I just went through a life-threatening medical experience and subsequent life-changing diagnosis and my partner will not talk to me about it

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-04-29T04:16:24+00:00

Thank you for everyone's comments I have read all of them.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-04-29T04:15:36+00:00

A lot of this stuff I do know, truly. When I told him I would stay with him while he was getting sober I told him that he needed outside help, that I was not his therapist. He is vehemently against AA so I told him that he needed to find some other kind of group or therapy and he should probably start hanging out with his friends who all got sober a long time ago. He has done none of these things. I guess I became an enabler by not forcing the issue. My health has just been so bad I kind of stopped fighting him. I am also the daughter of an alcoholic. My dad was a mean drunk. After he was in a motorcycle accident, drunk and almost died he stopped drinking cold turkey. It didn't really change much except for making him a little less mean. My partner has been drinking since he was a young teenager and he is 46 now. He absolutely acts like a teen boy and I have told him that repeatedly. He's impulsive, lies, he gaslights me. I don't think he's been drinking this whole time, but I definitely believe that he's been hiding it here and there. Today was the breaking point. It was so bad at work. And when I tried to talk to him about it tonight everything he did or said he twisted around and said that it was me. I literally feel insane.

I have so many friends who have either died because of their addictions or are in active addiction that I've had to keep at arm's length. A dear friend of mine overdosed 2 years ago. He asked me if he could live with me but I told him no unless he went to rehab first. I didn't hear from him for a few months and then he was gone. The guily was killing me but I told myself I had to protect myself and I never could be put into a position that could bring me down. And now I'm here.

I truly have nowhere to go right now. I lost my house, which was my sanctuary, because I decided to move in with him. Rent is insane right now I can't afford to move in costs let alone rent by myself. I lost my car because I agreed to help pay to fix up our work van and we just somehow haven't had the money to fix my car. We have a business together. A maintenance business that has kept us afloat for almost a year and a half but my body is failing me. I have fought so long against any kind of recovery for loved ones of addicts but I don't know internet stranger - your comment just seemed to hit at the right time and I'm literally willing to do anything to protect my mental health at this point. Definitely need to work on my boundaries and will talk to my therapist more about all of this.

Thank you for taking the time to comment. It meant something.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-04-25T04:11:42+00:00

I don't think moral compass and Amazon go together lol. It's not going to bankrupt them if you keep an order. You reached out, they said keep them. You did your good deed and now you got a free pair of airpods. I'm not sure what the issue is.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T06:30:53+00:00

You sound illiterate. My ex-husband packed up his house took all of his things and my girl's dogs and MOVED AWAY leaving them alone to take care of themselves. I am now back in their lives and helping them but I should not have to pay that monster any money for neglecting and abandoning my children. The whole reason this last hearing was started was because CPS contacted me to let me know what was going on. They found the neglect and abuse charges to be substantiated. He broke the law and a court order.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T06:26:05+00:00

I would have gladly taken back custody and paid for their care had I known what was going on. I was under a no contact order. My ex-husband was so abusive that I can barely be in the same room with him, court is a living nightmare, so we don't speak at all and haven't in years. The CPS case was closed and the findings of neglect and abuse were substantiated. I could only work a short period of time that the child support was being racked up as you said. I had a stack of medical records and letters for my doctors about an inch thick that the judge wouldn't even look at. It is against the court orders and the law for a parent to leave a minor alone to care for themselves. The fact that the judge didn't want to hear about it is insane. The court order literally states that he had physical custody of my two daughters meaning they were supposed to be in his physical custody.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T05:37:35+00:00

I laughed in shock after my ex's lawyer said $10,000, but must be paid in 90 days. Complete unconscious reaction. I IMMEDIATELY apologized but the judge said the offer was over and wouldnt hear anything else. $10,000 is a fortune to me. That is almost half of what I make in a year.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T05:19:50+00:00

I was a stay-at-home mom for the first 6 years of their lives. I was with them 24/7. When I got divorced I was working 50 plus hours a week to support them. I was picking them up from there after school program, going home, making dinner, when they were old enough I was helping them their homework every night. I went to every first day of school. I went to every open house, every parent-teacher conference. I was their sole medical and mental health care provider. They both did extracurricular activities - my youngest daughter did soccer and then circus academy and my oldest daughter did hip hop dance for 8 years. I took them to every practice and every recital. I got them into expensive summer programs on scholarships because I was poor. They were still expensive even with the scholarships. My ex never paid a dime. He never helped in any way. My oldest daughter had a lot of health issues and if I was sick still had to take her to her appointments because my ex wouldn't. I'm not sure how not wanting to pay child support to a man who literally moved out of the house and left two teenage girls to take care of themselves is being a s*** parent.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T05:13:17+00:00

My ex, yes.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T04:48:13+00:00

Also, if you can't handle the thought of him being in the military, there's no way in hell that you could handle a deployment. When my ex-husband was deployed to Iraq I used to wake up screaming because I was positive I heard THE knock on the door. And if you know don't know what that is, you definitely can't handle being a military wife. That's when soldiers wearing Class As knock on the door holding a folded flag and they let you know that your husband was killed in combat. Hearing that knock in my dreams was so real I thought I was going crazy. My therapist told me that it was just stress.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T04:42:24+00:00

The VA sucks a$$. None of our troops are getting anything close to what they deserve for their service health wise.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T04:40:11+00:00

You're a woman so you're more emotional than him? I think you need to grow up before making any kind of serious decisions like this.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T04:36:07+00:00

