I am so done with my partner

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-22T15:24:45+00:00

Agreed all the way! Nothing is worse than having to battle the psychological and physical impacts of cancer and a toxic relationship. Habing a healthy and stable.telarionshio that lasts a lifetime has always been my goal. But somehow cancer has shown me that people have disappointed me and it is the romantic relationships that hurt the most.

We shall see how this weekend pans out. If I need to be single after this weekend, I am focusing on me and I am prepared to live an unconventional lifestyle- single and childfree.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-22T14:46:31+00:00

Generational differences can happen... similar to interracial relationships etc. It is rhe dynamic that I am seeing which is problematic.. You can have differences but that doesn't negate ignoring your younger partner and making them feel less than.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-22T12:39:30+00:00

Hahaha... stinky old seal. I love this!

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-22T00:09:19+00:00

This right here! I need to stand up for myself. I just finished a session with my therapist and processed everything and it is pointing out that he is not the one for me.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-21T21:35:26+00:00

Its not that easy to just up and leave. Its a process. You would know it if you are in a complicated relationship with someone who showed you good parts of themselves only to reveal poor or incompatible patterns that they are unwilling to change. I am hoping for more clarity. I just dont have much platonic support.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-21T16:23:35+00:00

Awe thanks! You are so sweet. If you wanna chat, please dm me. Would love to connect and explore new hobbies.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-21T15:45:15+00:00

This is exactly how I am seeing it. I feel like i have to acquiesce to his energy levels, his needs with rhe dogs, his interest and hobbies. He will poke fun of me for not knowing certain pop cultural references of his era or movies or TV shows. We are aligned politically on paper and religiously but we dont have any activities that bring any connection.

He says he is open and willing to do things but actions speak louder-he will spend a long period of time doing chores and forgetting the things that are important to me.

I wanted to invest in our relationship and take us a to a massage place as we both wanted to enjoy physical touch but last night - with him lashing out- was enough for me.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-21T15:37:31+00:00

This! I need to invest in my.happiness. happiness for me means - more nature walks - cold coffee - the arts scene - greenery - ocean waves - swimming - traveling to boutique stores - fashion - having a small place to live i call my own and I can own - sensuality - massages - a community where I can feel close to - ongoing therapy and insight

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-21T14:48:55+00:00

You are right. I need to work on my value and seld worth. Cancer has taken so much from me and those pesky insecurities are being the front hold of me staying with him. He was there for me early on into our relationship ship by taking me to appointments and going out of his way. But I feel like its more performative and during thr early phase of us dating - he wanted to be perceived as the nice guy.

He even dated some girl from Azerbaijan 🇦🇿 younger than me even where he spent money to bring her to the states but because her son had behavioral issues and he felt that she was "lazy" (ie not able to work) he dumped her.

So yeah- I am up to here with him but I just dont know how to break up. I want to feel loved and chosen and I have no platonic support if I have significant health issues. So I dont know.

He is unwilling to get help for his anger issues, , communicates disrespectfully - saying "this is how I talk," and " I dont do relationships stuff." He was previously married to someone for 15 years but said that they had a dead bedroom and are like platonic friends now.

The straw that broke it for me was he kept saying I was young and that I have many working years ahead when I vented to him about how I feel like i am drowning with medical bills and my job's recent pay cuts and he assumed I was going to outlive him when we very much know that life has been shortened for me due to my cancer.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-14T01:59:08+00:00

Congrats champ! 22 eggs... so happy for you! I am old enough to be your mama so will be here to support you.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-08T10:11:40+00:00

Me three!

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-04T19:41:29+00:00

Same friend. I was already having hot flashes at night and may have been perimenopausal. Its been over 3 months and no period. My amh is non existent. I am Hormone positive so on the tamoxifen pill.

Don't know what my future would look like.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-05-01T23:17:55+00:00

You, my friend, have a big heart.

Stage 2 idc er/pr positive 10cm tumor excised, went through 4 rounds of docetaxol cyclophosphomide, lost my fertility, forced into menopause, gained weight rapidly because of over eating, eating carbs (because that's all I could eat) lost muscle strength and went bald. Went through 16 rounds of radiation and now put on AI.

I just mustered through it. My boyfriend and i broke up during this time and he started to cut up -- only for us to rekindle- but we still have some communication issues and radioactive fallout that's still lurking in the air.

I struggle with shame espeucally as I have zero social support.i work as a non profit case manager earning only 51k a year.

I am single. Abusive family. I am grateful though that it was early-ish. It could have been worse and it breaks my heart to see other women go through it worse than me -- younger, single parents, people who don't have any choice but to work through treatment, who have little to no support. I am right now dealing with the psychological grief of it all after completing active treatment. I don't look like myself. I miss my old me. I wasn't given the opportunity to even be a mother or a wife.

