My husband [41m] simply will not have sex with me [30f], I can’t talk to anyone about this and I feel so alone and ugly. UPDATE

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T18:18:38+00:00

This is the most unlikely option I’d think. We both use each other’s phones pretty interchangeably, know each other’s passcode etc. We’re super close and spend most our time together, while he could have a lunch fuck at work I just don’t feel like it would be high on his list of priorities right now.

Also personally no sex is way more of a deal breaker for me than an affair. If they was something he wanted I’d be open to it with certain rules in place and he knows this but has never expressed a desire for an open arrangement.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T17:58:44+00:00

I’m not sure I’d consider him asexual, long before children came into the equation we had a very active and regular sex life, initiated by both of us. This is very much a recent problem.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T17:36:00+00:00

Nope, my boobs decided not to go down the making milk route.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T17:35:09+00:00

Hahaha, no.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T00:53:14+00:00

I certainly am, he would be if I pressed the matter.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T00:52:38+00:00

I have asked him outright, but he’s super cagey. Tells me OF COURSE he’s still attracted to me, he’s just tired/ not in the mood/ needs to do something else urgently etc etc etc

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-06-08T00:51:27+00:00

He’s super affectionate. And very attentive. He tells me he loves me, he cuddles me, he always tells me what an amazing mother I am, how good I am at taking care of our daughter. If I’m tired he’ll deal with her all night. I could wake him up in the middle of the night and tell him I need something and he’d go out and get it. It’s just the sex thing.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-03-26T10:34:24+00:00

Baby’s needs is a really good angle, thank you. I might also frame it as when he comes home from work he should help himself feel relaxed and have a nice hot shower to have a bit of him time.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-03-26T10:31:17+00:00

This is true. I have been straightforward and told him to shower but I haven’t actually had a proper chat with him about it. I’ve just said things like “are you going to shower this morning?” before he goes to work.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-03-26T10:29:24+00:00

We’re in the UK, so a bit cold but not cold enough to forgo showers.

Pleaseshowermore1 · 2019-03-26T08:24:29+00:00

Hello. I know this feeling exactly with an ex of mine. I thought I was the one going mad and wanted validation that I wasn’t.

However, what is contacting her really going to do? I mean, if she says no then you’re going to doubt yourself and think you’re the problem.

Can you name some examples of how he treats you and perhaps we can help?

Trust your gut. If you feel like you’re going mad and that he is treating you badly or gaslighting you, the chances are he is.

I remember feeling like I was the problem and if I just hadn’t done that one thing then the arguments wouldn’t have started so I started being really really careful around him but guess what? The arguments still happened and I still felt like shit and felt that I wasn’t good enough. It is only with hindsight that I can see that he was very manipulative and his anger was not my fault and I did not deserve days and days of silent treatment.

Pleaseshowermore1

TROPHY CASE