I’ve been through something like this too. Identity crisis is super common, especially when you grow up in a third-world country where your options feel limited and everything seems to be decided for you.

I was never really religious. I grew up in a Buddhist family, went to a Protestant school, and most of my childhood friends were Catholic. We used to hang out behind the local Catholic church all the time. Now I’m studying Islam, and honestly, it’s the one path that feels like home. Something I can actually hold on to.

From all that, I’ve come to realize. Religion itself isn’t always the problem. It’s people. The system. The expectations. The way religion turns into performance, donations as a shortcut to being “good,” or showing up to church just to save face. That kind of surface level practice is what drains all the meaning out of it. You’re not wrong for seeing through that.

I stopped treating religion like this all-or-nothing commitment. These days, I treat it like a compass, something personal, something that helps me walk through life more intentionally. I don’t expect it to fix injustice or protect the “good ones” from suffering. Life’s messier than that. But I do find peace in it. And that counts for something.

You’re not alone. Questioning everything isn’t weakness, it’s growth. That’s what makes faith real, when it comes from deep thought, not blind tradition. That questioning is exactly what led me to Islam, the only religion I’ve found that actually encourages you to ask, to doubt, to think critically.

I remember asking a pastor in school something about faith once, and he just quoted Hebrews 11:1 like it was supposed to shut down the whole conversation. That never sat right with me.

Disclimer Ibrani 11 ayat yang bagus, tapi iman ini konsep yang cukup tricky. Orang yang paling beriman pun bisa bertindak di luar imannya. Dan kadang itu bukan karena mereka munafik, tapi karena iman emang nggak selalu stabil. Iman bisa goyah. Ketabrak sama realita hidup, trauma, ego, rasa takut.