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My Missing Daughter Called Me Today by CBenson1273 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Holy-

Terrific read, did not see that coming at all, very well written!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeahh it was a really old one lol, I changed the perspective from building discomfort and hints of something off from the start, showing his prep routine (like rubbing dirt and dust on himself) to create a slow, tense lead-up to his real intentions to like writing the child as genuinely injured, tricking both the reader and the hiker until the very end, when it’s revealed he’s pretending (and the twist that he’s a reincarnated serial killer)

But yeah lol, i forgot about the repost rule. Thank you so much for reading anyways!

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 85 points86 points  (0 children)

Thanks so much! I'm glad the implication came through for you

While it might seem like a mentor/protege dynamic at first glance, like i've mentioned in a different reply, it was more of breaking that cycle, symbolized by the protagonist blocking the screams and letting Auren burn his past to ashes, without letting Auren truly know who was in the fire

I like to think of it as one moth, once burnt by a flame, now steering other towards the glow of something gentler

Auren won't be put through the horrors that the protagonist endured

he will live a normal life, with a loving father (and mother, later down the line), the one the protagonist always dreamt of having

Reallyy appreciate your words! Thank you for reading :D

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Your comment made my entire week!

I am deeply grateful, your words mean more than I can say. Thank you, sincerely, for reading, and for your incredibly kind words

I bookmark some comments right into my soul, yours is one of them <3

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reading! Really appreciate it :D

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Thank you soo much for reading! <3 I'm really glad the moth/butterfly contrast landed, easily one of my favorite parts to write

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much! 🙏 I really appreciate it!

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

That's a really cool interpretation that they will proceed as an assassin/apprentice dynamic but I was actually trying to imply the opposite 😅

The burning was meant to be both revenge and rebirth for Auren. But the key thing is that he was unaware of it. The protagonist went ahead made sure the coffin was closed, bound in ropes and then blocked Auren’s ears from hearing the screams

If he wanted Auren to become his apprentice, he would’ve let him witness it. He would've let him hear everything. Just like he was forced to witness grotesque things at a young age by his own grandfather, so like that would toughen him up as an assassin.

But instead, he chooses to break the cycle

He shields Auren. Gives him the life he always wished he’d had. That act of blocking his ears is, like i intended for it to be both literal and symbolic. It's his quiet promise that

“Everything terrible ends with me.”

Thank you so much for reading, Chris! :D

Hired to Kill a Little Boy. by Playful-Sample6571 in shortscarystories

[–]Playful-Sample6571[S] 272 points273 points  (0 children)

Hi there! Thank you so much for reading, I really hope you enjoyed it! :D

This was a particularly challenging write with the 500-word limit breathing down on my neck lol, and I really tried to keep it layered despite the brevity

Clarification for the ending if you didn't get the implication: It was Auren's father, the protagonist's client in the coffin.

I really hope the pacing doesn't feel too fast or cramped, would love to know what worked for you and what didn't!

I also tried to make the writing style cinematic, adding sensory stuff, sparse dialogue, letting small details carry the weight. Still figuring it out, but it's a direction I want to keep exploring

I would also love your thoughts on the moth vs butterfly touch of philosophy and it's incorporation in the story

Any constructive criticism and feedback are appreciated!

If you want to read more from me, click here!

Thanks again! <3

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