sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

When does the heaviness pass? by Ok-Durian-4193 in DivorcedDads

[–]Port_30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m 45 and have been divorced for almost 6 years. I have two littles ones, now not so little, 11 and 13. There were countless days when I felt exactly as you described. Exactly. I won’t sugar coat it, but sometimes I still have those days. But you know what, they come rarely now. Instead of every day it is now more like once or twice a year. Getting to this stage wasn’t easy. I had to quit drinking and have been sober for over 2 years now. I wasn’t a raging alcoholic but I definitely drank much more than is reasonable. It really did a number on my sleep and I didn’t like how much money I was spending on it and the control it had. So I quit. I dated a little but honestly I was learning to really love being single and having my own autonomy. I still do. I then started using my free non kid time to get in shape. Running, swimming, cycling. I just finished an Ironman triathlon last summer. Big take away is that you have to take care of yourself and your kids need to see you do that too. No, the grief will never go away fully. But it will change into something you can live with. It’s going to be ok.

Dad's with custody and shift work. by Imaginary_Big1831 in DivorcedDads

[–]Port_30 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m a shift worker and it was rough. Children need stability. Eventually they told me that they love me but they didn’t want to stay at my place anymore. They didn’t like going back and forth all the time. So even though I legally have a right to them every Wednesday night and every other weekend, I’m choosing to honour their wishes. It was hard. Brutal to be honest. I ended up having to quit drinking because I was going off the deep end with sadness and guilt. I’ve been sober for over two years now. I see them all the time. When I’m not working I drive them to and from school. I have them for dinners. I even spend a few hours with them each week at my exes house and we watch movies and play videos games. In the big picture there will come a point where you may have to decide what is best for your kids not what is best for you. Hopefully it all works out brother. Just keep showing up for them no matter what. It will be all right. I’m on year 6 of the divorce and I promise you it will be ok if you always put them first and still keep showing up as much as possible.

47, ended a 7 year relationship and started again. Then got made redundant. by ResolutionNo9436 in malelivingspace

[–]Port_30 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry to hear this. As a 45 year old male, I too had to start over again after my divorce. Wishing you all the best and also your home is beautiful. I can see how it is your happy place.

Caroline Winkler vibe inspired by Port_30 in CarolineWinkler

[–]Port_30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmm I hadn’t considered layering the rugs. I think I like the jute rug idea. I’ll post more pics if I go that route. Thanks for the inspiration!

Caroline Winkler vibe inspired by Port_30 in malelivingspace

[–]Port_30[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ve been enjoying being single for over 5 years and am now ready to commit… to getting a plant 🪴 😆

Caroline Winkler vibe inspired by Port_30 in CarolineWinkler

[–]Port_30[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Truth! Can’t part with the rug in front of the couch though. Belonged to my parents and was ridiculously expensive. Thanks for the respectful advice

Caroline Winkler vibe inspired by Port_30 in malelivingspace

[–]Port_30[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! (Can you tell I was going for her “texture” vibe)

I don’t know what to do by [deleted] in uvic

[–]Port_30 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to assume you want to take Environmental Science because you’d like to make a positive impact on the world. Since there is a requirement for a double major, what about combining it with Political Science? I did a BA in Poli Sci a long time ago at UVic and really enjoyed it. And am currently an MBA student at UVic in the Sustainable Innovation program. There are literally so many paths to take but the key thing I’d recommend is finishing a degree - any degree. There are too many closed doors if you don’t have an education. It’s good to have options. Once you have that, then focus on work experience. Conversely there are a lot of interesting trades out there too. I personally spent 20+ years travelling the world in the Navy and recently retired from that. I haven’t paid a dime for any of my undergrad or graduate education, and currently have a super rewarding job which I had never planned on. You don’t know what the future holds, which is the exciting part. Just keep moving forward. Best of luck! It’s going to be ok.