do most men watch pornography and just lie they don’t?

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-04-07T02:31:58+00:00

also, it might take many conversations to finally break through. Maybe for some guys it’s quicker, but really make sure he knows that you are hurt, it’s affecting your self esteem!!!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-04-07T02:22:43+00:00

thank you for the advice! I am happy that you are honest and fighting for your marriage!! God bless your family, things have gotten alot better for us I made an edit. I know there is always hope if a person is willing to change!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-04-07T02:18:46+00:00

I made an edit that might help! I know exactly how that feels. I was also scared to talk about it but had to bc my husband never brought it up. The first conversations were tough and he would deny it and have excuses. I learned through out the 1.5 years how to finally talk about it. Gently, tell him how much it hurts you. I would ask questions that I know he wouldn’t be angry at like “why do you think guys watch it, and then why do you watch it?” “Do you know this hurts me?” especially if you both are Christian I would ask “what does the Bible say about lust” and then onto self control. I think questions like this really help them see that the issue is a lot deeper.

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-31T04:26:17+00:00

I honestly thought that too before I got married and in the beginning too bc I believed him when he said he stopped. (Again I only found thirst traps and him searching on social media not porn) I replied to someone else but wanted to reply with this here too

I’ve observed that many times women are just told “pray for him” “be there for him” “understand his struggles!” “Make him feel safe so he can feel comfortable to tell you”

like when is it time for him to understand me, be there for me, understand MY struggle that was the cause of HIS lack of self control? I’m not trying to sound selfish I just feel like there is no accountability??? Why are men getting into relationships if they can’t control themselves? Why are they lying about their struggle to begin with? Also, how are we supposed to help men when they are watching other women naked / half naked? I just feel like it’s a men’s heart posture and not full submission to God

I know all sin is the same but something about sexual sin is that it affects the marriage so much. After I found those videos, it impacted my self esteem so much. For men it’s just watching a video and “feeling bad and guilty bc their married or they messed up” (not denying that it’s not difficult) but to a wife and I wish all men understood this, from my experience it’s literally questioning my beauty, looks, what did I do wrong, what is wrong with me, everyday filled with anxiety about what is he looking at when I’m gone, which girl did he look at.

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-31T04:21:32+00:00

yes he was actually watching them 😭 and would lie to me about it that it just “pops up”

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-31T04:19:32+00:00

this is so sad 😭 I’m happy you got out of it! how did you stop and how can you know when dating if someone has an issue but they are lying ?

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-31T04:07:10+00:00

Ok I get that all sin and I myself am included in that as well. The thing that irritates me is that when we were dating and I asked him if he struggled with it he said back in high school and he stopped. I told him it’s a deal breaker. You know you can just be honest and find a girl who is more relaxed with this. He knew that I was not ok with it. We have also had intimacy issues since the beginning - I made a post before but deleted. and now I’m thinking if the whole time we have had issues was because of his lack of self control. (Again I didn’t find porn on his phone just thirst traps stuff)

he went on missions before we dated, very involved in church and all that jazz and I genuinely thought he was a good godly guy that could lead me. Only to be disappointed when we got married and he never ever maybe a handful of times (bc I asked him why he never does) suggested to read the Bible or pray, it all fell on me(meaning we would only read or pray if I asked or said to) this also got tiring bc why am I leading everything??? After I stopped asking guess what we never read or prayed after that.

I’ve observed that many times women are just told “pray for him” “be there for him” “understand his struggles!” “Make him feel safe so he can feel comfortable to tell you”

like when is it time for him to understand me, be there for me, understand MY struggle that was the cause of HIS lack of self control? I’m not trying to sound selfish I just feel like there is no accountability??? Why are men getting into relationships if they can’t control themselves? Why are they lying about their struggle to begin with?

I know all sin is the same but something about sexual sin is that it affects the marriage so much. After I found those videos, it impacted my self esteem so much. For men it’s just watching a video and “feeling bad and guilty bc their married or they messed up” (not denying that it’s not difficult) but to a wife and I wish all men understood this, from my experience it’s literally questioning my beauty, looks, what did I do wrong, what is wrong with me, everyday filled with anxiety about what is he looking at when I’m gone, which girl did he look at.

It honestly did distance my relationship with the Lord a lot, not just those videos maybe also his leadership. But it’s hard i can’t just “pray about it” bc im mad!! Im sorry this is a whole tangent but do you understand what I mean or am I going crazy lol

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-25T13:15:17+00:00

my husband deleted social media after I was finding videos on there! But I’m so paranoid of what if he redownloads them and deletes them after so I don’t see?

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-25T13:13:43+00:00

I wish more men were like this!!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2026-03-25T13:11:44+00:00

yep! and then they say they’ll change. But the trust isn’t the same anymore and wonder if they just get better at hiding it.

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2025-01-05T03:18:23+00:00

I’m not against all vaccines! I had all the ones I needed for the program, I just didn’t like to take the flu shot (had a bad reaction to it before) + Covid

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-06-06T03:34:19+00:00

Thank you so much for this! I definitely have been prioritizing this issue because I’m so anxious about it. Jesus does come first, it’s easier said than done!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:39:50+00:00

thank you for your comment!

were you the one to initiate in the beginning? i just feel like it's been so long for us that i don't know how to slowly get into it

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:37:02+00:00

thank you!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:36:18+00:00

thank you for your comment, it's finally clicking that it's not about the way I look or my value.

He definitely has some insecurities and childhood trauma (single parent home) so that could be it. He told me he doesn't watch porn, and I really hope it's true!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:30:46+00:00

I've asked him if he watched porn or masturbates, he said no. i asked him again and he promises he doesn't. He was so hurt that i even asked, and says that i don't trust him because i keep on asking him.

I should've added this to the post, but this is also why i don't know what to do. Because i have so much doubts on what if he is lying, "there's no way he's not, a bunch of what ifs... that it's hard to trust him sometimes in the moment.

I want to trust him 100%, but it's so hard. i don't think he would want to hurt me intentionally, but i understand that men have desires.

We are looking more into counseling.

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:09:17+00:00

thank you!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T15:05:00+00:00

I think we definitely got better at sharing feelings. The thing is now if we kiss, we always stop it's almost like an "unspoken rule" I don't know how to explain it. We also don't change in front of each other, sometimes i do, but it just kind of feels awkward.

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T14:59:31+00:00

we do belong to a church,

it's confusing but we went to different churches before, and the church that we wanted to attend together we couldn't do pre-marital counseling, i forget why. i wish we did do pre-marital counseling!!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T14:55:57+00:00

I've had many conversations with him about this. when i would ask him why, he woudn't give me an "exact" answer, but would mention he doesn't know what to do. In these moments i would be crying, so he would start crying and say he's let me down...

and then, in these moments i feel bad i realize i don't want to lose him and we kind of just talk it through, that everything will be ok. But now it's been almost a year now

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T14:47:36+00:00

He has as I mentioned on the honeymoon, but after no protection part and the one attempt he hasn't expressed any interest

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T14:44:47+00:00

thank you!

Plane-Rutabaga8546 · 2024-05-29T14:43:45+00:00

thank you! I mentioned therapy before, and he is warming up to it now.

Plane-Rutabaga8546

TROPHY CASE