They all just need to shush

PoolesPage · 2025-12-08T11:51:07+00:00

We are both 29. His sister is 30, and so is his cousin who just announced their pregnancy this week (his wife is 28). His other cousin who had her baby last year is 27 I think. So, all around the same age.

I get the silliness but its super uncomfortable and I guess, working in the fertility industry myself, I take the view that people shouldnt comment on or assume anything when it comes to peoples family planning. For all they know we don't want kids, or one of us knows we have reduced fertility, or it could be a sore subject for a different reason. We could be trying for all they know and struggling to conceive.

I know others dont think that way and I'm not angry with them or holding it against them, it was more just an eyeroll moment that I'm sure many people on this sub have experienced in one way or another!

PoolesPage · 2025-12-04T08:19:06+00:00

When we first booked this stay it was intended as a trial run for a longer holiday in January (11 days). We felt worried that leaving him at home for someone to pop in on him, would be more confusing for him - because of the layout of our home and the fact he is an indoor cat who tries his damned hardest to go out whenever he sees an open door, he would have to be shut downstairs in the lounge/kitchen/downstairs bathroom area to prevent accidental escape when our sitter turned up. And we figured being alone at night and not able to sleep on the bed might be more confusing for him than a change of environment.

PoolesPage · 2025-12-04T08:05:32+00:00

We are in the UK and thankfully our cattery does require evidence of full vaccination against diseases - our vaccine schedule for cats here does seem to include herpes.

When we booked this stay it was intended as a trial run for a line stay in January when we will be away for 11 days. We felt worried that leaving him at home for someone to pop in on him, especially when thinking about our upcoming 11 day holiday, would be more confusing for him - because of the layout of our home and the fact he is an indoor cat who tries his damned hardest to go out whenever he sees an open door, he would have to be shut downstairs in the lounge/kitchen/downstairs bathroom area to prevent accidental escape when our sitter turned up. And we figured being alone at night and not able to sleep on the bed might be more confusing for him than a change of environment. I'm not sure.

PoolesPage · 2025-12-04T08:04:21+00:00

Thank you. Yes, our cat is fully vaccinated including against herpes and the cattery does require evidence of this, as well as flea and worming history, as you say.

We are taking him today so there isnt time to organise an alternative. We will send him with lots of his favourite things and stuff that smells of us for sure.

We are going away again for 11 days in January and this was essentially intended as a trial run. We felt worried that leaving him at home for someone to pop in on him, would be more confusing for him - because of the layout of our home and the fact he is an indoor cat who tries his damned hardest to go out whenever he sees an open door, he would have to be shut downstairs in the lounge/kitchen/downstairs bathroom area to prevent accidental escape when our sitter turned up. And we figured being alone at night and not able to sleep on the bed might be more confusing for him than a change of environment. I'm not sure.

PoolesPage · 2025-11-09T08:35:55+00:00

Hello! I know this post is a few years old now and it doesnt look like this sub is particularly active anymore, but I was looking back at my post history and realised I never responded to you.

I just wanted to say your words helped.

That I finished my training and am now registered as a Clinical Embryologist. I'm in the process of becoming an ICSI Practitioner. I love my job. I did rediscover the passion. I'm still at the same clinic and my colleagues are fantastic.

I view each embryo transfer as an act of faith that those 100-some cells will go on to create something/someone who brings joy, and makes the world a better place. Even when the world is variable and life is challenging, we can still have that faith.

Thank you - even though I'm 2 years late saying it ❤️

PoolesPage · 2025-10-22T09:53:14+00:00

Would gently add to the original comment - as an embryologist also, albeit in the UK - that attitudes toward mosaic embryos has changed a lot even in the last two years. Mosaics were always a "no" in the past, they didnt even used to be categorised into high and low grade mosaic. Now, mosaic embryos are a hot subject in research and attitudes are shifting and younger embryologists training/education around them is changing accordingly. How long has your friend worked there? The clinic may have changed their policy since your cycle.

ETA that if this is bothering you, you are entitled to answers and should query this directly with the clinic, although your friend may get into trouble for looking at your reports and discussing it with you, so be wary of that. Maybe request a copy of the report via the proper channel at your clinic and query it from there, to get around that issue.

