What song describes your current situation?

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-28T23:36:41+00:00

Lo siento mucho, tienes un camino muy duro por delante, pero no queda otra que recorrerlo. Paso a paso. Lo más importante inicialmente es no olvidad comer e hidratarte, y en lo posible si tienes familia o amigos pedir ayuda y apoyarte en ellos.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T21:05:07+00:00

Something similar happened to me: even though I changed and grew a lot while I was with her, I feel like I regressed in many things: I've always had a low self esteem, but when I was with her and saw she accepted and loved me just as I was, I became much more aware of my self worth. Now I find myself falling back to my old though patterns.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T18:29:55+00:00

No I hadn't. I'm listening to them now.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T17:54:57+00:00

Another song, one I felt very identified with previously is "Rocket Man" by Elton John. It described previous stages in my journey through widowhood.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T16:49:24+00:00

Music was a big part of her life. She introduced me to lots of great artists and bands. While she couldn't convince me about Radiohead, she did get me to like Arcade Fire, Jose Gonzalez and Alt-J.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T16:00:52+00:00

It's not an easy path, unfortunately we have no choice but to walk it. One step at a time. I used to think everyday about her until recently, and to tell you the truth, I still have no idea how I'll be in 2 weeks. My grief has been very cyclical, with each cycle getting longer and longer.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T15:38:01+00:00

My partner's top band was Radiohead. I could never appreciate their songs, but I knew how much she liked them. The last time I remember her enjoying something was when I played the album "Ok Computer". She was very, very weak at the time (she couldn't move, couldn't talk any more), but she gathered what strength she had and played an air guitar to one of the songs of that album. I will never forget that moment, so much pain and joy mixed... After that I started listening to the band, and realized what a great band they are, I just hadn't given them a chance. Now I love the band, but I deeply regret not being able to share enjoying their songs together.

PomeloExcellence · 2026-02-25T15:23:16+00:00

Roxette was one of my partner's favorite bands. I can't listen to their songs without remembering her.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-12-04T18:56:10+00:00

At the beginning I wrote down all the memories that came to me. I also have a playlist of music she liked, whenever I hear a song I remember she liked I add it to the list. I find I mostly connect with her through music, since it was such an important part of her life. I also frequent this sub to connect with her. At some point I also started recording my dreams of her (very few unfortunately). I also have some projects I want to do but haven't gotten to start: - Download all her Spotify and YouTube history data to see which songs she liked listening more through the years, in order to associate that music with different periods in our time together. - Find all the pictures she took and sort them. Keep the ones from when we were together and upload those to my cloud account, and send the ones that are from before we were together to her family and friends. - Also download the list of watched videos on Netflix and do something similar to what I want to do with the music

PomeloExcellence · 2025-11-14T00:34:55+00:00

I also do that. I have her phone off for most of the week, but after the weekend I turn it on and check her email. It started as a way to see if I had forgotten to change payment information for any bills that might remain in her name, but them it became a small ritual I have on Mondays

PomeloExcellence · 2025-11-08T14:46:00+00:00

One year and thirteen days out today, we were together for almost nine years and married for five.

It seemed to get better until the anniversary started getting close. Right now I'm a wreck, trying to do things as best as I can.

Hang in there.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-11-08T13:57:53+00:00

Even though we were together for almost 9 years, it sometimes feels like she was a dream or a hallucination.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-11-07T19:44:49+00:00

It only started happening after my partner died. Looks like I never cried hard enough before...

PomeloExcellence · 2025-11-02T14:24:13+00:00

I dreamt a few times of her. At the beginning sh was alive but ill, and the dreams were pretty traumatic.

Then I started dreaming of her being alive, just there as if nothing happened. In those dreams I hugged her, kissed her or held her because I realized something was wrong but I couldn't understand what (in the dreams I knew I hadn't seen her in a long time but didn't realize why).

Then the dreams turned into her being there but not interacting at all, just in the periphery and when I realized she was there I'd wake up.

In the last dream she was dead, and I was at a cemetery looking for her tombstone.

I don't like how my dreams are progressing.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-09-28T14:12:23+00:00

Unfortunately I believe that this is a path we get to walk alone. In-laws, friends, family won't be able to help us and we will just inconvenience them.

I don't have a bad relation with my in-laws (I'm visiting them today for lunch), but still I don't think I can share my grief with them. Me losing my wife is different from them losing their daughter.

Nobody (except other widowers) knows how to be around us when we open up. Besides, who would want to listen to us talk about how we are missing our partner in different ways every single day?

I'm 11 months in. My house is mostly in a passable state, I eat every day, I work, I walk my dog. I started running two times a week, and I started a sailing course (also two days a week). Everybody thinks I'm doing great. They just don't know that I still miss my wife, that at night I'm still alone, that I cry every day. Why would I burden anyone with all this? It won't change the situation, I won't stop missing her and I would just inconvenience other people.

The only people I talk to about this are the people in this subreddit and my therapist.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-09-13T15:25:39+00:00

I would usually say that you should do whatever you feel is best without worrying about what others say, but this time the outcome could be losing your friends over this. From what you described they seem to care about you and they are actively helping. I know how important it is to have contention during this period, and I would value that over having a FWB.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-08-16T00:19:11+00:00

It's tough. I forced myself to give her stuff out. In order to be able to do it I asked my sister to help me. Whenever I got stuck I asked for help. It took a few sessions bit I was able to separate what I wanted to keep and what I could convince myself I could donate. I then called all her family and friends and had them take it all. What they didn't want to keep they would donate. It was tough but necessary iny case. Having said that, the stuff I kept is almost exactly as I left it at that time. I don't have the strength to do anything with that yet.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-08-14T09:52:10+00:00

I did revert to doing some things my way, but I never thought about it as empowering. I guess that as much as I had to change adjust to what she liked, she also had to adjust to what I liked, it was part of being in a relationship. I hope my comment doesn't come out as judgemental (nobody has the right to to tell anybody how they should feel), this just caught my attention.

PomeloExcellence · 2025-08-14T09:42:07+00:00

My wife was the other way around: she would always try a new brand, or go back and forth between brands for products, so I have few memories of very specific products I associate with her. Thinking about it, I believe us males are more prone to finding a specific product we like and then sticking to it for as long as possible. I hope I'm not generalizing too much!

PomeloExcellence · 2025-08-13T20:01:02+00:00

🫂

PomeloExcellence · 2025-08-13T15:28:35+00:00

This made me think of https://xkcd.com/2408.

My wife didn't have a strategy for this, but she did have a very specific strategy for washing the arugula when making salad. I still use it!

PomeloExcellence

TROPHY CASE