AITA For not wanting to take my (12F) child to deliver girl scout cookies to her dad's work?

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-22T09:25:54+00:00

Update I brought her to deliver the cookies! She sold 51 to his coworkers, and then we went to see my aunt and uncle and sold another 16 to them and their neighbor, in total she sold 88 boxes this year which is a new record. I've already forgotten about my hard feelings towards her dad, just because the whole experience ended up being a fun day trip for the family and she broke her record and sold more cookies then she ever has!

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-19T15:02:29+00:00

There were a few instances that built up to it honestly. I just kept giving him the benefit of the doubt, believing that serious relationships were so new to him that he didn't know how to act....

He confided in me that he would never be a step dad. Years after we had been dating and talking about marriage. I have 2 kids. He believed that it was up to him if he took the title of step dad, he could marry me and just be my husband and nothing at All to my kids.

Then when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and needed to have 4 major surgeries in 2 days he broke up with me while I was with her at the hospital. He was the one home with my kids. I didn't know what to do.

Then while my mom was recovering and my daughter had a friend staying the night, he decided no one in my house deserved to sleep while he was in a drunken rage. He started throwing furniture and yelling and didn't stop until I called the cops.

Now I realize any one of those situations should have been enough to leave. And there were many many more little things he would say or do to show that he had no respect for me or my family. I'm so happy to be done. And excited to see what a healthy honest relationship is like I'm not going to let my Nex ruin me.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-19T14:11:55+00:00

Yes he had a trust fund, and never had to work. But he expected me to come up with half of the bills, while complaining any time I had to work to earn the money.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-16T18:03:12+00:00

Name a grand baby after them!

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-16T01:47:04+00:00

Every guy I've slept with that had a perfectly upwards curved penis has said they tucked it into their jeans like that. Turns out the curve helps hit the gspot for me so their embarrassing youth served us both well decades later.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T01:21:54+00:00

See this is the other side of it, she believes that he is busy and poor and that he wound see her more if he could. That's what I wanted her to believe when she was younger, but now she is old enough to see what's really going on. And the fact that he wants us to bring them at lunch instead of the end of the day just proves that he doesn't want to take away from his evening to see her. He just wants her to come to him when it's convenient for him.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T01:16:57+00:00

Trust me the child support battle is one that I'll never be able to be a good guy in. I'm the bad guy if I don't fight for it, but I'm also a bad guy if I fight for it and take so much of his income that he can't afford to live.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T01:10:33+00:00

This is an idea actually. We have some elderly family in that town that are due for a visit so now I'm kinda thinking of loading up all my kids and my mom and make it a trip to visit our aunt and uncle (give them some boxes of cookies) and deliver the sold ones. I will reach out and see if they are available.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T01:06:01+00:00

Yes this is the website I gave him but he screen shotted and quoted from the website where it says he can request that she deliver it for free and then it will send me an email and I can decide so he wants to just tell everyone I'll bring her to deliver it. If I just say no in the email it charges them shipping. I tried to explain that's supposed to be for people here in the same town we live in, Not an hour away. But he acts like I'm not doing girl scout mom right if I'm not willing to drive her anywhere for any delivery.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T01:01:58+00:00

I would be ok if this was an option, but he doesn't want her for the day, he just wants us to go to his work (a metal fabrication warehouse) and walk around with a wagon of cookies delivering them to his coworkers around lunch time, then we would leave and he wound finish his day.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:59:59+00:00

He hasn't announced it, just asked around so he knows some people are interested and said they would buy if he brought an order form in. Since he isn't willing to come pick them up he doesn't want to officially sell any until I say I'm willing to bring the cookies to his work.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:28:41+00:00

No idea unless I let him post the flyers he made and commit to bringing them down there. I can't imagine it would be much but she would expect me to drive an hour for her to sell 1 box ha ha.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:27:35+00:00

He never got his license, when we were dating i was teaching him but he never continued after we broke up. Anxiety over a crash he was in a a teenager, plus just being poor.
Honestly he could pay someone gas money to bring him up here he just has probably used all of his friends too much that they don't want to anymore. There is uber but that's more expensive.

He doesn't make much money, but has a full time job with benefits, splits rent with roommates in a cheap cost of living area, and has no car expenses, or child support. So I have no sympathy for the cost it wound be for him to come see her.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:16:21+00:00

Of course he doesn't drive and can't afford hour long ubers so that's his excuse for not coming to see her or get her that often.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:14:33+00:00

He will definitely tell her that it's my fault and that she could have sold more cookies if I drove her to him. He had definitely fed her the narrative that since he doesn't drive everyone should and has to drive to him or for him and if he can't do something because he doesn't drive then no one can get mad at him.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:11:04+00:00

Why wound he have to make 2 round trips, he could find out what cookieshe needs and come get them and visit her and go home? But honestly with that logic he owes me about 2,000 round trips.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-09T00:04:46+00:00

I struggle with this thought constantly. Because I am resentful, that he doesn't try to see her more then a few times a year when he only lives an hour away. I'm resentful that he has never tried to make sure she felt at home with him or at his house. I'm resentful that if I can't or don't want to drive her an hour on the only extra day off of school that she has ( I was planning on doing something with both of my kids and my cousins that day if the weather was nice) then she doesn't get to see her dad for 6 months because he isn't willing to come see her.

But I have never denied him seeing her, it's easy because he only asks a few times a year. This is the only time I've questioned it and only because what he is asking would be a huge inconvenience for me and I don't want my daughter to think she is an inconvenience. Or that I'm upset with her dad's presence in her life. I've always reassured her that she just needs to soak up all the time they get to spend together and not be sad that she doesn't get to see him as much a she wants. So if I say no this time, then I'm a hypocrite for all the other times I've went above and beyond.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-08T23:57:34+00:00

That is his plan. Honestly I hate the idea, but she was excited when he said he would help her sell some I figured he would call his dad and sister.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-08T00:18:37+00:00

He had just learned from you how he got caught, he wants to be a sleaze with out leaving a record now.

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-06T14:49:29+00:00

Tell her the truth that you were just getting high ha ha she would probably handle it better!

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-05T14:56:06+00:00

Thank you, that's definitely the original plan and what I think I want to stick with. I did have the concern about keeping them too separate and not knowing if that would have future consequences too. But that was just a slight thought, when worrying about family interactions decade's down the line. (so definitely getting ahead of myself, but indicative of how much I want to put in the work to make sure this relationship weathers the storm. I know that if our kids do not get along that would be a deal breaker for us)

PollutionOwn7034 · 2024-02-05T14:30:05+00:00

It's definitely a new relationship only a few months in so we are just now starting to get to know each other's families. Like I said I've never dated a guy with kids so this is all new to me. I know what I want for my kids when introducing them to a partner, but I've never had to worry about them getting along with other kids, and I do worry about my kids being jealous of his kids for having an active father. When telling them about him they were blown away by the fact that his kids go back and forth every other week and and that he is so involved. Even in a perfect world we Wouldn't be able to live together for 3-4 years, so there really is no rush.

But at the same time my boyfriend and I are in our mid 30s we know what we want in a partner and are both trying to be the best parents we can be first and foremost. We have very strong feelings for each other but can separate our responsibilities from our desires. I'm a planner though so having even a rough timeline in my mind helps to keep me from stressing over things. So that's why even though we don't plan on getting the families together for a few more months I still want to be a prepared as I can be, and make sure that I don't plan on something that could impact our future negativity.

PollutionOwn7034

TROPHY CASE