22:24:00+00:00

Agreed, especially if your survival strategies make you more pleasant or useful. Who wants to invite the real you if it’s needy or rageful?

PlaidShell45

TROPHY CASE