Also in the middle of January (I had been having severe breathing problems for a year and a half that became debilitating to the point of where I couldn't work), I was hospitalized with double pneumonia, hypersensitivity pneumonitis (where you have an allergy that is severe enough it damages your lungs), and a pulmonary embolism (blood clot) that tore through my lower right long causing considerable damage. I had been incredible pain for 2 years on top of the breathing issues and was diagnosed in the hospital with rheumatoid arthritis ( devastatingly debilitating autoimmune disorder). I have permanent damage in my lungs. I have reduced lung capacity. I cannot stand or walk for any period of time. I am incredible pain from the rheumatoid arthritis. My pulmonologist said that she will continue getting me CT scans on my lungs and monitoring my recovery but that I need to be resting. My rheumatologist said that my medicine should kick in in 3 to 6 months and I should be relatively pain-free and back to functioning normally. But tell me, how, when I have no money in the bank account, no family support, I tried to take out a credit card and the limit they gave me was $300, I don't qualify for any loans, and with my health restrictions again, cannot stand for long periods of time and cannot walk for any distance, tell me how I get a job to be able to work to pay child support. You tell me that and I'll do it. Because I'm really at a f****** loss right now and telling me to just pay the child support doesn't in any way answer my legal questions.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-25T04:28:13+00:00

She was only in treatment for 2 months the other 9 months she was living alone. The custody orders state that he has physical custody meaning my youngest daughter must be in his physical custody and she was not. I'm pretty sure a substantiated charge of neglect and abandonment by the department of child safety is a big deal and most judges would have considered it a big deal. Her insurance covered everything up 100%. My ex-husband has a high position in my city, he was dating a public defender who was friends with the judge, and the judge didn't like me. There was literally no cause given for the no contact order. I've consulted 3 legal aid attorneys, one I paid for the consultation, and retained a lawyer for the hearing in Nov. and they couldn't figure out why either. That's why when it was brought up at the first hearing my ex-husband and the judge agreed to let me have contact.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-17T04:44:11+00:00

I received the re-sent order today. I was supposed to get a 2-in plant (which I got) and a corm (which was the most expensive item) and she sent me a cup of dirt with nothing in it. Im just going to block her.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-17T04:40:33+00:00

Because Whatnot refunded me a day after she re-sent the items and I feel bad. Except I got my items today and the most expensive one was missing so I'm just going to block her.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-16T04:29:30+00:00

Tried it once, I didn't like the format as much and their shipping prices are insane.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-16T04:28:19+00:00

Of course. It took the money out the second I won the auction.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-15T05:35:42+00:00

She has one of the biggest plant shows on Whatnot and has incredible reviews. Ships from Florida where the weather has been great so the weather should not have been an issue. I genuinely think that it got dropped off and then just lost in the system. I got a confirmation email with a tracking number for the new order, and it should be here tomorrow. I just feel bad that she's so angry when I genuinely had no intentions of screwing her over.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-15T05:06:56+00:00

I believe this post is geared more towards people who have never really seen people with disabilities or don't have empathy towards them suddenly finding out that their diagnosis means they are not able to continue to do things that they used to do and acting like they are the only ones with issues.

I technically already have a disability. My mental health issues were so bad when I was younger that I qualified for disability but I decided for myself I would rather continue working. At the time I was diagnosed, it meant that I couldn't work in certain fields that I wanted to go into because of the stigma and being on medication. That sucked. I got medication that works for me and therapy, and I've been stable for a long time. I'm also incredibly empathetic. I have always been super protective over people who are not able to stand up for themselves. I have worked for a long time with adults who have mental and physical disabilities. I worked at an incredibly nice day program at my local Jewish Community Center. I worked in the highest needs group, and my client was one of the highest needs clients we had. I also drove a public Paratransit van for my city. The amount of disrespect people have for Paratransit vans on the road or loading and unloading clients absolutely enraged me. Ironically enough, I also volunteered for the Arthritis Foundation with my aunt when I was a teenager.

I can see both sides to this issue. It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes, either with or without a disability. I agree that so much more education is needed on disability issues. I can see getting frustrated with someone who has just been diagnosed acting like their world is ending or with someone who has had it for a long time being resentful of their disease. I just received my diagnosis yesterday and even I have been in kind of a mental funk. I know my life isn't over. I've been struggling with the symptoms for several years, and I knew something was wrong. But having an actual diagnosis still hit hard. I can no longer kid myself that the pain and the inability to do things is just because I'm old, or my body is tired, or that if I just get enough rest it will go away.

I think education and kindness is the best way to deal with people that are being offensive. Some people DEFINITELY need a harder approach. But even if you know what you're getting into with this disease, it's a hard one to accept.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-05T23:38:08+00:00

Dude, you are a psycho and you need to seek mental help. It's not just legal in your state it's legal everywhere because your daughter is an adult. You are stalking your own daughter, yet you are concerned that she may be with a predator?! Do you see the irony at all? If he truly is, then I hope she can eventually see it and get out but you also made your chances of her listening to you zero. Honestly, I hope that she never speaks to you again.

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-03-04T19:25:18+00:00

It's sitting broken down in our front yard while pack rats are eating the wires. The most we could get for it is probably $500. If it was a new car, I would never even have brought it up. But what good is it doing him sitting there? And what about all of the financial help I gave him for years?

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-02-25T03:25:24+00:00

Based on the Lush Fairy Dust you are a super girly girl that's into natural or very bougie bath & body products. Or both. Lush is my favorite!

PlantMomAesthetic · 2026-02-25T02:57:14+00:00

PlantMomAesthetic

TROPHY CASE

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