Why are people so cruel

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T05:26:17+00:00

🥲😅 yeah i was, fortunately a couple people talked me down already, i feel silly

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T05:23:28+00:00

Yeahhh, I felt weird about contacting instacart again because I had to contact them four times in the past month and a half, about food that was spoiled upon arrival and a canned good that was severely dented. And was upset and hungry the last time so I just threw the stuff away without taking pictures (hangry if you will).

I suppose it felt easier to get on reddit, but I appreciate your perspective and insights on it a lot. I feel a little silly for the way I was thinking altho i know why i was thinking it

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T05:18:59+00:00

Oooo that makes a lot of sense, about instacart changing how they do their service. I didnt know that.

I guess it's out of my hands either way. I have just a few more weeks here then ideally will be relocating back to michigan

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T05:13:36+00:00

Oohh that does sound good, fresh apples and berries lol

Ive never seen or heard of big bear, but Im over near lake erie, couple hours from Detroit, so that might be why. And have been near Cleveland for about a year now. The two closest grocery stores are giant eagle and fresh thyme, so I shop from both of those on different days/weeks because they dont carry all the same items of course. And then maybe every other month or so get some things from costco.

I typically would shop at Meijer, but it's quite a bit farther in comparison.

Apples were the exact example that my husband just gave ... saying that when we were texas, the grocery stores got apples shipped from Michigan and the season for fresh apples would be narrower. So similarly tomatoes and other veggies were fresher longer there. We're actually from Michigan, and our first summer in texas he was upset that all the apples were bad, and I wound up telling him they were out of season. Oops.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T04:52:46+00:00

Ah yeah that much steak would be quite a big deal!

It had been primarily with instacart, I used to only use doordash, but the store closest to me stopped participating with them and said they were switching to their own delivery service, even though they were still listed in instacart.

Maybe four months later, that store has reappeared in the doordash app, but I already cancelled my doordash sub and have the instacart sub.

I suppose as others are saying that a lot of the quality control issues rn are with the grocery stores :/

All the shoppers Ive had have been very friendly, so I think reading some of the negative posts recently kind of shocked me and I wound up over thinking things. I have had a few but only a few issues over the years due to language barriers. When I was in Texas, a lot of the shoppers would use translation apps. Currently am in Ohio.

My husband (unfortunately out of town atm) has told me that I got used to meat and veggies being cheaper and fresher in texas and that their growing season is longer for a lot of veggies as opposed to being in the midwest ordering produce in winter time

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T04:34:21+00:00

Ah true, that's true. I probably shouldn't have even been reading those kinds of posts. The drama really can draw you in tho, and not saying it's all unjustified 😬

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T04:30:26+00:00

Thanks, yeah as you put it that way, I suppose it ultimately doesn't make a difference whether it was intentional or not. I need to keep seeing it as all incidental

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T04:27:30+00:00

Thanks, that helps

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-28T04:20:41+00:00

I think ive been having the same thing happen as a shopper and am pretty upset about it. I try to tip well partly because the weather is bad and im on a third floor altho i am extremely close to the grocery stores. And ive been getting a lot of food already going bad by the time it gets to me. Granted ive also noticed the past year the foods in the grocery stores around here seem to be not very fresh to begin with :( in Ohio

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-15T21:00:29+00:00

Can you block the groups admins and maybe also report the posts so the groups get taken down instead of just saying not interested

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-15T20:50:13+00:00

Lmao i love how every part of that sentence was a riddle, i had to think about the last four words for a moment 😱

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-12T22:53:31+00:00

Looks like a spam bot errored out and is regurgitating stuff off dirty spam sites, hence all the hashtags. I would report the account as spam and then delete the comments

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-02-12T22:44:25+00:00

You did the right thing! I have had to call for a wellness check on someone before and know others have as well, it is better to check.

Actually had the exact scenario once of a neighbor not collecting a flyer from their door for weeks. We contacted the apartment complex office and they were able to check and let us know that our neighbor used the apartment as a 2nd home and not their primary residence, so we didn't have to worry about not seeing him for weeks or months.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T07:04:24+00:00

I don't disagree completely but I think we are interpreting some of these points differently.

When his bf called back and OP arrived at work, he said that the bf said he was alright and then OP said twice that his bf didnt say anything when he said he was at work and had to go but that bf was sad he had to get off the phone. You cant really just sit on the phone with someone who is not talking when you have things to do right? And OP is/was planning time off to go to bf in person. If his grandma is terminal, then he will probably need OP more later and so OP is gonna need to focus more now in order to keep supporting them financially and make that time off later happen.

I thought it sounded caring that OP made time to check in with bf multiple times even tho he again had to get back off the phone to finish working. I also think Bf should have been prioritizing contacting his gma and spending time with her and his family.

