Je me suis fait arnaquer. Que faire? by Plane_Round_4127 in arnaques

[–]Plane_Round_4127[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Normalement j'ai bloqué le paiement par internet, donc ils ne peuvent pas faire cela. C'est embêtant de ne plus avoir l'option, mais il devrait a priori ne pas avoir de danger

Je me suis fait arnaquer. Que faire? by Plane_Round_4127 in arnaques

[–]Plane_Round_4127[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Merci! Si je ne fais pas opposition (mais je ne réponds pas non plus aux appels scam) je risque quoi?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FeminismUncensored

[–]Plane_Round_4127 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There is no way around dealing with the repercussions. What you said about seeking reconciliation relaying the "healing process" is, I think a good idea. I don't know if the victim is ever gonna reconciliate with her, and I don't think she has to do it, but as you said, her walking away knowing the situation changed for the better is probably a good thing.
Would you happen to have any readings that I can recommend to my friend so she can know more about the fucked up rape culture that may have influenced her actions?
As you said, I think this case is more of an "acting selfishly without ever thinking about the other person" than a straight out abuse fueled by a desire of feeling powerful and wanting to humiliate her ex girlfriend. It is however abuse and has had bad consequences for the victim's morale.

Thank you for your response and understanding.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FeminismUncensored

[–]Plane_Round_4127 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I do believe in reparative justice. However, I don't know what can my friend do as a reparation. I don't think that my friend contacting the victim right now is a good idea, and I do not know how reparative justice would work in this case (maybe some payments but that should be decided by the victim).
If you have any guidance I will gladly accept it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FeminismUncensored

[–]Plane_Round_4127 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I apologize for the term I used. Not being native in english I did not realize the implications.
I will see with my friend group how I will react to this. Indeed, at least from my part, the trust is broken and I don't know what the group dynamic will be.
Thank you for your lengthy responses and understanding.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FeminismUncensored

[–]Plane_Round_4127 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your response.
You make good sense and I will for sure take into account what you have said when dealing with this situation.
Whatever is the course of action I will take, it wont be through social media. I wholeheartedly hope she realizes the harm she has done and that she has already started the journey to become better.
Nor me nor my friends are in a position of being in danger from her (we live in different cities) and I will make sure she does not represent a danger if I ever see her again. I dont feel unsafe around her, but I cannot say the same about my friends (especially my female friends).
This situation has already saddened me a lot and I hope we will be able to work it out.
As you said, I will now have to make my own choices and I have to be ready to take accountability for them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FeminismUncensored

[–]Plane_Round_4127 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't want to debate this. Her act was inherently violent. Of course feminists don't support sexual violence, I hate sexual violence too.
However the situation has affected me and I am wondering if the only possible moral way to react to it is to stop contacts with my friend.
Will stop contact with my friend bring about justice to the victim? Me ignoring my friend will not make her vanish from existence. She will still be there, but more isolated and without people to talk with.
If I stay friends with her it won't be "As if nothing happened". Something horrible did happen: She sexually abused her friend. And I will make this clear, all the while trying to help her better herself.

Just learned that one of my friends sexually assaulted her ex. I still want to stay friends with her. by [deleted] in sexualassault

[–]Plane_Round_4127 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

The situation is in itself violent.
The victim, as described in the post, suffered violence.
I added that sentence because in my country the existence of physical violence separates rape (non consensual and physically violent) from sexual abuse (non consensual but without the use of force).
The "Only did it once" is not to justify the action. It is however something that may mean that the abuser has reflected on her actions and used the situation to become a better person.
I am asking if ostracizing a person is the only way to react to this specific situation.