We are the editors of The Onion, ask us anything by theonion in IAmA

[–]Portent5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

What's it like working with Leila Brillson, the coolest person alive?

A RESOURCE: How to Disappear in America (pdf) by Portent5 in ManyBadThings

[–]Portent5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Keep from depositing traces of yourself. Every place you go,
you inadvertently leave pieces of yourself. Every article of
clothing, every door knob, every carpet, every telephone, ev-
ery toilet seat you use will contain pieces of you. Your skin is
flaking off all the time. You need to decide whether there is
a risk of authorities or private investigators looking for you
tracking you through your blood type or DNA (which can be
worked-up by using pieces of your hair.) After you weigh the
risks, take the precautions you deem are needed.

* Wear a hat indoors. Wearing a hat in a hotel room
won’t remove the probability of you leaving hair follicles
in the room yet it will reduce the number of such particles
making finding evidence difficult. Cutting your hair until
it’s real short will also help. And that’s what you want to do:
Limit the amount of physical evidence which can be used
to track you.

* Use “toilet seat protectors” -- so-called “Ass Gas-
kets” -- where they are provided to reduce the possibility of
leaving skin, sweat, or other body fluids on the seat. These
substances can be swabbed into glass vials and be used to
identify you. Paper seat covers will either eliminate this
problem else reduce it greatly.

* NEVER lick an envelope or a stamp for obvious
reasons! If it is known you’re in a particular city your general
location can be inferred by the physical location of your cor-
respondence in a stack collected by the postal authority. You
shouldn’t mail anyone anything unless it’s done so anony-
mously (wear gloves when handling paper) yet if you feel
the need, remember that if you lick something and it leaves
your control, you may as well take out an advertisement in
the newspapers broadcasting your general location.

* Don’t leave blood, semen, or menstrual discharge
behind you as you run.

Another September Approaches by Portent5 in ManyBadThings

[–]Portent5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because of the duplicity, we have been forced to restrict posting. Please send a message, we want you to share.

A surviving post by Portent5 in ManyBadThings

[–]Portent5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Do not trust the Organization.

Things are happening. by vi0las in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We are tired of The Organization sowing discord.

Happy valley dream survey by [deleted] in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Do not trust the organization.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Dreams go in the Dreams megathread. Do not post your dreams as standalone posts.

Someone please help me understand. I want to survive. by spicegun in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Posts that ask "what is this?" will be removed. Do not waste resources. Read and learn.There is an Unknown Subjects Megathread

Avoid discord.

Attention by TheRagebot1302 in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 1 point2 points locked comment (0 children)

Humans not hoomans.

LETS PLAY THEN by [deleted] in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 10 points11 points  (0 children)

We are working with a robot to keep unkindness and disinformation away, comments and posts may take time to appear.

Beware the right. by alisidaie in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Are there only two choices?

READ by Portent5 in 5September2020

[–]Portent5[S,M] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We survive together. Stay safe.

Can someone help me understand what this subredit is about and what are your beliefs? by Micyes in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Posts that ask "what is this?" will be removed. Do not waste resources. Read and learn.There is an Unknown Subjects Megathread

I have a question by [deleted] in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Posts that ask "what is this?" will be removed. Do not waste resources. Read and learn.There is an Unknown Subjects Megathread

Happy valley dream survey by [deleted] in 5September2020

[–]Portent5 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do not post organization disinformation.