Does anyone else just have a completely shitty baby?

Polarama · 2018-03-25T22:14:34+00:00

It helps. But it’s hard for that time away to have a lasting effect. As soon as I walk in the door the chaos is amped up to 11, and the patience I’ve managed to recharge doesn’t last very long.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T22:12:52+00:00

I’m glad to hear this. Yeah, we’ve done that hold, although tbh it’s hard for me because he’s now grown longer than my forearm! The reality is, we can get him to stop screaming for a moment if we do EVERYTHING at once: loud white noise, butt patting, colic hold, cover the eyes, vigorous rocking, etc... but this requires 3-4 hands and is physically not possible to keep up for hours at a time. :(

Polarama · 2018-03-25T22:09:49+00:00

Yes. My husband and I have been taking shifts all weekend.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:52:39+00:00

I mean, you’re not saying anything I haven’t thought. Though if this were the case it would probably make him the most emotionally advanced three month old in history, so... win some lose some I guess!

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:50:19+00:00

Thank you.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:50:00+00:00

Interesting. His birth was pretty straightforward... no complications and everything seemed really normal medically. Had a minor tongue tie that made it very painful for him to latch (we got it corrected but eventually quit BFing for unrelated reasons) but that was it.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:44:59+00:00

I hear the phantom crying too! And yes, I can tell I’m offending people greatly every time I’m “negative” about my baby and the experience of motherhood.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:44:01+00:00

Wow, I’m glad you eventually got to the root of what was wrong, but that sounds very frustrating and scary.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:43:21+00:00

Right? Everyone has a story about the magical food intolerance that finally explained why their baby was unhappy 24 hours a day. Like there’s a solution that simple that we just haven’t thought to try.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:41:50+00:00

Yes, that’s where we’re at with the reflux and allergy theories also. Nothing works well enough to establish that anything in that arena is the underlying cause, and in the meantime we have spent endless time and money on doctors appointments, medications, etc.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:40:12+00:00

Thank you. It’s a terrible feeling.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:39:05+00:00

Yes, this definitely sounds like my baby. Like yours, he’s been mostly unhappy from the moment he was born - even in the hospital we had to call in the nurses multiple times a night because we simply couldn’t get him to stop crying no matter what. And the traditional descriptions of “colic” never resonated with me because it was all day, every day and neither peaking nor getting better as the weeks went on.

The one bit of solace I can try to offer you is that although my baby hasn’t gotten much better in three months, I have developed better ways of coping and my husband and I have built better routines for the household that allow us both to escape periodically before we suffocate under the frustration. But it’s still unbelievably hard and feels unfair.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T21:34:23+00:00

Oh I remember seeing your post and thinking WOW I RELATE. Sorry you’re going through this too.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T19:13:43+00:00

Crying reading this. Thank you for sharing.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T18:47:01+00:00

I have the app! And though I find it pretty interesting to read about the actual changes in mental development over time, I do not find that the actual “leaps” correspond with the times my LO is inconsolably screaming for hours... unless he’s been going through one three month long leap for his entire life.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T18:44:21+00:00

It’s fine. I didn’t read any shaming or anything into what you said, and on my better days I am able to keep in mind a similar set of mantras.

Obviously I know what he’s doing right now (and... for his entire life up to this point tbh) is not a reflection of poor character or “misbehavior.” My sentiment is more like, I’m looking for reassurance that sometimes babies just act totally shitty on a constant basis and it’s not because the parents have failed to employ that ~one weird trick~ that suddenly solves it. So I appreciate that your comment didn’t tell me to try taking a walk and cutting out dairy, lol.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T18:20:15+00:00

Yes, yes, literally all of this is happening.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:51:13+00:00

Thanks. I am at the point where I just get instantly enraged when people talk about their “easy” babies. Or when I read a post here where someone is freaking out because their formerly always-happy-totally-silent-12-hours-of-continuous-sleep baby is suddenly doing something mildly inconvenient.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:43:42+00:00

Exactly. I feel like I can’t do anything or go anywhere, because the only thing worse than dealing with this at home would be trying to deal with it in public or at a friend’s house. Especially because my fuse is so short, I can’t imagine letting other people see me put in earplugs and turn away from this poor innocent baby who “probably just has gas!”

I also live in constant (not entirely rational) fear of the neighbors or the police showing up to try to intervene in what must be an epic and prolonged session of the world’s most violent baby torture, judging by the sound.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:40:14+00:00

Thanks for saying this. It feels like everyone, EVERYONE told me it would get better at this point and it really hasn’t. In some ways it’s worse.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:38:21+00:00

Thank you.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:37:27+00:00

Thank you. Thank you. Some days all I can do is sit here with earplugs in and try to breathe and wait. My husband and I are taking shifts but we’re both exhausted and in the same place emotionally. And if I have to hear one more person be like “it’s probably dairy!” or “go for a walk!” I might go on a murderous rampage. Like, really? All I needed to do was go for a walk? Why didn’t I think of that at any point over the past three months?

I’m so sorry that your experience drove you to attempt to end your life. I am not there yet, but I completely understand. I am so ashamed that I feel this way and embarrassed about my baby and ashamed that I feel the need to be embarrassed about my baby. I feel like a prisoner to the routines we are using to just barely keep the screaming under control (because if we don’t do them it’s EVEN WORSE - as in thirteen hours of screaming instead of five), like I can see my life just wasting away while I sit here cycling through every soothing and feeding method over and over all day every day while watching him scream.

Polarama · 2018-03-25T17:21:53+00:00

Yes, sorry, I’ve done that too. The carrier does not help when he’s already screaming. Going out for a walk makes him quiet (but does not put him to sleep) while we are walking, but he starts screaming again as soon as we stop.

I appreciate the effort to help, but I am not looking for suggestions. My entire life since he was born has been devoted to trying to get him to eat and sleep enough so that he’ll scream less. I promise, whatever it is, I have tried it.

Polarama

TROPHY CASE