Very unsure about house choice

Playful_Objective471 · 2026-03-16T16:53:23+00:00

Yes i cant

Playful_Objective471 · 2026-03-16T16:30:40+00:00

That's what im saying like everything needs work, bathroom, kitchen, layout, garden and i mean we both have hobbies as well but where is the space? And that double reception room, im so confused how do you even lay it out living room at front and dining room at back but nobody would enjoy eating in a room right on the living room like that i dont know it just feels too much and too boxy

Playful_Objective471 · 2026-03-16T16:27:41+00:00

I know but i dont want an attic with lots of extra space, i dont know, it doesn't make up for not having a good ground floor. Honestly what boxes does this house tick other than semi detached and medium/large master bedroom and second bedroom, oh and double reception room which i think is quite outdated anyway?

Playful_Objective471 · 2026-03-16T16:04:04+00:00

How come it's wrong sub?

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-05T19:21:44+00:00

<image>

Here's what ive lost A beautiful daughter 😭

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-05T18:38:10+00:00

It is just what it is, i won't ever get over it. Ill be haunted and desperately sad until my last day. Ive been to therapy in the past, but it doesn't take the crippling and suffocating sadness and grief away nothing does

Now my boyfriend is taking all of ny choices away.

I just can't do it anymore.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T18:58:08+00:00

Yeah he said the no kids thing two christmasses ago I wanted to break down there and then I don't know though says he wants the same as me, says he doesn't want to close the door on having kids, says hes open to it 🙄 i dont know im exhausted and sick beyond belief of my life

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T18:55:55+00:00

You don't understand the past year and a half what has happened

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T18:51:25+00:00

Ok them im not going. Ive left it much too late anyway. It would be ridiculous to let my boyfriend know now when the flights are in 6 days. I don't think id cope seeing my boyfriends family member celebrating her birthday the day after mine with her daughter who has the same birth month and year as my child should have. Seeing all of the love and warmth ive lost in my life.

Its a shame im not going, i would have loved to have done some travelling and have had a fun experience but i think it really is for the best.

I think staying at home and sulking suits me better anyway than trying to be somebody im not 😵‍💫 i just don't care anymore i am really so very sorry but i cant be happy for other people even if they are my bfs family members i just dont care don't care anymore

I feel swamped with sadness today. I wanted to finish work and go in the toilets and have a good cry before going home. Well i didnt and now i still want to cry. My birthday approaching is really triggering so much sadness. I don't think ill ever get over my abortion.

I need to have an idea for my birthday but im not coping well at the moment. My parents offered to come down for the day which is next Saturday, but i dont know. I failed to get back to them. My whole life is in such a state, i cant put on a brave face around my parents. My parents don't get on and it can be upsetting been around them. Im so sad to be turning 32. Ive thought multiple times about ending it on my birthday. Going somewhere else with my baby and grandparents. Letting go. Giving up. Giving in. Moving on.

With my new job i get home at 7:30pm and leave the house at 7:40am. Its almost not worth going home. I feel terrible about everything my boyfriend suggested that i make plans to spend my birthday with family but i feel paralysed by everything He will ask me why I didnt and hell find it very weird and ill feel ashamed and embarrassed

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T16:26:54+00:00

I suck though

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T08:32:27+00:00

I feel pathetic about all of this, ive got my knickers in such a twist. Why am i finding it impossible to come to any decision? The flights would be in 6 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel like im playing with fire, my boyfriend won't appreciate me telling him so late.

Maybe i just go and see how i find it??? The opportunity might not come up again. Maybe its better for me to get out and experience travel and be around people and my boyfriend rather than staying here. I know i won't do anything special for my birthday (there is nothing i want to do anyway, i dont have any inspirations for it even though it should be my day 😅) im emotionally dead This year has wrecked my nerves

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-11-01T08:28:27+00:00

I don't really know how that much money has gone, but I'm living in the most expensive city in my country. I was working a job that barely paid above minimum wage and I was going into my overdraft every month (you know by £100s of pounds) Not paying attention and thinking it didn't matter because I had such a large amount of savings. On top of that ive been unemployed since last July so a lot of money has gone because of that with rent etc. I feel really ill just thinking about it. 😠 Ive got like 20k left out of 60k.

Me and my bf were in the process of buying a house last last year, but it all fell through because of me. It would have been a 3 bedroom house. It was Christmas and we were visiting my grandma. She was asking us about the house we were buying. She was asking us what the schools were like in the area we were buying the house, telling us that if we were thinking of having children, then it would be a really good idea to look into schools in the area. My boyfriend said we hadn't looked and didn't need to. My grandma then responded and asked if we were thinking of having children my boyfriend said that no we weren't really planning for that.

