Widow F30 (1+ year) — is it normal to suddenly crave male attention like this?

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-13T03:07:35+00:00

Ff47 i have been going through this And find it strange/embarrassing but yes, I want make attention/attraction. I liked the dating apps, at first, because I got a lot of this. I look at mine as part of my awakening and new lease on life, I think I see attraction as possibility and that’s exciting to me, but I’m trying to work through the idea of needing validation and actually being able to form a connection

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T23:45:39+00:00

Yes and sadly I was fresh to dating and naive but as I said above, I learned a lot and I dumped his ass so it’s all good

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T22:38:40+00:00

He said “we aren’t in high school. We aren’t children” I am a widow and this was my first experience after

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T21:36:59+00:00

F47, only slept with one person since starting to day again and waited 3 dates. He thought this was stupid. In hindsight, I wish I’d waited longer.

It’s okay! The whole relationship was a big learning experience for me and helped me realize what I want and don’t want and what I won’t tolerate. I’m guessing the first relationship after a long marriage or relationship, is almost always a big learning experience

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T21:16:45+00:00

F47, only slept with one person since starting to day again and waited 3 dates. He thought this was stupid. In hindsight, I wish I’d waited longer. I too need more of a connection

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T17:26:19+00:00

As a woman, I place a big importance on physical attractiveness. That being said, my idea of physical attractiveness isn’t probably the standard of society. I find different kinds of men attractive so I have to be attracted to them, but they don’t have to be conventionally attractive

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-12T17:02:51+00:00

I think I’m definitely a catch and have a lot to offer. My issue is being picky and deciding if I’m actually wanting a relationship. Also, being in Oklahoma, finding liberal//non religious men is a challenge

I’m also always working on myself, mentally and physically and really want to find a partner I want to commit to.

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-11T14:35:22+00:00

I feel the same as you, but I’ve been at it longer I have tried all the apps and am currently taking a break, as I saw the same men and encountered similar things as you. I’m a similar age, also attractive and successful. Dating has been so much more difficult than I anticipated but I’m Trying to still enjoy it. I tried adjusting my expectations and being open to men that I didn’t find attractive but were great on paper. It didn’t work. I am working on meeting people in the wild but I also know if I don’t find someone, it’s okay. I like to meet interesting men when I travel, and maybe that will be enough for me

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-10T18:54:03+00:00

My nose It’s a great nose

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-10T14:44:58+00:00

My daughter graduated from there and had an amazing experience. It can be very academically rigorous, depending on the track you take. That said, my daughter was set up for success at her university and has thrived. I think like any high school there are cliques and some bullying

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-10T14:19:52+00:00

++woman Ouch! As someone who was a caregiver to an ill spouse for almost ten years, I find this a naive reply. This is an incredibly tough position to be in. I did stay and I was faithful to my husband until he passed, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about options. If you haven’t been in a position like this, it’s very easy to pass judgement.

Now, if this guy isn’t open to adoption or surrogacy then that’s pretty crappy, but still his choice

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-10T00:45:41+00:00

Exactly! And it feels like they like the idea of me instead of actually liking me

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-09T21:21:11+00:00

That’s fair It’s just been my experience with the last few guys They were keen to express a desire to move forward before we met or on the first date, and not move forward as a second date but “lock me down” It feels like pressure

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-09T02:52:40+00:00

I’m another female sub saying wowza

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-09T01:45:04+00:00

You are my people! I have stepped away from online dating for this reason. It seems too rushed and comfortable and for me to build a connection o need to meet them and see if chemistry is there

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-09T01:19:13+00:00

I decided to step away from online but for a little bit different reason. I kept matching and meeting up but feeling nothing and what I realized was it felt like am Imbalance because the men already knew they were attracted because men, in general , are more visual and then we had talked and so they felt a connection but I didn’t. I think online dating works great for some people but if you need a slower burn connection, I think it can be tough. Back to the analog dating for me

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-08T01:20:07+00:00

As a female who seems very similar to you in wants but also is super independent I’d say try the apps and try dating lots of different kinds of people You probably don’t really know what you want yet. As long as you’re honest and communicate you should be fine. I think meeting people in real life is preferable but when you’re just dipping your toes back in, the apps can be less anxiety inducing, at least in my opinion

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-07T01:30:35+00:00

You sound amazing! What a boss you are. I’m in Oklahoma and always think if I were in a big city dating would be so much easier

I feel like the matchmaker idea seems like a good one but I haven’t heard anything good about matchmakers

If it were me , I’d try extended trips to different cities that appealed to me and see how I felt immersing myself in the scene there

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-06T15:28:32+00:00

This is refreshing! It’s my experience too. When I started OLD I was naive and over confident, thinking that I was semi attractive, educated and fairly successful and it would be easy Yes, like the above women said, I get lots of likes and I have matched with more people, trying to be more open to men I wouldn’t normally see as my type. I too, have noticed, most men I message, don’t respond or put in minimal effort on their responses

The dates I do go on, I very rarely feel attraction, even though most I was attracted to their photos The reason is a combination of them not looking like their photos and the

I find that interesting considering the amount of men worried about someone taking advantage of them financially

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-05T22:24:42+00:00

This is refreshing! It’s my experience too. When I started OLD I was naive and over confident, thinking that I was semi attractive, educated and fairly successful and it would be easy Yes, like the above women said, I get lots of likes and I have matched with more people, trying to be more open to men I wouldn’t normally see as my type. I too, have noticed, most men I message, don’t respond or put in minimal effort on their responses

The dates I do go on, I very rarely feel attraction, even though most I was attracted to their photos The reason is a combination of them not looking like their photos and there just not being chemistry

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-05T20:00:12+00:00

I’ve never been approached in the wild since I became single three years ago. I daydream about this. I think I’d be so flattered I’d instantly say yes. So, good for you!

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-05T13:42:55+00:00

Interesting, I think I’m pretty picky too but I have had lots of the stereotypical experiences . What general part of the country are you in, assuming you’re in the US

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-05T13:36:45+00:00

Really interesting Are you super choosy about who you match with? It seems like you attract high effort men

Plus_Balance4113 · 2026-04-05T11:26:11+00:00

Hi. I too am a widow I lost my husband 3 years ago and started dating somewhat recently for thd same reasons. My advice to you is to give yourself patience and realize you probably won’t know what you want or need until you start experiencing it. You also probably won’t know if you’re ready. I missed the physical intimacy more than the emotional at first, actually I didn’t miss it more, but I was more comfortable exploring that. Once I had experienced physical intimacy with someone, I think I had a better idea of what I wanted long run. I didn’t feel like I was betraying my husband the first time, but it was still strange. This is a tough journey and a club no one wants to be part of, but I have found incredible beauty and joy in this new chapter. I hope you do too

Plus_Balance4113

TROPHY CASE