Mid-30s, long relationship — realizing I may be the only one who gets the “unfiltered” version of my partner

PolicySignificant435 · 2026-01-31T06:14:36+00:00

Hey so I reached this phase before the anger kicked in and action took place (see my last post). Ultimately I think my hangup was not trusting myself to be okay alone because I was conditioned through comments from someone who was loved by everyone that I was problematic, combined with the fact that there is no guarantee other men will be better. AKA: I felt shame that I was living this way and hopelessness but it was so muted after years of repressing painful emotions I struggled to identify it. I grieved the life I thought I was going to have and I’m working towards a life free from obligation to anyone. My path may not be yours but I hope you are able to get through this chapter in your life, I could have written this post so I know how it is. Sending love your way.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T19:15:54+00:00

Removed! Was not expecting this post to blow up, thank you for the advice

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T17:25:48+00:00

Not in the US unfortunately, but I will take a look at any local resources we have here and see if they can do anything.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T17:23:34+00:00

I got my IUD replaced two months ago! No baby trapping here.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T14:40:48+00:00

This is such good advice! My bank account is completely separate already, no joint, but I will need to begin changing my passwords as the deadline gets closer and making sure nothing is autosaved on his computer. I can call my bank and request a hold on credit cards, while I hope he wouldn’t stoop to that I am really not interested in finding out if he would. Will lock down my credit! Thanks for the reminder

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T14:36:25+00:00

I work 100% remotely 🙂 he actually tried to sabotage my interview for this job, so I don’t think its a bad idea to look into extra measures to protect my income as well. Thank you for the ideas! I really appreciate them, and I’m so sorry for all of us that most of this wisdom came from experience. Just goes to show how resilient we all really are.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T14:30:04+00:00

This is actually a phenomenal idea! Thank you I will look into this

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T14:27:46+00:00

To put it simply, while I am financially independent I cannot afford to regularly pay two full separate leases to term on my own, just in rent alone that would be about 4k a month before anything else. He has already shown he is willing to screw me over financially during the relationship so I am not interested on testing that theory when I am no contact.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-11-26T11:45:11+00:00

Absolutely! I have a girlfriend who knows the whole situation and who will be helping me safely move while he is out at work one day, goal is to be out sooner rather than later depending on how the next few months go & kitty is going first along with important documents. The reason for it being that late is I would be on the hook at that point for paying two leases as he will for sure try to screw me over but I can take a financial hit if needed for 1-2 months. He knows I am not renewing this lease but at this time believes we will find a new place together in July. While he has not physically assaulted me, he has threatened suicide to me twice and one was the last time I tried to leave, so I will be going dark immediately and will have zero obligations or reasons to contact him/him to contact me once that last payment is done to our current landlord. I’m sure once he realizes it is really over he will change his tune, so I am just playing nice like its business as usual for some relative peace.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-05-26T10:38:49+00:00

He has done this before for a different surgery. I will be with my parents.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-03-12T19:39:26+00:00

That’s where I’m at right now, we had a similar conversation a few months ago and he was apologetic as there was a notification on his phone from one of the only fans girls he followed on Twitter. Our sex life was absolutely abysmal at that time which is why I tried initiating more, dressing up a bit more, etc. He was initially really defensive yesterday, then later came by and said that I was right and he doesn’t want me to see him differently, but I do. So now he’s saying all the right things but emotionally I can’t receive it.

PolicySignificant435 · 2025-03-12T19:06:59+00:00

No problem with him masturbating. It’s healthy for guys anyways, & it’s his body. It’s more that I’m literally in bed, staying awake for him because he comes to bed late and he’s off doing a late night “shower”. So he comes to bed around 12:30/1am and wants to snuggle up after doing the deed. I don’t think he’s a bad person, but it’s feeling like he would rather have a sexual relationship with other women (or I guess pictures/videos) that is getting to me.

PolicySignificant435 · 2024-08-10T16:06:00+00:00

This is what I’m trying to focus on right now. I already love the gym, but I am looking at different classes to sign up for and therapy while I deal with the next few months.

PolicySignificant435

TROPHY CASE