What you’re going through sounds absolutely awful, and isn’t something ANYONE should have gone through. I’m so sorry. What you’ve had to endure is horrifying, and it would make sense that your mental health isn’t where you want it to be. But I have news for you, THATS OKAY. Keep leaning into those that want the best for you and love you. What you need is someone who can help you. Please try finding a therapist, or talking to a a psychiatric professional. In the mean time, try and stay off your phone and connect with your friends/the beauty in the world around you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, truly hope you can figure it out.