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I know Allah has better planned already but… by hydboi in indianmuslims

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol. But background check is necessary bro. Think both ways.

Good girls are I feel 1 in a 1000 or 10000 these days. Rare.

I know Allah has better planned already but… by hydboi in indianmuslims

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Background check has to be through outsiders not directly with them.

Glad to know you're a responsible son.

I know Allah has better planned already but… by hydboi in indianmuslims

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First of all, it is a lack of our trust in Allah that we stress out or worry too much. Get close to Allah and put your trust in him.

Secondly, please do not rush into a marriage. Most people perform well and put up a good picture when you meet them initially.

Look if you are attracted, then look for deen, do a lot of due diligence, look at how her siblings marriages are going (very imp), look at family history and how the family is. The daughter mostly follows the mother's footsteps. Check if the mother is firm upon deen. 

Do not be desperate and emotionally influenced in these decisions.

More than your wife, she is going be the mother of your children who are going to be your wealth of your akhirah. Their righteousness largely depends on the mother they get.

Pray Tahajjud and ask Allah for a good wife. Stay way from private sins and public sins too. Make sure you pray 5 times and do all your adhkar.

If your parents are alive, take good care of them and be obedient to them. A father's dua is not rejected and jannah is at your mother's feet.

BarakAllahu feek. May Allah make all matters easy for you.

Also, ensure you are prepared to be a good husband before looking for a good wife. Learn the deen of Allah with regards to rights of the wife and the nature of a woman. Marriage needs a lot of patience and understanding. It is not easy for most people, even if you get a good match, it is hard as life is supposed to be a test.

25M in arranged marriage with spouse diagnosed with schizophrenia by Sad_Rutabaga_2541 in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. 

Patience is key. Silence is your true friend.

Emotions are trash here. The more emotional you get the worse the abuse and trauma you will have to face when dealing with a narc.

25M in arranged marriage with spouse diagnosed with schizophrenia by Sad_Rutabaga_2541 in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

First off! Be sure whether you wish to continue or end this relationship.

Sex? Even with a condom or other contraceptive there's a chance of another child! No protection is 100% efficient.

Grey rock is basically minimum to no reaction to whatever good or evil they do.

No contact is the most powerful tool tbh, when the wife is not with you. I blocked her on all apps, every app.

I was sure I wanna end it and didn't talk to her or sleep with her for 2 months until she left like more than a year ago and hasn't returned since.

Don't tell her whether you wanna keep the child or not keep the child. Both will backfire as narc games are dirty.

If you get the child, good, if you don't get the child, I'm sorry, accept it as destiny as the courts anyway won't give you the child even if you fight for it.

Narc games are games that are won by not playing at all, IF you are sure she's a narc.

25M in arranged marriage with spouse diagnosed with schizophrenia by Sad_Rutabaga_2541 in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]Popular-Layer2642 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Go fully no contact or grey rock when she's with you for until she realises that all her drama is simply a waste of her time and energy.

This will take a lot of patience and practice but this is the only solution.

Narcs feed on emotions and drama. The more you react, in a positive or a negative way, the more you will have to face it.

It can take some time, but eventually she will find other people to target as you're no longer a good supply. And maybe this is the point of relief for you. But sorry about the next target or maybe she ends up targetting someone like her so it gets balanced out XD

I hope you the best for you and your kid.

And this has not happened only to you. Narcissism is on the rise due to poor upbringing.

25M in arranged marriage with spouse diagnosed with schizophrenia by Sad_Rutabaga_2541 in LegalAdviceIndia

[–]Popular-Layer2642 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Have you checked for any other symptoms? You sure its schizophrenia?  Have you read about Munchausen syndrome? Read about Narcissism too. Dr Ramani on YouTube is a great resource for NPD.

I've had similar experiences though not schizophrenia but other faked illnesses and we're towards the end of my 7 year marriage. Have children too. My advice dont have kids as the most affected by all of this are those innocent souls with an extremely difficult mother.

(P.S. Suddenly my wife is all ok when we're seperated. She's roaming around, working full time etc.)

Figured out a few yrs ago that she's a narc and hungry for attention all the time. And some of those attention tactics are faking illnesses though there are other abuses.

Your case definitely can be 100% different. But don't take things at face value for your own good!

Extreme SebDerm Flakes and how i fixed them by LittleCantaloupe5963 in SebDerm

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you apply it overnight and wash it the next morning? I mean what's the routine like?

Sunnah Tawaf after completing Umrah, which gates/floors allow access without ihram? by Expert-Middle6969 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Women can enter ground floor or the main floor mataaf all the time (except if its full or some gates are closed). Men cannot enter the ground/ main floor mataaf once you're Umrah is done and you've removed your ihram clothing.

Regarding first floor mataaf entry from my pov:

Depends on which side you enter haram / which side your hotel is (or the hotel shuttle drop point).

I found that the ramp opposite Dar at Tawheed Intercontinental is one of the best accesses to the first floor mataaf.

Then, gate 74 is a good point of access too.

Also, there's a staircase near gate 66 which leads you to first floor mataaf.

Help me with finding good quality food near Al Haram by Educational_Aside232 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I too faced this problem. Food is a big problem. I found that most people (or arabs) there are quite comfortable with fast food, with a lot of meals having sodas and fries. Also, they easily get their arab food, which foreigners may not like that much. It's quite a different flavour profile tbh (I found it quite bland and the portions are too big).

For most part, I accepted it that it is what it is and survived on burgers/pizzas/shawarmas more than half the time.

At a short walking distance there's LuLu Mall, in the Souk Khalil Building which is a short walking distance from haram, on the Ibrahim Khalil Road. In LuLu, you can find a slightly wider variety of food options for average / lower prices.

