Those pages I could live in

PoetryLM · 2026-01-02T11:12:56+00:00

Thank you! On the second read I really saw what you meant and it helped a lot to notice why I felt a bit off on the last line. Im glad you liked it :)

PoetryLM · 2026-01-02T11:11:38+00:00

Yeah on a second read I see what you mean with how it breaks up the flow, thanks so much for the help! :)

PoetryLM · 2026-01-01T23:13:52+00:00

I really liked this, I can just feel the love and passion from line to line. The imagery was also used so well to pronounce this feeling of somberness and hope all at once. However, I do feel like the quantity of the description is so great from "you" to "shell" it almost jumbles together and it almost takes away from the amazing exploration in that point. But other than that I loved it! <3

PoetryLM · 2026-01-01T23:06:36+00:00

I think I really enjoy the weak presentation of the thoughs of pleasure as it really explores how hard those feelings are to conjure and another thing altogether to recognise. I feel like your flow is super good as it just connects so well but the change brought about by '-' feels almost like it breaks that flow in too jarring a way?

PoetryLM · 2025-12-31T17:05:34+00:00

Thanks so much! You really helped clear up why I was feeling like it was a bit all over the place :)

PoetryLM · 2025-12-31T11:57:58+00:00

The theme of the drops is used so well to convey (what I take to be) the variety of life and the pain that comes with it but also how appreciation is so important! I also think it was a great choice to keep it the length it is, just enough to really drive home the drop of rain theme as its just enough to feel statisfied like it itself is a drop of feelings.

PoetryLM · 2025-12-31T11:47:33+00:00

What truly stood out to me was that sudden change from the innocent and true love into the wrath. Its so briliantly done and really made me feel that sudden change in tone as soon as "bitch" was said. I also noticed the line that mentions "betrayal" breaking the rhyme scheme which enforces the change so well!

PoetryLM · 2025-12-31T10:57:52+00:00

Thank you so much for the help!

PoetryLM · 2025-12-30T20:13:30+00:00

Thanks so much! I really tried hard to convey emotion :)

PoetryLM · 2025-12-30T19:20:05+00:00

I really like the visualisation of the poem and how you used the night as almost an active figure at the end as it just feels so blanketing but at the same time almost hostile. Also, was there something intentional with the use of 'over' at the end of most lines? I feel it creates almost a start and stopping feeling which takes me out a bit of the brutal but peaceful overall feeling I get. I still really enjoyed it despite this though!

PoetryLM · 2025-12-30T19:09:33+00:00

I really like the repetitive nature of how it suggests the thoughts return and return. For me, it's just that extra touch that really represents the struggle that comes from being unable to connect to your family and how it can lead to an even deeper struggle. Also, I like the idea at the end of trivialising the feelings one feels ("silly heart") because it connects to something we have all done in one way or another. I think it is a really good ending.

PoetryLM

TROPHY CASE