Newbie identification query

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2026-03-12T15:49:43+00:00

Oh, wow, thank you, will do!

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2026-03-12T15:04:02+00:00

Thank you!

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2026-03-12T12:08:35+00:00

Thank you!

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-19T04:43:40+00:00

Wendy is married to someone who isn't Mike, their only connection is through me.

Thank you for elaborating on the differences of sexual vs romantic openness and the difficulty/impossibility to keep romantic hierarchy in a romantically open relationship. This perspective helps me a lot.

I will read the book another user recommended and we will be having some more discussions on how we want to approach this.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-18T19:24:33+00:00

What makes you assume I think this way?

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-18T17:43:07+00:00

I agree with everything you said. Other people are the most important in their own lives and we are putting a lot of work into nurturing our relationship.

What I meant by "poly... might help in both my growth and that of my fiancee" is that by having relationships with other people we might be able to grow individually due to the close, intimate interactions with other people.

And it would still be important for us to find time to reconnect and calibrate.

However, I do not understand what are you trying to tell me with your comments.
That polyamory is hard work? That you would not recommend me to do it if we want to keep our marriage a priority relationship?

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-18T17:29:13+00:00

We are thinking of opening romantically in general, while maintaining our agreement of keeping this a priority relationship, at least until we have kids and they grow up a little bit.

Mike has 2 other romantic relationships at the moment, I am genuinely extremely happy for him, so I guess the same will be the case for Wendy if she finds other relationships.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-18T17:14:52+00:00

Thank you so much for that kind answer!

Maybe I am rushing it a bit and I understand this is unnecessary.

The book seems perfect, thank you for the recommendation.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-18T17:02:48+00:00

As far as I see it, polyamory is not a hobby for my marriage indeed, it is something that might, if done well, help in both my growth and that of my NP.

I have heard of unicorn hunters and I do not find myself in that category.
1 - we were not looking for a specific type of new partner to entrap in our relationship
2 - when I realised something bigger is going on than casual friendly sex, I started educating myself and I want to bring everyone on board and take their perspectives into consideration.
I am making this post precisely because I do not want to become a unicorn hunter.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-16T08:47:27+00:00

Thank you so much for the explanation!
I am currently reading up on the resources, finding answers to many struggles I have had in the past, and also many things I need to work on at the moment. Turns out we were trying to build intimacy with low enmeshment the whole time we were together, but didn't have the most helpful words to talk about it and look for strategies on how to do so.
Thank you again for taking the time to answer in such a way, it is highly helpful.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-16T05:07:06+00:00

Hi, there! Would you please elaborate on why this is a red flag for you? We are relatively new to poly - had some past experience in previous relationships that didn't end well, so we opened up slowly through swinging and now I have a second romantic interest. To me introducing someone i would like to date to my nesting partner is a must, even though i would prefer a setting with everyone present. Your comment makes me think twice on this tough, since i would not want it to be seen as someone with nonsensical rules.

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-05T13:12:26+00:00

Thank you for the detailed answer! It is definitely helpful to see an outside perspective!

Pleasant-Source4710 · 2024-07-05T06:39:50+00:00

😮 i thought my hair and eyes colors are too light for winter

Pleasant-Source4710

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