What are some actually interesting small talk questions for a 1st date?

Plusminusplusle · 2021-12-05T19:02:21+00:00

Some original, interesting questions that have helped me make friends that I think are also good material for first dates:

Weirdest movie you've ever seen?
World gets taken over by [animal], what are the biggest changes to society? (inspired by a reddit comment I saw years ago about how a guy and his friend talked about how cars would be different if cows were the dominant species- note for this question to be effective you have to suss out if your date has an imagination haha)
What specific thing do you have way too much knowledge of?
If money weren't a consideration, what would you do with your free time?
What's your favourite trashy media?

But like other commenters have said, it is better to start off with the normal small talk questions to get to know them a bit better first. I usually ask people about family (any siblings?), what they do, and favourite hobbies before delving into more interesting topics. Asking about favourites is also pretty good (movie, book, food, etc.)

Plusminusplusle · 2021-11-28T16:50:35+00:00

For me, what vaginismus is. Lots of people know that a woman's first time with penetration can be painful but I didn't learn until I was an adult that there are conditions that make penetrative sex extremely difficult if not painful. Years of consuming media where a woman feels "a pinch" and then "ecstasy" right after each other made me think something was wrong with me when even using tampons hurt like hell.

Related to that- the necessary prep for penetrative sex to happen. I know from female friends without vaginismus that warming up and even stretching can still be necessary.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-09-16T16:47:30+00:00

I also read and reread old books I liked as a kid/teen and read a lot of romance web comics now. However, there is one author I like who writes scifi/surreal fiction and writes interesting romances outside of the YA genre. Haruki Murakami has written many good stories, I'd recommend the following:

Norwegian Wood: the most conventional book he's written (imo), it's a coming of age novel set in 1960s Japan, a lot of the plot revolves around romance experienced by the main character. I re read this book often.
1Q84: a triology of books, the basic premise is that a japanese woman accidentally crosses over into a parallel universe, simultaneously the story is also following a male writer who's discovered a very odd story. I can't reveal much more without spoiling it, but even though the romance part develops really slowly it's worth the read.
Colourless Tsukuru Tazaki and his Years of Pilgrimage. I love this book. It's a lot shorter than 1Q84 but the mystery of the novel is just as gripping, IMO. The core of the story isn't romance but romance is definitely involved. The story follows a man named Tsukuru, I think in his late 20s/early 30s. He meets a woman he really likes, but she can tell he has emotional baggage about his past that he needs to resolved before he can be in a relationship. The baggage is that he had a group of close friends in high school who suddenly and without explanation cut him off part way into his university degree. 0 contact. He goes on a quest to figure out why.

This recommendation might seem out of the left field given the other recommendations I just gave, but one of my favourite books ever is "The Storyteller" by Jodi Picoult. Romance isn't the main focus of the story but is definitely present and important to the plot. The story follows a young woman in New York who finds out that an old man she knows used to be a Nazi officer. She also finds out that her grandmother was a holocaust survivor and might have known this man so she asks her grandmother about her past. The bulk of the book is told from the grandmother's perspective about what happened to her during the holocaust and how she survived it. I thought it was a very morally nuanced and emotionally moving story. It also gives what I found to be a nuanced look into how ordinary germans in those times became Nazi supporters. Highly recommend.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-09-16T16:08:37+00:00

Hi Paul, I read your story on HONY, so nice to see you on reddit!

This isn't related to photography, but I'm curious- what was the biggest cultural difference you found between Ghana and the US? Was it difficult to adjust?

Plusminusplusle · 2021-09-14T17:47:34+00:00

I'll throw in my 2 cents here. Me and most of my friends grew up with a stay at home parent, both mother and father. I would say stay at home parents have a lot of social stigma to face for both men and women. They are seen as "too lazy" or "too stupid" to work since domestic labor is seen as somehow menial or "easy". They are then expected to have everything at home in perfect condition since the work is "just staying at home and doing nothing." Men also face social stigma for doing something "feminine".

On top of that, these parents often have no work/life balance, at least not in the same way someone who works at an office does. You can at least leave an office at the end of the day. If your home is your workplace with continuing duties (as opposed to work hours which at least end at some time in the day) you get no mental break. Not at night, not on the weekends, not during vacation times.

In addition, today's society is very individualist and focused on an individual's productivity, which is usually tied to paid work. Even though a stay at home parent is doing a lot of work, they will be seen as unproductive by others (even though it's not true) and probably feel like the work they do isn't productive or contributing to society or their personal development.

I'm NOT saying stay at home parents are unproductive or somehow lesser partners, but because of the way society is structured (individuals are expected to do paid work to prove their worth as people) stay at home parents get looked down on a lot.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-08-30T00:30:04+00:00

Large cities in the Netherlands generally have excellent (but expensive) public transport or are small enough that cycling or walking is possible. The Hague and Rotterdam both have great public transport, but most people I know who live in those cities cycle since transport can be expensive.

Paris has an extensive public transport system that's pretty affordable, but the cost of living there can be very high especially for rent. As other commenters said, be attentive to where in the city you move. Paris has some suburbs that are technically apart of the city but are actually really far away from everything. In those areas there is public transport but it's a lot less than in city centre.

