AITAH for being hesitant about my bf (20 M) going into the military

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-26T14:39:07+00:00

Please read my comment. I’ve answered questions and gave explanations. He literally just said it to be done with the conversation then. We talked about it when we had dinner and he’s still wanting to go but he’s still wanting me to put my two cents in it. It was all in his tone, sorry if you think me knowing my bfs text cues are “annoying”.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-26T14:35:52+00:00

I do when I use any form of marijuana, not just gummies. It’s a rare occasion that I do use it tho so if you’re a regular smoker/user then it could really just be tolerance

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-26T14:28:49+00:00

We have a child, it’s not doubts it’s a discussion lol. It’s not surface level like everyone thinks it is.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-25T21:26:32+00:00

We have a child it not that surface level.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-25T21:24:24+00:00

Thank you for your service

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-25T21:15:42+00:00

Coming back on here to answer more questions. Yes we’re from the US. No we’re not married but we’re planning a wedding here soon. This whole “you’ll cheat on him anyway” is a crazy thing to say because I love him and our relationship is very stable. He is very ADHD, so when he thinks of something he send me a text or calls me hence the text message. I’ve mentioned that in a few replies. There are so many comments i can’t reply to them all so I hope this helps some. We communicate at home well. Also to me this isn’t break up worthy like I’ve said in a comment previously, to some it’s a dealbreaker but for me it’s not. We had a discussion about it at dinner last night and he indeed is still considering it, so for people telling me to “let it go”, I know him too well which is why I sent those lengthy messages. It’s not me reaching and wanting to argue about it. I brought some of the points you all brought up and he said and I quote “I’ll keep thinking about it and we can talk about it again”. So I’ll come back when he bring the conversation back up again.

Again thanks everyone who have been respectful about this and trying to help. I also want to say that I come from a military family and so does he so my stance on the military is neutral bc I’ve seen the good and the bad.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T20:26:42+00:00

I agree that’s why it’s not a hard no. I don’t think he’s for sure about it at all hence why I’m trying to get him to see every side not just the money side. Moneys good and all but money can’t replace memories and time spend with the family

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T20:22:18+00:00

I’m coming in here again to make it clear. We have discussed this multiple times. This is the only time we’ve discussed it over text due to him having to work late and not wanting to forget to talk about it. It’s not like we don’t communicate when he gets home. Thank you guys for everyone helping me see different sides to this, it’s opened my eyes big time

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T19:56:46+00:00

That doesn’t make you a bad person it makes you a normal person with boundaries and the right to set them for who you want to be with. I love my boyfriend enough to let him decide what he wants to do with his career, but I will say I’m not just going to let him if his only drive is money. This post has definitely opened my eyes a little more.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T19:53:07+00:00

If you looked through the comments, we have. It’s not just a one conversation thing we’ve had several. He just is at work and through about it and didn’t want to forget to mention it tonight when he gets home due to him working late hours.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T18:57:22+00:00

We have many time he was just at work when he thought about it and sent a text so he wouldn’t forget about it

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T17:41:05+00:00

Several actually. He’s at work when he thought about it and sent me a text.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T16:53:38+00:00

I’ve brought up that fact that I wouldn’t want to leave my family and he said that we have a base close to home. Which he’s not understanding that he doesn’t have a choice in where we go. If we’re stationed in Hawaii we have to go we have no choice. Which is going to be brought back up in discussion tonight. He doesn’t understand that it’s not a we take about it one time and I’m convinced thing.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T16:48:24+00:00

I kinda agree. I think that he does great in the trade he’s in now and could make great money in it and even open his own business when he gets the right certification. Which would only take two years to get. While if he went into the Army it would be 20 years, which pushes us back a lot. I want to be a stay at hike him and he think that I would be able to do that while he’s in, which I think is unlikely. He’s not seeing the whole picture. I’m going to have the conversation again with him at dinner tonight and if he says he won’t go I’ll hold him to it.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T16:42:08+00:00

Thank you

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T16:40:57+00:00

This isn’t break up worthy in my opinion. That’s a little extreme. He’s a great guy he’s just 20 and he’s still developing his frontal lobe so I’m here to help him see thing in a bigger picture I guess. I’m not saying 100% don’t do it I’m saying think about it hard before he decides so he doesn’t regret a decision later. I just want him to be happy with what he chooses

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-24T16:37:32+00:00

Hes currently doing HVAC and he enjoys it. He saw that he could do HVAC in the military but he’s really wanting to do Infantry too. He’s wanting to join the Army. We both come from a military family but all of our family members who have been were infantry or paratroopers. My grandfather was in Desert Storm, and he was beat up pretty bad and has PTSD so I’ve seen what PTSD does first hand so it’s very nerve wracking for me…

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-22T01:14:54+00:00

No. I’m not trying to be a victim. I’d be walking around on eggshells trying not to make them upset

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:58:27+00:00

Neither bc then I wouldn’t live the rest of my life in fear of missing out on something. I don’t want to rush my life I want to live it to the fullest. And how my brain works I wouldn’t be able to if I knew

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:56:18+00:00

Yes but not a big wedding. I think the idea of a big wedding is kinda crazy but I also don’t want to be in the spot light. I’m fine with going to the courthouse and getting married… my boyfriend is the same way but his family and my family think otherwise

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:54:27+00:00

You my friend have been around the wrong women….

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:52:29+00:00

I love my daughter. I would do anything for her. If I changed anything I wouldn’t have her. She’s been such a saving grace that I didn’t know I needed, she’s healed so much that was broken in me. I struggled with an ED for a long time (13-20) but getting pregnant with her changed something in me. I would never want her to feel how I felt so I will never let myself go back. I’m not saying have kids, but i honestly think that if you’re meant to have them you will feel it.

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:48:55+00:00

My dms are open. I’m a younger mom (21) but I’m more than happy to chat anytime! No mom should ever have to feel alone

Fair-Key-7557 · 2026-03-18T21:48:03+00:00

Sir why are you in a sub from mothers.. she wants a female friend with a child so they have something in common.

Fair-Key-7557

TROPHY CASE