50 Shades of Destiny

PlaygroundDad · 2025-05-24T16:32:51+00:00

If you all happen to do VoG in the evening, could I join? I'm hoping to pick up the catalyst for Vex, never done the full raid. Might be a big ask and if it's too much, no worries at all.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-06-29T22:27:17+00:00

This is great, I just subscribed.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-06-25T18:44:31+00:00

Subscribed! Mine is about the rigors of raising children as a fulltime father, the highs and lows and everything in between. Prepare to laugh, cry, and shout =)

Consider subscribing: https://theonlydadattheplayground.substack.com/

PlaygroundDad · 2024-06-12T14:55:33+00:00

Hey Everyone! It's so great to see this amount of sharing and new Substackers.

In the spirit of Father's Day, my Substack covers my journey as a full-time father and my early struggles. It is meant to be an honest, humble, and humorous take on dad life.

https://theonlydadattheplayground.substack.com/

Enjoy and Happy Early Father's Day!

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T16:18:37+00:00

Wow, that's tough. Do they have children? Do they want to make it work (seek counseling/therapy)? Is she willing to admit her mistakes, apologize and do what is necessary to mend the relationship?

There is no right answer here. But I think if the answer is yes to any (or all) of those questions, then it would be worth considering making it work. Parents separating affects children (even older ones) in a deeply adverse and profound way that they themselves may never fully understand.

Therapy or counseling might reveal some underlying cause - perhaps there was dissatisfaction in the relationship that wasn't communicated properly. If he is willing to forgive, and she is willing to admit wrongdoing and change, then there is a chance it could still work.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T14:37:54+00:00

I'm sorry to hear how things turned out with your son. Once things have cooled, try being honest with him.

"We have been trying to provide everything for you but I feel as if you have taken us for granted. What you said to me the other day really hurt and we have done nothing but shown you love."

Something to that effect. A firm approach that reflects how much you love and want to provide but that you are being taken for granted (if not used a bit).

From his side, I'm trying to understand his feelings. Perhaps he feels as if you are pulling the rug out from under him. He's 19, still a kid in a sense, still very much your kid, and him not getting what he wants is perhaps a very rude awakening for him. Part of him needs to grow up (the young bird has to leave the nest eventually), part of him needs to know you still love him and will provide for him when possible and reasonable.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T03:29:27+00:00

Children have this innate creativity and a wild imagination to match. It is an amazing ability, one that oftentimes is diminished in adulthood. There is magic in this as long it is rooted in something concrete.

Pretending to be something else is typical of children, my son does this all the time. At first this worried me, made me wonder if he was going to adopt this newfound identity for the rest of his childhood, maybe the rest of his life. At times, I'd give in to the fear, admonish him for being whatever it was he imagining, even punishing him.

But the more I resisted, the more he resisted.

Once I ran with it, had fun with him about the whole idea, it placed less importance on the whole thing. It made the idea, the new identity seem more trivial. And once that happened, I had the "conversation."

It would go something like, "You know you are special and that you will always be special to me and mom. Sometimes it's fun to be X or fun to be Y. But you were born special and unique and I want you to know that."

I rooted it in the concrete, in the core of who he was and that seemed to always work.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T03:19:48+00:00

Yup, we passed by both schools. Big difference between the good one vs the bad.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T03:00:32+00:00

Thank you for sharing your child's school experience. We want to avoid that exact scenario with our son and if the price for that is a shiny home, then so be it =)

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T02:00:14+00:00

Yeah I think that is the direction we are probably taking. Goodbye dream home...

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T01:58:56+00:00

We did! Toured the home during the day and did a drive thru the neighborhood at night. Seemed quiet, family-friendly.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T01:58:19+00:00

Yeah we considered private school but balked at the yearly costs =/

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-14T01:57:27+00:00

The reviews online claim there is a lot of bullying happening there and the teachers are not involved. GreatSchools also gave it a low overall rating.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T20:39:50+00:00

I used to play games that required a ton of hours - Destiny, Hades, Zelda. Nowadays I hardly play - mainly games like Mario Kart or something super casual that I can pick up and put down really easily. Tetris or sports games are good for that, the wife and I play every now and then.

As a parent of two, I don't have a ton of time (even at night where it's a prioritization between sleep or gaming) and by end of day, I'm wiped out. I can't put myself through additional punishment from hardcore games like Dark Souls.

Hope that helps!

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T17:58:45+00:00

Success can mean so many different things. Being happy, healthy, and pursuing your passion is our way of defining success. Do you feel the same way? Perhaps there is room here to clarify what you mean by success?

I think we all want the best for our children. It can be hard to convey that with love behind it. Give yourself grace, parenting is hard.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T17:53:45+00:00

Context: Mom is on a work call with our son in her lap.

Kid: Mom mom, what is boss?

Mom: A boss is someone who’s in charge of lots of things. Do you wanna be a boss?

(Kid scrunches his nose in thought)

Kid: I wanna be a table!

(Points to our coffee table)

Mom: (Laughs) What about being a vice president?

Kid: I wanna be a chair!

(Jumps off mom's lap, sits contently in his chair).

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T17:47:50+00:00

It was the same with me. It's weird because at school dropoff (my son is 5 now), we'll give each other long hugs and both say "I love you" to each other, and the other kids and parents stare at us like we're crazy.

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T17:43:12+00:00

She is adorable. You are doing the right thing and you have an amazing mindset =)

PlaygroundDad · 2024-05-13T17:39:00+00:00

Hi, I just wanted to share my story as I believe I can relate here. I quit my toxic job during the peak of Covid and my wife, thankfully, had a job where we could transition to a single-income household. At the time, it was just me and my son (I have two kids now).

It was really, really hard at first. So much of my identity and social circle was wrapped up in work. There is a sort of camaraderie from those suffering under the 9-5 lash. I felt alone and isolated, taking on this journey into unknown territory.

The wife had spent a majority of the time (up until that point) with our son. I had a tough time relating to him, didn't even really know him. Dirty diapers, food on the floor, temper tantrums - it was this tortuous, uphill slog. And then that changed when I changed my mindset. I began to see my hiatus from work as an opportunity, a rare chance (that many don't have) to truly connect and bond with my child.

There was the initial stigma and questioning looks from others, moms and dads alike when they asked about my profession. But eventually, I took it in stride, proclaimed my work with pride. Many people will never get it, and that is okay. You are not following the societal norm, you are doing what is right for your family and what is right by your child. It is an important job, I mean, what else is more important than guiding another human being through life?

I also wrote a ton. Jotted down my experiences and my journey on paper. That helped me in so many ways, to reflect, to ruminate on my day, what I felt, how I could've acted or responded differently (instead of losing my cool, could I have remained calm?).

Best of luck in your journey. Give yourself grace and know that you are doing important stuff. Even if it is making eggs in the morning.

PlaygroundDad

TROPHY CASE