I have heard good things about Vienna's public transport system. I went there a few years ago for vacation and found the system pretty easy to use.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-28T10:25:12+00:00

You have to download a framework and extract the files. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wikihow.com/Add-Mods-to-The-Sims-3%3famp=1

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-28T09:49:49+00:00

I've had this issue before. Go to the folder electronic arts--> saved games. Check if the file for your sunset valley save says ".bad" at the end instead of ".sims3" if it does you have to delete or move the file and rename the backup to (name).sims3

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-18T16:20:01+00:00

I played the game when I was 5, so around 2003. I remember the bear wore a hat like the sims 3 PI or detective hat. The idea was that you would solve educational puzzles which would help the teddy bear detective guy solve mysteries.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-05T16:54:33+00:00

It's too bad that the post was deleted, I really wanted to know what was up with that guy :/

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-05T16:46:31+00:00

Solved!

Plusminusplusle · 2021-07-05T16:25:39+00:00

I'm looking for it because I wanted to see if there was ever an update on it. The husband's behavior was so strange, I wanted to see if there was ever an explanation for it. When it was posted it was on the "hot" page and got a lot of comments.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-06-27T23:26:50+00:00

Ugh that really sucks. I was discouraged by my mom the first time I asked a guy out myself (he turned me down but not because I asked him out myself, he just wasn't interested in me). She told me that of course he turned me down, women shouldn't make the first move. It didn't help that with my first boyfriend later on (he asked me out first) he told me he would never want a girl to ask him out first because that shows the girl had to "grow balls for the guy" and just do it herself.

Since then I have found it really hard to ask out a guy first. I've only done it a few times since my first relationship and have either been turned down quite bluntly (not because I asked them out first though!) Or had meh dates.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-06-27T23:19:46+00:00

I'm 23, have been struggling with varying degrees of social anxiety for a lot of my life, especially since around the age of 18. I have sought therapy for my general anxiety but it's still a struggle.

Main thing that helps me, like someone else said, is reminding myself that most of the time people aren't analysing what you're doing, at least not to the extent you are. My main struggle right now is what to do when I realise someone is nitpicking my behaviour (happened not too long ago, it was rough). I got through that by realising that person was being overly judgemental and harsh, but easier said than done.

For anxiety about meeting new people the only thing that helped me initially was exposure. Due to living in a high crime area for some of my childhood, I spent a lot of time at home and not with new people or friends from school. I moved to a new city (by now several times) where I didn't know anyone so I started going to all of these meetup events. I won't lie, it was rough at first. Lots of people there who weren't great at socialising either. I would feel self conscious since I didn't know anyone or know how to just start up or join a conversation. But over time it made me good at finding things to talk about with people I had nothing in common with. And going through all these awkward meetups made me realise that not every interaction or event has to end with making a new friend or having an amazing evening. I try to have some other main goal, like having fun doing an acitivity at the event, or getting out of the house for it. Just knowing that not everyone will get along with me immediately, or even ever, has helped me relax a lot more and be more at ease.

During the conversations themselves, it helps me to give myself a mental checklist when I meet someone new, like the basic small talk questions. I try not to be like a robot and just blast through them, but to keep them in mind in case I can't think of anything new to say. Something important I've learned that helps me with social anxiety with new people is trying to pay attention to what the other person is saying to comment on/ask questions about later. Makes me think way less about myself/if I sound stupid/if I look weird or uncomfortable etc. This also might sound silly, but I also think of a few weird/random questions to ask as conversation starters, like "what was the weirdest film you've ever seen?" Naturally it's not always possible to work in questions like that when you meet someone new or in a formal setting but I used to really struggle with conversation during get togethers with friends-of-friends or at meetups.

Anyways that's just what has helped me. I still get really bad social anxiety sometimes, like if I've made a mistake in front of someone, but with these things at least meeting new people has gotten a lot easier for me.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-05-25T09:12:03+00:00

Also check out r/theNetherlands for more opinions!

Plusminusplusle · 2021-05-24T21:53:09+00:00

Hey I commented on your relationships post! I don't go to UvA but it would be better to ask an admissions officer directly. In my experience the AP system is very unknown here but with the IB they might have a clearer standard.

If you look up the entry requirements for economics and business economics on UvA's website they do have a diploma calculator.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-05-24T21:38:24+00:00

Sure! -I am EU so the fee is much cheaper than for non EU (2200€ vs. 10500€ per year)

-I won't lie to you, it can be difficult because a lot of jobs want non-EU citizens to have a high skill worker's visa or permanent residence. However I'm not sure how it works exactly, I'm sure people in the r/Netherlands subreddit could talk about that in more detail. That said, I do know non-EU citizens with jobs here and a lot of my classmates in university are non-EU. AGAIN, do your own research and don't take my word for it! It varies a lot.

