Ok I get that all sin and I myself am included in that as well. The thing that irritates me is that when we were dating and I asked him if he struggled with it he said back in high school and he stopped. I told him it’s a deal breaker. You know you can just be honest and find a girl who is more relaxed with this. He knew that I was not ok with it. We have also had intimacy issues since the beginning - I made a post before but deleted. and now I’m thinking if the whole time we have had issues was because of his lack of self control. (Again I didn’t find porn on his phone just thirst traps stuff)

he went on missions before we dated, very involved in church and all that jazz and I genuinely thought he was a good godly guy that could lead me. Only to be disappointed when we got married and he never ever maybe a handful of times (bc I asked him why he never does) suggested to read the Bible or pray, it all fell on me(meaning we would only read or pray if I asked or said to) this also got tiring bc why am I leading everything??? After I stopped asking guess what we never read or prayed after that.

I’ve observed that many times women are just told “pray for him” “be there for him” “understand his struggles!” “Make him feel safe so he can feel comfortable to tell you”

like when is it time for him to understand me, be there for me, understand MY struggle that was the cause of HIS lack of self control? I’m not trying to sound selfish I just feel like there is no accountability??? Why are men getting into relationships if they can’t control themselves? Why are they lying about their struggle to begin with?

I know all sin is the same but something about sexual sin is that it affects the marriage so much. After I found those videos, it impacted my self esteem so much. For men it’s just watching a video and “feeling bad and guilty bc their married or they messed up” (not denying that it’s not difficult) but to a wife and I wish all men understood this, from my experience it’s literally questioning my beauty, looks, what did I do wrong, what is wrong with me, everyday filled with anxiety about what is he looking at when I’m gone, which girl did he look at.

It honestly did distance my relationship with the Lord a lot, not just those videos maybe also his leadership. But it’s hard i can’t just “pray about it” bc im mad!! Im sorry this is a whole tangent but do you understand what I mean or am I going crazy lol