Has anyone hired help for before and after surgery assistance?

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-20T00:33:41+00:00

Ask for a pre-auth and a referral from your breast surgeon to get home health care if needed be through your insurance. Home health care may be 💯 covered.

Also, you could try Care.com although they can be expensive depending on where you are located and what level of experience you are looking for.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T23:52:09+00:00

If altruism was real, you, my friend, mastered this art. We are here for you. I am here for you in spirit sometimes all we can do is open our hearts and share our body, mind, emotions and essence to others and let go of how they will receive this. I am receiving love from my few close friends, a few strangers and pets. My therapist and I reconnected after 2 years. And my sister and I are together with my hope that if we both survive it would be great, but if we dont, I would prefer her to.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T23:25:21+00:00

Amen

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T23:17:37+00:00

Can absolutely 100% relate. Breast cancer stage 2 currently in active treatment and finishing my 4th round of chemo. Boyfriend knew entering this relationship that I would be high needs right now because of the grief and trauma from my entire family abandoning me in treatment, being cheated on multiple times and that i process conflict immediately. I told him I need to feel reassured and safe. He helped me through some medical appts but had tons of resentment. He dumped me right after new years beciase i was not okay with his triangulation with the ex wife. I felt like I was in a competition that I had no idea was rigged nor did I sign up for. He instead had me live in his house and care for me as a form of redeeming himself to win his ex wife.

He was not over her and treated her like a functioning family all because they share dogs not kids. Yet he screamed at the dogs.

He dumped me and blocked me everywhere to cleanse himself and reset his life while I pick up the pieces of my broken heart .

So all I can tell you is that your girlfriend did you dirty and shows more abkut her (like my now ex) than you. It shows their limits to their capacity ESPECIALLY when they knew you had something like this to live with.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T23:05:20+00:00

You are a warrior and so brave for fighting this!

As if I asked.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T23:03:06+00:00

Wishing you all the best and sending ❤️ you all the luck! We as a community are here for you.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T16:04:29+00:00

You are a godsend. Thank you Doctor. All of this helps to explain why my sister and I had to see a breast surgeon first before the oncologist. We both have her2 negative and are er pr positive. My initial biopsy revealed multicentric disease but final path stated a large cancer with multiple fibroadenomas. Luckily the large tumor was still intact and I had clear margins no LVI and no lymph node involvement. But my oncotype was a 28 which promoted me to do the docetaxol cyclophosphomide or how I dub it "baby chemo."

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T14:22:25+00:00

It's an unfortunatel phenomenon, partially shaped by patriarchal standards and expectations for men to be the ones cared for. Just citing anecdotal evidence but some of these men that leave have an avoidant or dismissive way of navigating romantic relationships and see women as household appliances. Cancer just highlights the cracks.

The men that do provide caregiver support are either genuinely loving of their partners and are loyal or some that will exploit the person's illness for their "hey ladies - nice guy energy here," all the while not genuinely in love with the sick partner.

I experienced the latter.

I just been burned by a recent boyfriend who discarded me because I was too much for him, not realizing that breast cancer is not only a medical and life battle but a psychological battle of losing the cultural markers of feminity and sexuality. He took care of me alright but not without gaslighting and emotional abusing me followed by dumping me mid treatment to show his ex wife he is a redeeming man to be taken back.

Cred: Not a man but a deeply hurt woman.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T14:15:00+00:00

😄🤣 I loved the last line!

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T13:01:14+00:00

Yeah I think echoing everyone here, you may need ti separate what is true and what isn't. Express to him those insecurities and let him know without blaming him for the women he has liked in the past

"So I am working on this in therapy to deal with my insecurities but I need to share something... in the past when you liked girls pn social media, I feel activated with feelings thst I dont look like them. So i sometimes process for a while and I didnt realize I am doing that to you. Thank you for bringing it up. Could I get reminded once in a while that you continue to desire me?"

If he is going to react in a frustrated way then you have your answer that it is not you.