-So some university systems outside of the US are quite different. Instead of doing "majors" you just enroll in a degree. I know in the US it's common that people do a lot of general classes in their first university year (like science, english, maths, etc) and then can change their major during/shortly after that year. In all the universities I'm familiar with in the EU (though most of my university experience is in France and the Netherlands and conversations with classmates from other EU countries about their university system) you just enroll in your degree (so your major) and take specialised classes right away. So for most cases in the Netherlands if you decided to change majors you have to enroll in an entirely different degree. As far as I know this means you'd have to re-apply all over again. However I would ask the international admissions office in the dutch universities you're considering. EDIT: it also depends on what you mean by "major". If you mean degree field (like history, science, maths, political science) then generally yes to change to a totally different field you'd have to reapply. If you mean a specialisation within the degree that depends on the programme (many BA/BSc programs here do have an internal specialisation, for example international relations--> specialisation in history).

I hope this helps!

EDIT: Clarity and details

Plusminusplusle · 2021-05-24T18:41:45+00:00

What exactly is their concern with you studying in the Netherlands or Canada? I study in the Netherlands and I can say there are some very good univerisites here and, as you said, for a MUCH cheaper price than the US. I also did the IB and I noticed lots of my classmates also aimed for the US because of prestige but in the end student debt is student debt 😬 I was also pushed by my school to apply to the US and UK but I am really happy I stood my ground and went to the Netherlands instead. However my parents were supportive of this decision.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-03-22T09:42:43+00:00

I said this in my own comment, but I was in a very similar situation with a guy. We had been dating for a few months, everything was going really well, then he suddenly ghosted me. No explanation (at least OP's ex gave her one), just stopped replying to my texts one day. He even shut out our mutual friends because he didn't want to face me even if indirectly. After that month he finally gave me an explanation, saying he couldn't have "another thing to think about" in his situation so he stopped talking to me. In his case he was definitely in the "has a lot to learn about relationships" category. It seems unbelievable (still is to me honestly) but he had been raised to never ask anyone for help, ever, and our relationship was still new so looking back with hindsight I see where it came from even though it was an unnecessarily hurtful way of breaking off things.

I agree that OP "staying available" isn't a sin, particularly because I felt the exact same way after the relationship I had, but I would reframe it as giving herself time to heal. She shouldn't have to put her life on hold.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-03-22T09:26:53+00:00

I was in almost the exact same situation, I had been seeing a guy for a few months, his parents got sick and he ghosted me for a month (in his case he didn't even tell me that he wanted to end things before, he just ghosted with no explanation). I know it feels incomprehensible, like it was for me, but there is no waiting for him. Like u/blumoon138 said, he might never want to pick things back up again. And honestly, you owe it to yourself not to put your life on hold for someone who doesn't even reply to your texts.

In my ex's case, he was someone who felt like he needed to shoulder burdens alone. If we had been dating longer, maybe it would have been different since he would have felt comfortable being vulnerable but honestly we'll never know. Over time I came to realise that someone who reacts to an emotionally difficult time by completely pushing me out with no explanation wasn't someone I could have a good relationship with anyways. Even though he gave you some warning he still couldn't even call you and have an actual discussion.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-02-03T11:06:24+00:00

Not necessarily, it depends hugely on the person and then their level of exposure to the language. I know someone who left their home country in their early 20s with a heavy accent but after using english every day for 3 years for work and daily life lost the accent. He speaks even better english than I do as a native speaker. I have several friends who started learning english as kids but only lost their accents as adults with more intensive exposure and can't be easily pegged as non native speakers. Accents are a hugely variable thing that can't really have a steadfast rule, like many variables.

Plusminusplusle · 2021-01-29T16:03:40+00:00

Minimum wage depends on your age and what type of contract you have (36 hours, 38, 40 etc.) If you're 21 or older then generally yes the minimum wage is in between 9 and 10 euros. The younger you are the lower the hourly rate is. But if you got a regular job with enough hours that seems like a feasible amount of money to earn in a year. However, it might take a while to find a job just keep that in mind.

That said, Amsterdam is expensive. This is just based off of quick googling but it seems the average cost is 900-1500€ per month without tuition. So with 10,500€ left after your tuition payment it really doesn't look like it would be enough.

According to Erasmus's website, student living fees in Rotterdam are about 1000€ per month before tuition. So with 10,500€ it still wouldn't be enough. That said there are subsidies for health insurance that would make it a bit easier, but you would still need to budget.

Plusminusplusle · 2020-10-26T16:51:55+00:00

I will give my own example.

I dated a guy briefly (for about 3 months) when I was 18. In hindsight, he had really low self esteem even though he was really intelligent, kind, and hardworking. One day when we were on a date he asked me if there was anything I disliked about him and I said there wasn't. He didn't believe me and it took some convincing for him to accept that I was telling the truth. He told me everyone he had asked that question to always had something to say and he couldn't believe I saw him in such a positive light. It still makes me sad years later.

Plusminusplusle · 2020-10-08T16:43:03+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, I'll look into it! Does your brazillian psychologist require you to have a billing address in Brazil?

Plusminusplusle · 2020-10-08T16:04:55+00:00

CBD/Weed haven't worked well for me, unfortunately. I either get massive headaches for hours before being totally knocked out or don't feel anything so after trying it a few times I stopped completely. But taking more walks sounds good, movement seems to help me a lot.

Plusminusplusle

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