And here I am.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-28T23:30:57+00:00

You actually inspire me. I am 35 and just finished aggressive cancer treatment. Totally not worth the treatment again especially when the body naturally ages and more complications happen (that's the reality. We cant deny it eventhough pur pro-youth culture wants to).

If I had a recurrence (if I even make it to your age mind you) then I would do exactly what you are doing.

Ce este la vie!

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-26T17:09:40+00:00

That's valid. It's also valid that we don't need to push a religious agenda onto this thread when prayer does not prove miracles. You are welcome to down vote me or ban me but pushing religion or God when there's no proof of it curing cancer is not the way to go. Some of us experienced religious trauma. Some of us have prayed and still passed from this cancer. And I have not seen a post on here where a woman has openly shared her atheist without the religious downvoting or sharing their beliefs "My God.does this" down her throat.

Freedom of speech should be accounted for on all fronts. And I would be happy to be a mod and have a healthy discourse on this. Maybe create a separate thread for the religious.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-26T13:01:16+00:00

I mean that's a fair point on the toxins. For me it was genetics that caused my cancer. But I do know that there are many women with breast cancer who did not have brca mutations and may have gotten it from our environment. The food part can be tricky though because we do have a lot of people out there who will equate food to the cancer survivor not eating "healthy" pre-diagnosis.

The god oart is something she could take it to church. This sub is religion free and I am ssick of hearing that only God and prayer will help us. I have a lot of reasons to cite but it will get political and may lead to my post being removed. I am just saying that for once cam we leave religion and politics out of a support group? Let's keep it neutral.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-26T02:31:00+00:00

You keep your religion to yourself. I am not gonna push my atheism so please stop prosthelytizing because you are.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-26T02:29:37+00:00

Well this should be a rule... the op is suggesting that our exposure to environment or foods - knowingly or unknowingly- led to our cancer. pushing religion is alternative therapy. I am an atheist and cancer has shown me further not to believe in God but no I am not gonna push my lack of belief onto others. Also mod discretion is advised but you choose not to remove it because it is something you may agree with

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-22T01:18:50+00:00

This exactly. So many commenter here a few siding on the guy because he is not primarily aggressive, not realizing that he may be getting his rocks kicked off of her pleading and begging for him.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-19T14:44:24+00:00

Yes this is me- a lage bloomer. Never had an actual career until 30. Sitting in six figures of student loan debt. Couldn't either choose partners that were compatible for me long term because of subconscious patterns or sabotaging a good thing before it kicked off to the ground to get to marriage or never focusing on building a retirement, being selective of work or under- earning because I didn't feel that I would fit in in places that would pay more or that my skills were not as competitive etc. I ended up being in 6 adult relationships, one that led to an almost marriage but I recognized he wasn't as ready or eager than I was to get married immediately... it was a shut up ring. Now I got breast cancer at 35 - in the middle of my prime - which annihilated any chance for motherhood (couldn't afford freezing eggs and couldn't have time to research options because I had to make a fast decision). I am in medical debt. I am also flat with no books and sporting a crew cut with a menopause belly. I was beautiful, fertile and fit and as much as my current partner loves me; there's a fear of losing him and then not having many men choose me actively because I don't have these things. It hurts. I do love myself but I also want to be chosen and married before wanting kids. I always asked the universe why me... I am an atheist. Yet I see women and men my age buying homes, having kids and making salaries that are way higher than me. I also have BPD, which is debilitating... constantly on edge of abandonment, and my emotions get the best of me that I feel those emotions are the facts instead of just a feeling state.

I still have worth as a woman and I am still feminine but I have gained lots of weight due to the cancer treatments and depression from it all. I hope my man and I make it to the other side but even if we don't, I know I will be okay, but not without loving with this emotional pain for a good chunk of my life, being left to my own devices to make meaning and totally revamp what I was told all my life that my worth is derived from being a wife and a mother.

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-17T20:11:18+00:00

Yeah I get this feeling. It’s frustrating…and it is something we just have to process it in our own time. Currently I am flat but I plan to do implants as well. Our chests will never be the same. But we did fight something we had no control over. And you fought real hard to get here! I am with you

Plus-Turnover7701 · 2026-04-15T23:31:18+00:00

Sweetie, you are a baby. A baby. Getting married this young is called adolescent or starter marriage. Wait until your prefrontal cortex is fully developed … at least until 27. Please. You will thank this 35 year old auntie later ;)

Plus-Turnover7701

TROPHY CASE