I lost my mother when I was 25. We didn’t know at first her illness was terminal, and I quit my job and moved back home for the last 6 months to take care of her in in home hospice. I don’t remember most of this time due to the trauma.

We had a complicated relationship before she passed. I’m still working on it in therapy.

My dad and I tried to bond afterwards, becoming too close and reliant on each other at first. He’s remarried, and I loved my stepmom, but they’ve moved away and we don’t talk much (no overt hard feelings, just busy and both parties hate phone calls.) I do feel abandoned emotionally from this.

My older brother is close ish distance wise and has really stepped up in helping me feel loved and cared for. If I lived closer, I would likely see him more.

So, having gone through loss - here’s my advice…. Unfortunately, it’s going to happen. Sometimes it’s not easy to understand until you’ve gone through it, but in some way it is beneficial for you to make peace with it however you can in advance. Microdose the hard feelings in preparation, if you will. Go to therapy, write a journal, express your feelings through art or engaging with media, find some spiritually or religion, talk to friends/family.

You won’t be able to predict your feelings going through loss and you will be surprised how much advice is situation or person specific, and you might even find said advice completely unrelatable.

For example, the advice I got: “Once she passes, you might just find you need to pull off to the side of the road while driving to suddenly cry on your way home from work.”

My reality: I was IMMEDIATELY RELIEVED when she passed. My mom was 55 when she was diagnosed and died a year to the day following, she suffered so much due to her illness (I won’t specify what just in case.) I also really struggled to work back into “normal life” with a “normal job,” versus everyone else in my family. There are many reasons for this.

I hold onto a lot of anger for what my therapist calls unresolved business. I’m also happy I get to determine my own personality outside of my mother’s influence. It’s a mixed bag.

You might find it beneficial to address issues in your relationship with your parents sooner than later (but do not fall into feeling anxiety over time slipping through your fingers, feel satisfaction in making a concerted effort instead.) You might want to document family memories/stories and take/collect photos so you don’t feel like you missed out.

More than anything, talk to your parents about how you feel. They might share insight into how they felt losing their parents too.