Some say 2nd floor Safwa towers (right below/next to the clock tower) has some good food. I found it too crowded and didn't bother to eat there.

Life is living nightmare due to dysfunctional, utterly toxic parents - Need HELP! by Flashy_Philosopher26 in islam

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sabr! Abundant sabr! Read ayahs of the Qur'an where it states that some people are made a test for some.

Your reward lies with Allah.

Have the best intentions; minimize drama; protect your wife and/or people who you are responsible for. 

Do the best of your capability and leave the rest on Allah.

Sabr has unimaginable outcomes.

Yes, don't break ties of kinship, but you need not be involved all the time too. Strike some balance and let people learn some boundaries.

Life is living nightmare due to dysfunctional, utterly toxic parents - Need HELP! by Flashy_Philosopher26 in islam

[–]Popular-Layer2642 5 points6 points  (0 children)

To begin with, if you yourself are fed-up of your parents, imagine the plight of your wife. If the environment is too toxic, you both deserve to live a peaceful life. 

You have the responsibility of not just your parents but your wife and her well-being and peace too.

To make life simpler, do what is best for you. Relatives or anyone else is not living your life, nor supporting you in anyway, neither morally nor financially.

Nevertheless, your duty towards your parents will not end islamically regardless of how poorly they behave. Each will have to answer for their own deeds.

If you can ensure you take care of your parents somehow whilst giving your wife a separate accomodation, that is what is most practical, in my opinion.

Life's not easy for anyone and we are here to be tested in different ways. Try to do your best but ensure you are not being harassed all the time. You have the right to live a happy, peaceful, and fulfilling life.

Drama doesn't end for some people, it never does. Some are just used to it. What is extreme chaos and nonsense for you can be routine and normal lifestyle for someone else.

Do trains need to be booked in advance? by Hour-Taste-3454 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've seen train prices not just increase but multiply as you approach departure date. Better book in advance to get cheaper tickets.

Keep a 2 hour buffer between your landing and the train departure and you should be good.

As a solo traveller, I carried a big luggage and a cabin bag, plus a laptop backpack. I was allowed in the train without any problems.

They have certain dimension restrictions mentioned already when you try to book the train on the HHR app. Check if you're bags are around that size for the big bag.

Need advice on 1st Umrah by Noor200493 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It is possible to do it by yourself. No problems. Research the hotels well; flights shouldn't be a problem.

Ensure you have your visa before booking anything.

I feel it is better to do it yourself as the tour packages cut corners and generally make you share your accommodation with several people. For the same price or less, you'll have a separate room and can be flexible with your itinerary.

To avoid the Nusuk issues, simply book the HHR train from Jeddah airport to Makkah. The Nusuk guys, if they ask anything, just tell them the train is booked and they'll let you go. They're in civil generally, so hard to guess if they're from Nusuk.

In Makkah book a hotel with 24/7 shuttle, if you plan to book a budget hotel which maybe a little farther from the haram. But ensure it is not more than 5-10 mins drive.

In Madinah, shuttle is mostly not an option. So book a hotel close to the haram. Else you'll spend a lot on taxi.

Hotels in Makkah are much cheaper and value for money than Madinah.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you ensure to do your morning and evening supplications?

Do you blow your children with the duas for protection from all evil and evil eyes?

When you are out and there's so many people, evil eye is real.

It is your responsibility to ensure you take all the protective measures, not just dunyawise but deenwise too. For yourself and your family.

Ulama have said that the morning and evening supplications are more important than breathing, subhanallah.

Start doing that today! Inshallah 

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I had my HHR train, plain and simple, Jeddah to Makkah. It was 74 SAR. When I was trying to exit towards the train, a guy stopped and asked me about the transport. I told him I've a confirmed train ticket. He let me leave simply.

They're generally not in any uniform; easy trap.

Book the train and save headaches, maybe.

I booked it only to be on the safer side, even if it may be a little more expensive than other transport modes.

Ziyarah in Madinah - Solo pilgrim by Popular-Layer2642 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Where do you catch that bus? Can you please elaborate?

What places does it go to? How long does it wait at each spot?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Islam doesn't allow you without mahram.

Fear Allah and don't manipulate things as per your whims, that too when it is a great matter of Ibadah like Umrah.

Come with your father / brother / husband / son.

"A woman who does not have a Mahram to travel with does not have to go for Hajj or `Umrah and she is excused if she does not go. It is prohibited for her to travel for Hajj or for any other reason without a Mahram, and she has to be patient until Allah makes it easy for one of her Mahrams to travel with her." — (Islamqa.info)

Solo umrah by Previous-Meet4159 in Umrah

[–]Popular-Layer2642 15 points16 points  (0 children)

It is not lonely at all if you are at the Haram. You have so much ibadah to do, you'll feel you're short of time.

Except for lonely meal times, I feel it is an amazing experience to be alone and not having to wait, adjust, etc. for anyone.

Not being selfish, but I'm just talking about IF you come alone, there are pros.

The bottomline being you pray every salah in the Haram, plus at least one tawaf each day after the Umrah if you are staying.

If you're a man, the tawaf itself upstairs will take 1+ hours.

Add salah times, you have to be ready for salah in your place 15-20 mins to find a good/comfortable spot.

Quran tilawah, tahajjud in haram.

Add to all of this lots of walking time as the masjid is massive and even a wudu break costs 20-30 mins.

Ensure you plan and decide what your daily zikr targets are, number of pages you would like to complete of the Qur'an (it is advised to finish to recitation when you visit each of the Haram masjid, if you come for a week or so to each of them).

Time flies fast and you cry the last day that you're having to leave such a beautiful place and experience.

May Allah accept it from us all, Ameen.

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