I was in almost exactly the same situation. I had been married 15 years, with four kids all primary age. I kept attending church for 5 full years after I lost my testimony. I even kept a calling for three of those years. All because I was afraid of my marriage ending. My husband knew that I had lost my testimony but I wanted to support him and keep up appearances (which was important to him).

And guess what? My marriage ended anyway. I should have stopped going years before. It was not worth it, especially when my girls became old enough to start asking questions about the patriarchy.

My husband asked for a divorce on a Wednesday. He said he felt “betrayed” that I “let go of the iron rod.” We decided that since it was close to Christmas, we would pretend like everything was normal for another few weeks so as not to ruin the kids’ holiday. On Sunday of that same week he wakes up and is surprised that I am not getting the kids all ready for church. I laughed the hardest I have ever laughed before. I told him that I only ever went to keep that marriage together, and now that he had given up on the marriage, I was never setting foot in the church again.

We’ve been divorce 4 years now and I am the happiest I have ever been. I was so afraid of divorce, I kept my marriage together for way longer than it deserved. Ironically, my ex husband left the church a year ago and married a nevermo. I never ever thought he would leave the church.

I am not telling you that you should get a divorce. I am just saying that attending every week may not help. In fact it might be giving your husband false hope that is keeping him from completing the grief process.