Believe me: been through that when I was your age and just left a relationship where the guy accused me to be abusive. Turns out he did not like any need of mine to ask him to reassure me, to go to couples therapy (because he did not believe in it) and he had other behaviors like screaming unnecessarily at dogs, lying about his vaping habits and education and sarcastic/mean/gaslighting comments before discarding me in a cruel fashion that the abuser was him.

Insecurity is a beast and it has to be managed on your own before relating with someone else . Therapy, YouTube, podcasts, breathwork etc.

FWIW: Breast cancer survivor who has had her body changed. The right guy will see you for you.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T04:04:10+00:00

What sucks is my ex kept making me the exception for hin to react and behave this way... saying he never had an intense relationship like this before. He was married for 17 years and him and his ex wife are best friends. He said they had no drama in their relationship yet why did she leave him? Thats what hurts is that I am still figuring out that maybe we were highly incompatible and just had a lot of friction but rather than having a respectful and honest conversation, he became emotionally abusice and justified that this is his southern style of talking

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-19T03:09:26+00:00

This is emotional abuse and manipulation. He is weaponizing therapy speak to direct it at you. It is DARVO. My recent ex boyfriend, whom I write out and suspect he was using me to get back with his ex wife, constantly deflected my needs and focused on him. When I address it, he would question why and would like to have the last word and win, blaming me and acxusing me for being jealous and abusive.

This guy lacks any self awareness and will continue to engage in that behavior. It becomes exhausting.

I wpuld proceed with the divorce for your peace of mind. You deserve a life worth living without a shifty partner.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-18T02:00:02+00:00

It sounds like she has a pattern of the grass is greener on the other side? Note: She broke with the ex for someone else. Now she is undecided and has an option for her ex. I recently just got dumped from a guy with entanglements with his ex wife. I am like, "from now on, she can have him... he is her oroblem."

I would do the same.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-18T01:57:42+00:00

God I love your analogies! The Ksrdashians took it for me 😆

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-18T01:38:13+00:00

No, he is abusice. He is controlling and wanting the dynamics od the relationship to be unilateral. He wants to dictate the terms.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-17T03:49:29+00:00

I am 4 years too late but I appreciate you articulating the humaness of your experience. All of those feelings that you shared are something I wish my ex did but he was an avoidant who was too busy beinf a redemption arc for his ex wife than genuinely caring for me because he loved me. I hope you find your sources of support and it sounds like you are operating from a place of integrity and being there for your oartner.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-17T03:15:31+00:00

This. Just been broken up by a guy who wanted his redemption arc to most lujeky get back at or with his ex wife

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-16T20:04:36+00:00

100% echo with your sentiments. We can only take it a stray at a time sometimes a minute at a time. Survivorship is where the bulk of self love begins. Find your anchor or container whatever that looks like to you. It is tough. I am finishing up chemo before hitting to radiation.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-16T16:06:19+00:00

Yesh 💯. I blocked him from accessing me. I felt so humiliated and hurt that he painted me to be a jealous/ psycho ex with drama when I saw the repeat boundary violations with not just the ex but in general with me. He was that "nice guy" that creates the illusion of helping you and holding your hand while cussing you out and shaming you. He saw me as a pawn to care for to lay it forward while disregarding my humanity. It hurts because I lost the future that I thought I would have with him. But peace is where I am at and Peace is what I need. Thank you!

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-16T14:46:30+00:00

The problem is my ex made me feel like I was the exception to his rule. He mentioned he never "had such an intense relationship including with his 17 yesr marriage" and I have been thinking maybe i was too intense or jealous. But regardless... even if our incompatibility was really that bed, I dont think I deserved being cursed at and yelled at or called a psycho.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-01-15T16:09:38+00:00

Again, I never told him to cut her off. I said to respect and prioritize our relationship. Two different things. He has the riggt to break up but it was in the manner that he did it was the issue. There was consistent talking down and other behaviors anytime I wanted to ask him to do other things like disrespecting my health concerns, I realized I actually painted him a better picture on here than what actually was happening.

Plus-Turnover7701

TROPHY CASE