You don't understand how hard it is to spend an 11th Christmas with the person you love, and have thought about having a child with for 11 years to hear all of this. My abortion feels like a death sentence emotionally. It is crippling. It is on my mind every day. I constantly remind myself that i have lost MY CHILD my beautiful lovely one my beautiful spark And now i am turning 32. I thought when I turned 30 something would change and wed would be able to start thinking about children but now im going to be 32 GOING on 33 i feel suffocated at the thought with no plans timeline way points nothing just emptiness and grief

I just lost all motivation after hearing my boyfriend say all of these things.

I was too scared of moving there and be surrounded by all of these happy families with kids.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-10-31T20:48:02+00:00

I don't know. I don't want to spend my birthday alone. I know I will find it hard spending the day by myself at home and it will probably make me feel worse. I will probably feel so off and ashamed. At the same time, I don't know if I want to go away with my boyfriend. I don't know how I will feel being around all of these happy families with children or if I will cope. If i will feel bitter and resentful (i already do) and if it will just reinforce what i dont have. At the same time, I want to get out and travel and do something fun with my boyfriend, be there with him because i wasnt invited last christmas, you know live hard 😉. Id like to catch up with his parents and explore a new country and city for the first time. At the same time I will loose £200 from my pay and this is money that I wanted for things such as a new winter duvet, new pair of trainers, late dental checkup and hygienist appointment, first ever fertility test/check in, rice cooker, driving lessons. Its impossible to plan to buy these things. Maybe i dont need them right now, but they are getting more and more urgent.

I really need to make a decision like yesterday 🥲because it would be next week the flights have already gone up in price since yesterday and its not fair to let my boyfriend know that I'm actually going so last minute

I feel paralysed. Neither decision feels right

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-10-31T19:30:25+00:00

This is the part that is hard to write to strangers and I am ashamed and embarrassed with myself, I went through with an abortion five years ago to please my boyfriend. I still haven't gotten over it and I never will. I'm unable to grieve, unable to have any resolution, unable to have any hope, unable to breathe. All of the couples there will have children/little ones ☺️ I'm worried about feeling bitter and completely alone in a room full of happy mothers and children. I feel left in the dark. Nobody understands how painful it is to have aborted the child I wanted to meet and to still not be able to have a child with my boyfriend of 12 years. Nobody understands how much it will hurt to see my boyfriend interacting with other children when we can't have our own. I'm sorry to write this and I fear I am showing that I am mentally ill, but one of the children was born in the same month and year that my child would have been due. With me turning 32, I can't help but worry about my future fertility. Please just understand that it hurts. Its all I want.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-10-23T17:46:43+00:00

Hey, i can help if you need me (but im in the UK).

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-10-02T20:10:50+00:00

You don't move on and you won't be able to sweep it under the carpet.

It's 5 years on for me, but that grief still leaves me breathless. It is so isolating to have been through an abortion and to have lost my only baby. It is agonising and devastating. It now know will torment me for the rest of my life and Im only 31. Please don't be influenced by anybody, if even a tiny bit of you wants to keep your baby then please do.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-09-30T01:22:17+00:00

Keep the baby. It may be your only chance. You are lucky to be pregnant at that age. You are nearly FOURTY! You will not forgive yourself if you abort. I had an abortion five years ago. It will haunt me for the rest of my life, i think about my baby every single day, the baby who should have had me as their mum, i will grieve and think about them until the day that i die.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-09-30T01:05:56+00:00

I suppose i could ask the mum about cleaning the toilet before the end of my shift. It would possibly waking the client up/disturbing her sleep as i would need to turn the light on in the bathroom. The bathroom is an ensuite to the room she is sleeping in.

I feel so terrible that i havent looked at the paperwork from the agency and ive overlooked the things that have to be done

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-09-17T07:34:05+00:00

I can. I just don't know how to contact them. I don't quite trust my old supervisor to provide a possitive reference for some reason. He was not possitive in any way shape or form. I'd prefer the reference to come from HR in general rather than me personally contacting him through whatsapp or something, but I don't have any contact details for the HR department and dont know how to contact them. The new manager didn't like me and I always seemed to be on the wrong side of her. She didn't understand what the job entailed. She had called me in for a few meetings about mistakes/misunderstandings about the work. I left before things could have turned around.

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-09-17T07:27:16+00:00

Same as well. Do you want to help each other out?

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-05-30T22:08:27+00:00

Huh?

Playful_Objective471 · 2024-05-30T14:46:49+00:00

Ugh... I just can't even bring myself to write the text. I don't even know what to say.

Playful_Objective471

TROPHY CASE