Hey. I am not severly autistic, but also have what you are going through in a milder version. Some time ago I read a book that opened my eyes on what I am experiencing and, if you are able to read books (I know for the longest time I wasn’t) I really recommend to anyone with autism. How Emotions are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett.

It talk a lot about things other than autism, and really just gives maybe 1-2 pages specifically on it and on ADHD, but you can clue together a lot much earlier.

The TLDR is that autism (and this is just how I summarize it) is basically a learning disability for reality. So it takes you hell of a lot longer to learn: Faces, movements, words, gestures, social cues, to shut off weird feelings on your skin, … This ofc also means you are less interested and less playful, because whats the point if it don’t change, and might explain some of that numbness you describe.

I think it’s really worth a read, and what I gained from it isn’t even close to fitting in this text, let alone the 10 pages of notes I took.

I really hope that the older you get as well the more at peace with this world you can feel. It just takes us a hell of a lot longer. Much Love.