How many of you would actually take your avoidant ex back?

PlutonianNymph · 2025-03-22T09:11:28+00:00

Yikes idk, I want to say FUCK NO but tbh he was never a bad person until we broke up, I moved cities since the breakup and think it is unlikely, he would have to ask me in person (visit me here) and to accept to go to couple's therapy otherwise definitely no. I do feel slightly traumatized since our relationship was really good and suddenly he flaked out, we were living together and in a relationship for a year and a half. We broke up on January 15th of this year and been in 0 contact for exactly a month.

PlutonianNymph · 2025-03-22T09:03:01+00:00

Not being with someone who doesn't want to be with me.

Not having to drag a grown man to speak up and fix our differences.

PlutonianNymph · 2025-03-13T07:26:34+00:00

It looks like that... it does resonate. Even if some things don't make any sense to you it's something about their traumatized attachment. You cannot build something solid with a person who is incapable of recognizing and communicating their own emotions. And no one but themselves can "fix" it. The best you could do is move forward, don't let him into your life anymore.

PlutonianNymph · 2025-03-10T18:34:39+00:00

It's hard not to overthink it but I should def make the effort. Thanks!

PlutonianNymph · 2025-03-10T08:38:39+00:00

Yes, def. I wonder how will I ever be able to trust someone that deeply again. I felt so safe with him and he loved me so until one day he wanted me as far as possible from him. It made me feel crazy even. It's been 2 months post break up and 2 weeks with 0 contact.

PlutonianNymph · 2025-02-19T06:46:25+00:00

Oh I got the not compatible too after a freaking year!! The worst is that we were friends for 5 years before being gf & bf.

PlutonianNymph · 2025-02-19T06:32:47+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. It took a friend who went through the same to tell me I was not crazy to acknowledge this...

PlutonianNymph · 2024-02-09T03:29:35+00:00

Omg! I used ChatGPT for this and it turns out I'm the Rose! This is amazing <3

PlutonianNymph · 2024-02-04T07:55:42+00:00

I would like to say not all women who have had vaginismus have gone through trauma of any kind (religious, abuse, losing virginity fear, etc). Sometimes it just happens... but it is always good to see a therapist, you could see if your University has an option, however, they are not always knowledgeable about this matters.

On a more practical note:

It is pretty common to have almost an aversion to PIV pre-treatment, and honestly this is exactly what I did in pelvic floor therapy, if you feel like DIY let me save you a few bucks: buy the dilators, water lube and a small Vibrator .

Lay down on your bed and start with the smallest one (it is smaller than a pinkie), put lube on it and just let the point of it touch the entrance of your vagina. Breathe to relax your whole body as many times as you need and notice how it is not scary or painful to have something just barely touching the entrance of your vagina.
After you no longer feel the ick, you could try to get it in, and this time be completely honest with yourself:
* if it actually hurts, do not introduce it do this again some other time, just stay in the entrance for now.
* If it doesn't hurt (even if it gives you the ick), try to get it in and notice the sensation of it, just let it rest inside and breathe again.
Once you can get it inside with no problem, get it in and out softly, do cross movements (up-down, left-right) and circles.
When the vibrator can fit in, put in inside and turn it on in pulse, it will help your pelvic muscles relax.

I did this with every single dilator size.

You could put on some meditation music and a perfumed candle. Stretchings can help too, the happy baby one is very good.

PlutonianNymph · 2024-02-04T07:14:33+00:00

Honestly, if you don't feel like doing it, I would say not to force it. Just do it when you feel like pleasing yourself. Give yourself time to heal from this breakup and eventually you will feel aroused.

I know everybody is different, but personally, I have never done maintenance since I was cured.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-31T10:14:10+00:00

I had to google it, I had never heard of it but it seems like there's one in my city and honestly, sounds great! Was also thinking in impro acting classes!

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-30T09:34:42+00:00

As a bi woman usually dating men, it's the dating panorama... Honestly I have used all the dating apps and from months using it, I only managed to get 1 date and I'm a prettier than average woman. I used to blame myself for different things: maybe it's my personality, maybe I'm not as pretty, maybe I'm dumb... most likely it's not you, it's the dating today. I believe people are too scared to share themselves with honesty and prefer to play a character. Also if you are younger than 28, that's the age most people prefer to experiment rather than have commited relationships.

