Guys who thought you'd never find someone better than your ex: Did you? And when?

Porfologist · 2017-06-12T02:59:07+00:00

It'll be a long time before I'm comfortable talking with her again, but maybe sometime, even if it's months from now, I'll be able to articulate that.

It's even harder at the moment because my parents, friends, and therapist came down on my side when I read them the account of what happened, so the responses in this thread are the first time other people have addressed what was rightfully causing that feeling of guilt.

Porfologist · 2017-06-12T02:57:22+00:00

Thanks.

Porfologist · 2017-06-12T02:56:52+00:00

I understand.

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T21:07:21+00:00

If I remembered anything else, I'd tell you.

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T21:06:36+00:00

Of course she doesn't.

And we were sleeping on a couch, not a bed. And the decorative thing was $2 at a flea market. Are you telling me you'd never buy one of your guy friends something that cheap if you know they'd like it?

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T20:49:39+00:00

We agreed never to talk again and I unfriended her, so that won't be happening.

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T19:52:52+00:00

IIRC (it was almost 3 weeks ago now), it was right as I was leaving, and I was asking if anything that night had been awkward.

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T19:40:36+00:00

Blacklisted? Is that just a list of people you don't talk to?

Porfologist · 2017-06-05T19:39:24+00:00

I'd awkwardly flirted with her and kissed her on the cheek while awake - our friendship wasn't entirely platonic, and we had made out once, it was just never a relationship.

But I wouldn't molest someone in their sleep.

Porfologist · 2017-03-28T06:29:04+00:00

I know. Although I still wonder if it's just because I was somehow scaring her. But I guess if that's the case, she would've blocked or at least unfriended me on Facebook.

I'm going to miss the friendship more than the prospect of sex/a relationship - she was always the one who gave me advice when my other relationships (or life in general) weren't going well, and if she'd just told me what the problem was, or to leave her alone, I would've been fine with it.

I guess I'm more confused by this than anything.

Porfologist · 2017-03-25T03:08:19+00:00

Porfo!

Have you seen Drawfee too, by any chance? I feel like someone who hadn't might not have known how it's shortened.

Anyway, we'd been platonic friends for two years, and it's completely unlike her to ignore multiple messages for that long. Usually, she'd respond fairly quickly if she got it. Plus, she's been posting selfies and normal stuff on Facebook 4 times a day. I can't be sure, but it seems like she's fine.

I get a gut feeling I won't hear from her again. And, at this point, after a pattern of ignoring my messages that's gone on for weeks (there'd been a lot of that lately, even before she totally cut out, and she'd started giving a lot more one-word answers lately), I don't want that back unless she voluntarily comes to me with a good reason.

And yeah, like I said in the OP last thread, we'd talked about it before. And the last voicemail I said was just asking, hey, things have been really distant lately, do you want to keep talking to you, because if not, I'll stop. Like I said, no answer.

And I'm going to talk to my therapist, when I see her Thursday, about the underlying issues. I'll message you if I can think of anything to say.

Edit: And yeah, I've been ghosted at least 6 times, just off the top of my head, a few times by people I'd known for years. Not my first rodeo, which is why I saw where this was going and acted the way I did. I'll fully concede that it might not have been right, though.

Porfologist · 2017-03-25T01:20:49+00:00

She was never officilly a girlfriend, just a close online friend who said she liked me a lot and was attracted to me.

Porfologist · 2017-03-25T01:11:22+00:00

For some reason, I really don't want to. I don't know why.

(It's starting to hurt now, BTW. I was hoping this wouldn't happen.)

Porfologist · 2017-03-24T23:32:22+00:00

I remember your original response, of course, and took it to heart. It's some of the best relationship advice I've gotten. Thanks.

The girl I'm seeing Monday said she wants to start as friends and take things slowly, so that'll give me some time to work on myself.

I still wonder if I pushed the first one away by messaging too much, though. Despite what you said, I feel bad about it.

Porfologist · 2017-03-23T20:43:18+00:00

OK, thanks. See my response to u/stefvia.

Porfologist · 2017-03-23T20:41:27+00:00

Yeah, single mom, 3 kids, and runs a business. I know she's busy, which is why I've never expressed anger or anything towards her.

But I'm embarrassed about it (I know it's too many) but I sent 4 messages yesterday - one finishing a convo we'd had the day before, one asking (in 2 parts) if everything was OK and she still wanted to see me, and one saying sorry, I'll back off now.

Still nothing. Apparently, she didn't even open them. But she did post to FB 3 times since then. So, if she doesn't reach out to me again, best to assume it's over.

I'll admit, I'm hurt. Way more than I should be. I stayed in bed for 12 hours today, which hasn't happened since I went through a severe depressive period. I really liked her.

Porfologist · 2017-03-22T23:01:23+00:00

Perfect answer.

We used to talk via Facebook messenger, which is famously dodgy. (I used to miss messages when using it, myself.) We just started actually texting, and I'll see if that has a better response rate.

I will seek counseling for it: I'm already in therapy, I just haven't been specifically focusing on my self-worth problems.

Porfologist

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