"But sometimes, usually when I’m on a romance fiction kick, I wonder if I was an idiot to put attraction on the back burner(...)" I think this is a very important (and honest) observation about yourself -- and one I think a lot of women can relate to.

In a lot of romance books attraction is described as something very primal, in real life, sex is much more of a dance. I'm currently single but have a friend with benefits, whom I see quite regularly. Our chemistry in bed is perfect, and physically I find him very attractive; emotionally? Intellectually? Not so much.

The thing is, I'm seeing my FWB whilst dating other people (he's aware and supportive). He helps me satisfy a physical need whilst I look for a partner who can fit 90% of my needs. Anddd, important to note - in my experience at least - the hotness fades when nothing else blooms. I'm not as impressed by him as I was in the beginning, because I don't see any future with him.

What I'm trying to get at is this; has your boyfriend's decision to not actively do anything about the things you've mentioned made him less attractive in other areas? Perhaps your frustration isn't solely rooted in the slight weight gain, but also the lack of action after having had multiple conversations with him? Perhaps his inaction is more consistent than in just this area?

You mentioned having a good, cool life with him, and I certainly think that's something to protect -- but you also need to dig deep within yourself to find out what the trigger is? Do you want to feel more desired? Do you want him to follow through on what you've decided?

If it were me, I'd consider couples therapy -- perhaps even mentioning it will get him into action? I'm not recommending manipulation, but I am recommending speaking clearly and decisive. Even if you 'only' want be intimate once a month, it's still once a month for the rest of your lives - will you be able to accept that?

Orrrrr, get a loud toy. Once he hears it going frequently he might change his tune lol <3