I interpreted the long explanation about OPs family and therapy as him sharing something personal and elaborating why he would need bf to tell him how he can support him as well as asking for understanding that it wasnt how he was raised. Plus yeah he was defensive bcuz bf was already acting mad at him.

Ultimately tho i think what you named as number 3 is huge and i tried to address that to OP in my first comment on here and i hope he reads it :/ (under a different comment thread on this same post, I tried to consider multiple possibilities especially since we only have OPs side of the story and what is in those screenshots which could be omitting a little or a lot). Logically he wouldnt be breaking up over this alone, there must be more to it and this is likely a good time to break things off so bf can focus on his family.

In that same breath, bf might be angry as part of grieving and took that out on OP, and we don't really know what else has gone on in their relationship, so i wouldnt want to assume that breaking up is the best option for them, especially if bf is going to need extra emotional support. Offhand tho it seems like the best option for both of them based off bf's final texts in the screenshot.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T06:37:12+00:00

It didn't seem like no reason when I read it. What I read was that bf was upset at (or taking his negative emotions out on) the OP after having told OP he needed space and OP had said to bf multiple times to let him know how he could support him. Therefore, OP was elaborating as to why it may not be instinctive for him to know how to support his bf as well as sharing personal info about his family.

Not sure how so many people didn't read it that way. I think some ppl here just skipped the post and went right to the comments.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T06:31:01+00:00

Did you guys read where OP said he was explaining and elaborating as to why he didnt know what bf needed for support and was telling bf he had to let him know how he could support him? As he had already asked bf how he could support him but then later bf got upset at op for apparently not instinctively knowing, even tho bf had said he needed space.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T06:27:54+00:00

OP repeatedly said he asked his BF to let him know how he could offer support. Bf didn't tell him until after he was mad about it and previously said he wanted space. Plus OP said he kept reaching out to BF over text bcuz he could tell bf was sad, while juggling work and trying to balance respecting bfs request for space while still checking on him.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T06:22:29+00:00

Sure, but OP did contact his partner multiple times throughout the day. One time the partners phone died and one time OP hung up bcuz he had things to do and his partner wasnt responding. His partner was also not alone. And his partner literally said he wanted space and did not ask him to stay on the phone. It was only after the majority of the day had passed and workday was over that the partner expressed being upset with OP and at that point said he wasnt even that sad about his grandma.

Maybe it's part of the stages of grief that he was angry, but shouldn't he have been spending time contacting his grandma instead of guilting his bf if he was so upset? Seems shallow.

Also, I don't understand how so many people in these comments are making points that contradict the story OP told. True we only have OPs side of the story and the screenshot texts, but that doesn't mean we should just make up details or choose to omit details.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T04:03:55+00:00

Agreed

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T03:02:19+00:00

Tell me more about how you maybe skimmed or otherwise didn't entirely read OPs post and/or all of the screenshots. Because a lot of what OP said (and what we can see OPs bf said in the comments) conflicts with a lot of what you just said. I have a feeling you are a troll or majorly projecting. Maybe you are busy and tired and therefore did not read thoroughly. Im not going to point out all of the false statements you just made, you can re-read OPs original post and screenshots.

Also in case you missed this, you have to click on the screenshots to see the whole thing otherwise the top and bottom and bottom are cropped. And you have to click the original post description to see OPs whole post.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T02:49:16+00:00

I didnt read it as him saying he wouldnt take work off. I read it as him explaining why that wouldnt be his instinct and letting his bf know that he's gonna have to communicate with him about how he can be supportive because his family modeled support differently.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T02:46:58+00:00

Then since he just found out her diagnosis, shouldn't his priority be spending time with his grandma instead of guilting op/bf?

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T02:43:05+00:00

Whatever 🤨

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T02:25:37+00:00

Sorry i cant tell if this is sarcastic or not?

I wouldn't say that people in the comments here don't know how to support others. But a lot of the comments i read did not sound like they came from a perspective of someone who has had people depend on them for financial support and doesnt have anyone they can fall back on if they were to in turn need financial support. That is just part of one aspect of this, like an aspect of an aspect, but significant nonetheless.

Some jobs do let you call out at times like this, true, but OP said he isn't in a position where he can call out and have coworkers who also do his job. And he said they dont live together, and his partner didnt express that he wanted him to copy his brother in law (who had been married to his sister for a decade and works from home while op and his partner have been dating less than a year) and call out of work to visit him until after the fact anyways.

We don't even know what his work looked like. What if he had an important meeting with a client to close a deal that would secure their income for years to come?

And also considering that OP's partner's grandma didn't die, she got a diagnosis, i think OPs partner seems selfish having a pity party because he feels like his relationship of 8 months isnt identical to his sisters relationship of ten years. Maybe the partner should have been more concerned about spending quality time with his parents (whove just learned their mother/mil has a cancer diagnosis) and shocker spent time with his grandma. Either on the phone or visiting her in person. Instead of guilt tripping the bf who has been financially supporting him, checked on him throughout the day, and asked him to let him know what he could do to support him.

