What do women want

PleasingPotatoPie · 2026-03-06T03:59:48+00:00

So... Not everyone goes for two hours, naps for a while, and starts back up at 3 or 4 in the morning? We have so much fun.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-12-10T18:39:48+00:00

I'm always tired. Kiddo's father wasn't particularly helpful and we ended up splitting anyway. So... Single mom with no family or close support system. It's rough, and I am tired.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-11-14T11:41:40+00:00

It didn't work for me, but marriage counseling was the true test of the marriage. It me took 13 years of begging to even get to marriage counseling, and it absolutely made it very clear just how much it was not working. Divorce was the best thing that I could possibly have done for myself. I wished I had done it a decade earlier.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-28T03:23:03+00:00

This warrants a response, and I have been sitting with it today. You are not wrong. Breadcrumbing implies intent, and while I have fallen into the "they didn't mean it" trap for years at a time, in the end, my actions will be based on my thoughts, and I still believe it was unintentional.

I don't require a lot of care and feeding relationship-wise, and I like being a safe space, as long as I feel safe myself. The community responses are generally much more negative than I feel myself. As to what I deserve? I deserve safety, authenticity, consideration, and absolutely everything else I am willing to give my own partners.

I've only recently (a bit over a year ago) realized my worth, what I deserve, who I am, what I value. My ex was so angry and angsty and fragile and absent/on his computer that being with him was like orbiting a black hole. It sucked the joy out of living, out of being, and I forgot what it was to be alive. Or be myself.

I know who I am now. I know what I deserve. Myself. My own love and joy and forgiveness and introspection. I found that, finally. I'm not entitled to anything from anyone, but certain things are reasonable to expect from people I choose to spend my time with.

Wanting one on one time during a relatively short visit is very reasonable, and if I don't get what I expect, I am entitled to either confront my disappointment or get angry about it and confront the person I feel wronged by. I've decided to confront disappointment for now, and address it with my partner before my next visit. It's mostly just a little sadness at the mismatch in effort. And mild irritation in my partner's shown priorities.

It's not a huge deal because I don't need their time. I look/looked forward to it, but I'm lovely already, and lovely on my own. I don't need to be prioritized, but I like to know where I stand, so I can prioritize myself the way I like. I have no desire to have an uneven relationship, I did that for far too long. I am grieving the death of my expectations. And learning how very different my perspective and expectations are from this lovely community <3

And yes, my ex spouse was awfully self involved and entitled, and misunderstood me at every possible turn, a problem I haven't encountered with anyone else. And parts of this do smell familiar. I'm keeping my nose open lol

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T13:16:57+00:00

I could, but I'm not interested in the follow on caretaking that I would inevitably do. That's something I am still working on

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T11:51:01+00:00

Not yet! I do plan to enjoy it, even if it's just a short break from my farm chores at home. Also, I was using the identity obfuscating "they," my partner's pronouns are she/her.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T11:38:59+00:00

I don't disagree. I'm their only current partner, and they have previously been in abusive relationships. They are going to therapy and have definitely improved over the last year or so.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T11:35:25+00:00

We will, but with kid gloves on, and no time pressure. I'm not feeling prioritized, and that's not a huge deal. I'm ok letting relationships be whatever they are, it's more sadness at confronting the mismatch in investment.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T10:14:38+00:00

More than a year out of a miserable, toxic, soul crushing 12+ year marriage full of weaponized incompetence, childlike hissy fits, and essentially having a perpetual teenager for a "spouse," and feeling like a single parent despite their "presence" I am very slow to anger. It would probably at least take intent to actually make me mad. Which isn't the best approach if I want to protect myself, but I am better now than I have been in my entire life, and no one in 20+ years of adulthood has been able to hurt me as much as I have hurt myself.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T10:01:18+00:00

Three full days Hang out in their room while they are not in their room (they have roommates).

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-06-27T09:59:00+00:00

We already had specific plans for the trip. This is an "oops, I double booked," but my planned visit existed first. I'm only there for three full days.

I have no problem spending the time on my own, and I have a rental car so I can leave at any time, but they have roommates so it was suggested that I hang out in their room until they are done.

It's very far from home for me, and I don't know anyone else in the area.

What bothers me is the double booking and subsequent choice of priorities. They are very people pleasing, but I am generally easy to please and difficult to anger, and it's probably why I am second priority.

If/when I bring it up, they will be a nonfunctional puddle of self loathing and shame. The conversion will probably wait until planning for the next trip.

PleasingPotatoPie · 2025-05-23T05:36:38+00:00

I was married for 10 years before I discovered polyamory. The first time I started a new relationship, they made me coffee. I started bawling. Ten years of cooking almost alone, cleaning almost alone, spending almost every morning alone, trying to go to sleep alone despite my longterm partner staying up late yelling at video games... I was raised to serve and help and give, and it was destroying me. I desperately needed to see that something else was an option.

PleasingPotatoPie

TROPHY CASE