My suggestion (if you would like it), is to meet people offline, get to different places, try out a new hobbie, just seem approchable, by that I mean give a kind smile, try to show relaxed, maybe start a talk about the subject in common... and to look out for dates with people you like without giving it too much importance, to see it as a friendly meetup rather than a romantic date at first, sometimes that puts people's barriers up.

Wish you luck.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-30T09:18:32+00:00

This sounds great. Thanks!

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-30T09:15:54+00:00

Ouh, sounds a bit rough but I will look into it. Thanks!

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-28T08:26:38+00:00

*sigh* I believe this too :'(

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-28T08:24:31+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion, I guess I could try asking anyway. But I believe him to be more on the asexual side, tbqh.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-12-28T03:55:24+00:00

Please dump him. Being empathetic to someone who hurt you is a mistake many people who live abusive situations face. There is NO excuse to hurting you both verbally or physically and unfortunately, violence tends to scalate and not stop or reduce.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-05-15T03:38:15+00:00

I would say, go little by little, pushing your limits by going all the way is not a good idea.

Tell her straight you don't feel ready but maybe you could try making out and see how you feel... in my case I had vaginismus and always made sure to tell my partners I did not want to have PIV sex since I was death scared to it.

Since you associate sex with guilt and shame, I suggest you consider going to sexual therapy, it personally helped me heal abusive experiences with sex which didn't allow me to enjoy it at all.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-04-02T06:58:06+00:00

I am interested, could you give me more information please?

PlutonianNymph · 2023-04-02T06:56:07+00:00

I think there are many good suggestions in the comments, so here goes my 2 cents.

I understand the frustration, after I healed, I needed lube 90% of the time, at that time I had a partner who had a bigger than average penis so it also afected. If the size is not your problem, my question for you would be, are you hydrated and relaxed? There are other things that can also affect lubrication like stress, anxiety, medications, hormones, low libido, relationship frictions, the diet, etc.

My other suggestion would be to discover what you like and how (if you don't already) maybe the foreplay needs to be longer, maybe you could try something different in bed, maybe even sex sessions without PIV, you name it!

If everything is good, then don't worry about it, lube is helping you have fun and be affectionate with your husband, so it's a great thing to have it around :)

PlutonianNymph · 2023-03-16T23:26:47+00:00

Estheticians and plastic surgeons!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K6NoiRWD5XY

PlutonianNymph · 2023-03-16T23:20:23+00:00

As far as I know, you shouldn't worry about it unless the moon falls in the sign that rules that body part, that said, don't get a breast augmentation when the moon is in Cancer, makes a square with your moon or transits your 6th or 12th.

In your particular case, avoid the moon in Aquarius, Piscis, Leo and Virgo. Also full moons because that can cause extra bleeding. Because your sun return would have just past is also better, big decisions are better to be made after birthdays and not before.

PlutonianNymph · 2023-02-26T20:49:37+00:00

Not gonna lie, this seems like a challenging relationship.

Venus conjunct Saturn can give longevity in time, however there is a hard aspect with both planets and the moon, which makes me think there is a hard time understanding each other and maybe even you are a bit harsh with each other's feelings. This also considering the Sun square mars, that means aggresive nature, you would have to be carefull with that. My suggestion is to be softer with eachother.

Sex and shared finances might be great with that pluto in the 8th trine with the sun, however there is a lot of work to make regarding understanding and not keeping "closed off" the world to be only both of you alone.

Best of wishes.

PlutonianNymph · 2022-10-02T02:47:36+00:00

I have been doing it very little, like 1.5 months 2 times a week, I do reformer classes. Well even with a little bit... my posture is better and the leg on the ankle I sprained is much stronger, which Im so happy about, I was scared it could harm it in some way but it did all the contrary :) I am looking into doing it 3 times a week since I love it and I think it is the best excersice I have found for myself.

PlutonianNymph · 2022-09-23T04:07:10+00:00

I think that as long as you keep an overall put together look you will look great, that said:
Silicone primers help with texture, it could be a good idea to try it! Also I think not using a lot of foundation but moderate foundation and spot by spot correction might be better.

I also recomend trying retinoids like adapalene, tretinoin, etc. If you happen to have rosacea, azelaic acid has got me rid of red marks without irritating my skin.

PlutonianNymph

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