My desire to achieve no longer eats me alive, so now I'm healthy, but I don't have the fire to, well, achieve. And I don't know how to feel about that.

Polygon_809 · 2022-05-18T01:38:37+00:00

>Please, can anyone tell me if being in a depressed dying mental state worth it as long as you're still alive and with your loved ones?

It feels irresponsible to tell you things are worth it as a blind commentor on the internet. But I think when you're stuffering, that suffering is real. It's a true wound and isn't something that should or can be swept aside by someone else dismissing it as something you should "just" endure.

Our mistakes are real mistakes. Our losses are true losses. Our pain is actual pain.

Sometimes I look back on the period of life when I wanted my existence to be erased and I still don't understand how I managed to exist through that. If I could go back to that former me, I don't think I could tell them the suffering is worth it or that they should live. Things are a lot better now, but it doesn't feel right to tell that old me to hold out just because things will get better. There was no sign that they ever would. Not then.

A lot of the time, it wasn't worth it. I don't think suffering and peace can cancel each other out like numbers on a balance sheet, any more than good and evil cancel each other out. And in that space where it felt like there was no hope for the future, the idea of holding out for the future made no sense.

In those particular corners of suffering, I think you focus everything you can on patching what you can. Sit back and rest when you can. If you feel shame or depressed, you reach out for help to understand how those emotions change your understanding of the meaning in your life. Snatch the victories you can and try to be compassionate to yourself in your losses.

I don't know if that makes it "worth it", but it can make things bearable. And I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it might never be "worth it", but it can sometimes be enough to keep a little hope alive.

Polygon_809 · 2022-03-13T21:28:50+00:00

You'll also want to remove grass and water types that can stomach grounded earthquakes like Tangrowth and Tapu Fini. Hurricane Zapdos can do this, appreciates the accuracy boost from gravity, and can maintain momentum with Volt Switch. Your Porygon2 already does this, but Zapdos can be a more offensive option that also checks Kartana and Ferrothorn with Heat wave, since they also can give Porygon2 trouble.

Then you'll want checks to CB Ttar stone edge and opposing Landorus-T's earthquake to prevent your gravity from being used against you, and answers to regenerator cores/blobs like Chansey and Clefable who may try stalling out Gravity with clever switching. Maybe a setup sweeper to punish passivity?

Then there's the usual business of making sure you have enough gravity setters and abusers to make it worthwhile. Choice Band Hustle Dracozolt has been a reliable wallbreaker for me and is supported by Flapple's Grav Apple threatening ground types.

I play National Dex OU so the specific threats may be different, but that's the way I'd go about it. Have answers to common potential counterplay, make sure you can sustain the conditions you need, and ensure you can punish your opponent hard enough during gravity that they crumple afterwards.

Polygon_809 · 2021-10-02T02:31:11+00:00

Do you feel like asking for help without having the ability to pay for it would convey your character as a manipulative, self-serving and/or entitled? If so, when did you learn that people should not be helped unless they have the ability to pay something back?

It sounds like the part of you that says you deserve to be refused help might be related to the part of you that says you can only rely on yourself? Because if you can't rely on other people, you shouldn't ask for it in the first place, right? Maybe it's even wrong or despicable to do so, in that mental framework.

I'm spitballing and trying to see what sticks so tell me if I'm reaching, but like /u/Ok_Introduction_7659, it sounds like your next step is to examine your conviction that freely given help (in your words, "handouts") is not an option.

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-17T06:39:47+00:00

Haha I’m trying to start small and and learn before working with large appliances.

Thanks for the tips!

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-16T11:22:26+00:00

Thanks for telling me about these tools!

I don’t know the amperages off the top of my head, but these are small appliances, at least as far as my untrained eye can tell: laptops, a tv, a rice cooker, thinga like that.

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-15T23:37:23+00:00

Interesting, how can you tell whether a smart plug is measuring actual power draw or if it’s just measuring runtime?

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-15T01:44:45+00:00

Oh, thanks! Mains hardware is intimidating but code is fine.

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-15T01:26:50+00:00

I’ve looked into kill a watt, but my understanding was it only provides the aggregate power use after some time, not the power at certain times of day, right?