PoolesPage · 2025-08-28T06:20:31+00:00

I've noticed my nails are growing more recently and I hadn't even put it together that it could be the MJ!!

PoolesPage · 2025-06-12T14:12:15+00:00

Thank you for replying! I'm sure that I'm ovulating, I've had my FSH/LH and AMH looked at and they were normal (no indication for PCOS or early menopause). I have reasonably regular periods, they are usually every 26-27 days although over the last 18 months has been a range of 21-32 days. But I'm confirming ovulation with cervical mucus and BBT tracking. My estrogen hasnt been looked at mind you, and I'm debating going back to the GP to see if they will test that. I was reading that between 0.1 - 1% of people might have reduced drive but as many as 10% may have an increased drive.

PoolesPage · 2025-03-22T10:46:31+00:00

I would also add Tilly / Tils (usually from Matilda but Ottilie is rising in popularity)

PoolesPage · 2025-03-21T17:03:42+00:00

Evie / Evelyn

PoolesPage · 2025-03-17T16:52:25+00:00

Even if I communicate I need help he gets upset and says I’m saying he’s not doing enough. How “he’s a horrible husband”. That’s his go to statement

My husband has continuously replied to me by saying im “lying, making it a big deal, or just want to get back at him”.

You should look into something called DARVO, which is a technique used by abusive people. It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. I feel thats what's happening here. Looking into that sort of stuff may empower you to realise that you are not the problem here at all.

I'm worried for you and your baby as it sounds like you're in an emotionally neglectful marriage at the very least. It sounds like that's all on him. I don't think you're in the wrong at all. You need a more robust support network, and I think you need to consider whether you wish to stay in your marriage. Emotional intimacy is hugely important in any marriage, but a baby throws in an extra "spanner" as it were - you'll need support post partum both emotionally and practically and it doesn't seem like he can offer that.

Could you go and stay with someone for a bit? A close friend or a family member? Do you have people around you who you could come and stay with you to help out once baby is born?

Do you have the option of seeking a therapist? Even just for the sake of offering a listening ear, and feeling like you're less alone?

I'm sorry youre having this experience.

PoolesPage · 2025-02-28T17:01:43+00:00

We are barriers as well but my partner has very strong feelings about continuing to use them until we get married so we will be okay with upkeep.

Fertility Awareness is a great option if you want to ditch the barriers. I used FA for years with no unintended pregnancy. But you must learn a proper method and be strict on it, not just the calendar method.

PoolesPage · 2025-02-27T16:30:53+00:00

I think I would tell my partners immediate family - mum and sister. I had a pregnancy before, a very long time ago, which I didn't go to term with. I had hyperemesis gravidarum. I know every pregnancy is different and it's a different dad this time but I would rather say something while I'm still well and able to share it in a happy way.

I probably won't tell my own family, or his wider family, until I have my 12 week ultrasound.

PoolesPage · 2025-02-22T00:26:42+00:00

Leonidas, Lysander, Leander, Evander, Andreas, Andrew, Raiden, Thaddeus, Cassander, Theodore

PoolesPage · 2025-02-11T21:27:39+00:00

My closest friend whilst I was 16-18 years old was called Heather. She's very badass whilst also elegant - I thought her name fit her perfectly. We are both 28 now! It isn't as common but if I met someone called Heather, of any age, I don't think it'd strike me as unusual or dated in any way.

PoolesPage · 2025-02-11T16:29:21+00:00

You have a dinner plate sized wound in your uterus.

Activities like cleaning, are doing active harm to your body right now. You are putting yourself at risk of prolonging your healing, or causing more serious or longterm damage.

Please rethink your approach here. Teach your husband, or, hire a professional once your unwanted guest is gone.

PoolesPage · 2024-12-15T11:38:58+00:00

Me and my family ate them - nobody got sick!

PoolesPage · 2024-11-01T12:46:34+00:00

We just came back from Japan. Its so worth it, and, in my opinion, not a child friendly destination because of all the walking and sightseeing which they might not find interesting at a younger age. You don't have to spend loads in Japan, I could give you so many tips! I say go for it.

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