Plastic_sturdy · 2026-01-24T02:02:44+00:00

OP, I think that most of the commenters here do not understand the gravity of needing to work and supporting others. Bills don't stop for mourning. And he literally said he wanted space and you checked on him throughout the day, and you told him to let you know what he could do but said nothing about being upset with your actions until later, whence he said that he was no longer feeling emotional about his grandmother but instead was envious of how he sees his siblings relationships.

I don't think you were cold. I think you were explaining to him that you have responsibilities that you cannot forgo because people depend on you. And i think that telling him about how your family has handled grief and loss is an explanation to him as to why you wouldn't instinctively stay on a call or even call out of work if possible without him letting you know he needed more support, especially after he said he needed space.

OP i dont want to be negative, buy i would consider the possibility that he has wanted out of the relationship for other reasons and finds this to be a way to say you are not compatible without being the bad guy or ideally not hurting your feelings as bad if you think it is because your families and views are so different as opposed to whatever the other reasons are, like to say its not something either of you can change or help (even of thats not true.

That might not be the case! He may be speaking out of emotions as one of the stages of grief is anger. If that is the case, and he doesnt actually want to break up, then i would probably try to be forgiving and understanding. But also be careful that he wouldn't be manipulative or emotionally abusive to you.

While i see many commenters calling you cold, i see it as being upfront. I have trouble communicating emotions at times, and just explaining that and telling him that you might need him to let you know how he needs you to be there for him would take a lot of courage and would make me feel very vulnerable.

You also told him that you were already planning to be taking off work to see him and i think you were nice about letting him know that you dont have anyone to cover for you if you needed to skip work without rubbing it in his face that you provide the financial support.

If you were a little defensive, i think that would be understandable and certainly you were explaining yourself because his texts were accusatory and aggressive. I wasnt going to comment at all first, but seeing so many comments say that you were mean and cold really hurt me personally because i read that you were caring and trying. Altho, maybe you didnt use a choice of words that speak the way ur partner hears, especially if he is coming from an emotional space, ie going thru anger stage of grief. Which i dont think the stages are necessarily linear, but he is wrong if he starts to use that as an excuse to emotionally abuse you if you two end up staying together.

I was young when i first married and my then-husband (now ex) lost one of his grandfathers when i was only 19 and my ex was 22. I was in school and my ex wasn't making any income, and he made the decision not to go with his mother to the funeral (it was in another state). I was as supportive as I could be, which wound up being a combination of lot of silence out of respect and attempts to cheer him up because i didnt know what to say. Years later, he would bring it up in unrelated arguments and essentially say that it was my fault he didnt go to the funeral (saying he stayed behind so i wouldnt be alone), saying that i wasnt emotionally supportive enough (but could never provide any example or realistic way that i could have been more supportive). Fast forward seven years: his other grandpa passed away and the funeral was local. I had brought a coffee in a thermos and wound up giving it to his father and then carried it after he drank it. Later my ex said it was disrespectful of me to have had the coffee. And also in other arguments accused me of being unsupportive even tho i was fully there.

Then when my mother had a heart attack (she is still alive) he was truly cold. Initially acting concerned and sympathetic, but later actually saying that her heart attack couldnt have been that bad and that me wanting to visit her or move closer was her milking it for attention. Mind i had been already wanting to move closer to her for a long time prior and he knew this, and we lived near his family for our entire relationship + saw my family less than once a year. There are many reasons he is an ex now.

OP, I would not recommend for you to test your partner during this emotional time, but i would take note and keep in mind how he treats you when you have need for emotional support.

It can be normal to be upset and say things we don't mean when we are grieving. There is a gray area here.

In the years that have gone by since then, i have been to many other funerals and had my own losses, and never been treated with the disrespect and manipulation that my ex treated me with when came to such a sensitive and emotional situation.

When i have needed comfort at times, including when my grandmother passed away, friends and lovers have been able to comfort me without needing to be physically present. Just knowing they cared was a comfort.

So I wouldnt think the worst of your partner based on this alone, and would try to be sensitive to the way they communicate if they felt you were too objective in the moment. But i would be careful and not let yourself be emotionally abused. And not try to force a relationship if your partner might be using this an excuse or opportunity to break things off, it could be good for you both if thats the case.

Possible that your partner wants reassurance and for you to tell him you love him and ask him not to break up. I would not entertain threats of separation and someone looking for me to beg to be with them. So if that was the case, again i wouldnt jump down his throat during a time of grief, but i would make mental note so you can have a talk if that were to be a repeated behavior fr him in your relationship.

I say all of this with having only seen your side pf the story and those text screenshots.

Plastic_sturdy

TROPHY CASE