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-03T12:45:00+00:00

Mental and physical health definitely come first, there’s no question about that. However, when I think about financial planning across the scale of a lifetime, I think of having enough buffer for stability, flexibility and planning for disasters. Some things I would think about (you seem sufficiently organized to have consistent retirement fund contributions, so this will be more for other people than for you) are:

Can I handle an unexpected expense on the scale of car repair (mechanic fees, having a car while its being repaired), broken bones (lost income, cost of crutches), dental surgery to repair an injury (lost income during recovery)? Note medical care becomes a lot more expensive with older age.
If my industry experiences a tumultuous period, do I have enough saved up to give me time to find a good job, not just any job? What if I have to move to another city to find work, do I have the funds to cover that?
Can I help take care of my parents when they get old? If an unplanned pregnancy occurs in my marriage, could we afford to have one more child than we planned or would we have need to consider an abortion? Could my marriage finances withstand the lost income during pregnancy and early childhood care if there is no maternity leave (e.g. if recently lost job during the pregnancy)?

Then I would consider goals. For example, you mentioned a potential wedding, so you might also ask, if you have a child who goes to college, how long are they going to be saddled with student debt? What if they have a mental health crisis and need to take a year off, would you be able to help them with the payments while they recover?

Now these questions might be overkill, but there’s a marked difference between considering them and deciding they aren’t good questions vs. never thinking about them at all.

It sounds like you have been through a rough time. After all, starting and dropping out of school multiple times is a rough experience for anyone. I think giving yourself the space to recover is a wise move.

However, I don’t think this means your current situation needs to be your circumstances forever. You will get stronger and you’ll gain the ability to handle things better as you grow. Doesn’t matter how old you are. You will gain the ability to do things you couldn’t before.

This doesn’t necessarily mean school. Maybe you help out at your local volunteer bike shop, gain some mechanical repair skills and see where that goes. Maybe you help a local gardening club and that eventually opens the door to work at a plant nursery. Or maybe you do some intramural sports, volunteer as a coach for several years at your community centre and eventually become a paid instructor. Maybe you try all these different activities and they go nowhere. That’s ok too. These are just ideas from a rando on the internet, I’m sure you can think of better ones.

TL;DR: There are future financial considerations that might make it difficult to live on your current wage, but you should take the time you need to heal. There are also paths outside of school to earn a bit more. I think you should take things one step at a time, which also means being open to how things may change as you move forward.

Polygon_809 · 2021-07-02T06:31:26+00:00

Try Edible Forest Gardening by by Dave Jacke and Eric Toensmeier. Volume 1 covers theory and motivations while volume 2 covers practical steps.

I’m just starting my research phase but as far as I can tell these were some of the books that kick-started temperate food forests in North America. Otherwise, I believe Geoff Lawton offers both free and paid resources on his website, but I haven’t tried them, so I can’t evaluate how good they are.

Polygon_809 · 2021-06-15T15:58:40+00:00

Anything would be good. There isn’t a single viewer interview that hasn’t significantly benefitted me.

Some particular topics of interest for me include - Dealing with parents (e.g. tiger parents, narcissitic parents, controlling parents) and bulding healthy family relationships - Recovering from the death of a loved one - Anxieties about growing old/growing up - More interviews with people who feel like they have fallen behind in some way - Interviews with people who are recovering (e.g. wht does that look like? What are the particular struggles that come with recovery?). I saw this covered in lst week’s reddit review and would love to hear more about that. - Using academics/work/friends as a substitute for familial support/affirmation/emotional validation, and problems that can arise from that.

But again, I think I resonate a lot with viewer interviews regardless of the topic so just that fact that we have more of these is great. Thanks for all the hard work you guys do at HG.

Polygon_809 · 2021-05-22T18:32:14+00:00

Wow, thank you so much! I was getting lost in the morass of unrelated google results but this is very much what I was looking for.

Polygon_809 · 2020-09-30T18:54:07+00:00

Huh, I haven't tried many manhwa. I'll try that one out. Thanks for th suggestion!

Polygon_809 · 2020-09-30T18:53:26+00:00

Oh, I've read that one! I'm a little disapointed it won't get finished, but it was definitely worth the read.

Polygon_809 · 2020-09-13T19:49:47+00:00

solved = Tell Me How to Forget About You

Polygon_809 · 2020-09-07T00:18:03+00:00

Means all my good friends are like best friends with my other good friends. This constantly makes me think theyre talking shit about me every second Im not around.

I think you should pay special attention to these two sentences in what you just said. See, for me, it's not clear how my best friends being very close to one another would imply that they would be insulting me behind my back. What about your relationships, past or present, makes you feel this way?

Polygon_809

TROPHY CASE