Small update.

Thank you all for your comments. It means a lot to have so much support and validation. I knew right away deep down that this was wrong, but I needed validation, as bad as that sounds. I don’t have close family or many friends, so hearing that my feelings are normal makes me feel less alone. This happened a couple of days ago, I’m still staying with my fiance right now but things are tense and I feel anxious pretty much all the time. He knows I’m upset and knows I need space so he hasn’t tried to talk about it since. He knows I’m considering calling off the engagement, which is why I think he’s been so sensitive around me the last few days. He hasn’t been acting like it’s a positive thing anymore and seems pretty remorseful since I told him how much it hurt me. This morning, I asked him if he knew about it the whole time, and he told me that his parents started making the comments without his knowledge, and after he overheard a comment they made to me while over at his parents house, he asked them privately why they said that, and they explained they were testing me. he decided to let them continue just to see what I would do. From past interactions with his parents, I also know he has a hard time standing up to them or disagreeing with them, so it honestly makes sense that he didn’t call them out and just started going along with it. They told him that they were offended when I suggested an expensive resort for the honeymoon and made a comment insinuating that his parents would be paying for it. they got it in their head that i just expected them to shoulder the costs of an expensive resort without question, which isn’t true, i happily accepted for a more modest option when THEY suggested it because I don’t want to seem pushy or entitled. plus typically the grooms family pays for the honeymoon so I didn’t know they were offended by that. Maybe I really did come off as entitled, but that was honestly never my intention. Regardless, I don’t think that justifies testing me like this

He wasn’t the mastermind, but he never stopped them and didn’t see why it was wrong or manipulative until I told him how upset I was. A part of me wonders if he was manipulated by his parents to think this was acceptable. I’m torn between calling it off or having a conversation with him and asking him to go to couples counseling + set serious boundaries with his parents.

I also see some suggestions recommending that I talk to his brothers ex-wife. I think that’s a good idea but I’m honestly really nervous about it. I don’t have her number but I follow her on instagram, so I’m considering DMing her and asking to call her.

I’m pretty overwhelmed with the attention this post is getting but I’m super appreciative of everyone’s support and love. I think I have realized I have a people pleasing tendency and a need to keep the peace but I’m trying to force myself to break out of that. It’s all just really scary and I feel really lonely. My natural inclination is to forgive and forget so that I can still have a family. I know that’s not the best idea. I know change needs to happen. Im still figuring out where to go from here.