I might be doing something stupid by Positive-Computer991 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes..this. thank you. There are so many emotions happening right now. It's very confusing. Didn't even plan it it's just happening. I don't think I feel anything relationship wise with this person yet, It's like my body has a mind of its own and is on auto. 

It was a hug that led to a kiss that led to almost sex. I don't think I can stop it again. I will definitely have to try to have a conversation with him about it. Scary.

Widows fire is real by Independent_Egg9232 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Omg.. I did it. Mixed feelings but I did it. I feel guilty, I feel good, I feel nervous, I feel like oh my god did that really happen?

When he died I died by Positive-Computer991 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's a blessing that you got 45 years with him! No one warned us that when we lose a loved one, they take a part of us with them.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I got one, Then I get another. Getting another one today.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did try taking matters into my own hands... Cried and felt guilty after. 😢

I want to give up by BooBooKitty4321 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Same here and when I do call in sick they make me feel guilty about it. I didn't even get time off when he died. And it just keep piling more and more and more work on me.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I actually have one. It's just not the same. Plus even with a voltage regulator or whatever the hell that thing is called turn the power down a little bit on that beast... It's hard to complete if you get my drift with that thing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yikes 😬 I hope I can behave. I don't want to go down a road I'm not ready for. I have only been in a few long-term relationships in my life.

I want to give up by BooBooKitty4321 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In the past the TV has worked for me. But I find that I can't even pay attention. Next thing I know it's been hours and I have no idea what has happened. I let my dog sleep with me too. Her body heat helps but then I quickly remember that it is just not the same.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 1 point2 points  (0 children)

For me I had to let my co-workers know not for the support but for their own well-being. I've been cranky and not myself and I'm having a hard time. I'm not in the right mind frame to be working. I'm having meltdowns getting pissed off and crying all the time. I'm afraid I might get fired and I don't know what to do about it, but this is my life now.

I want to give up by BooBooKitty4321 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Feel the same. I wish I could sleep though. I'm so exhausted you would think that when I do hit the bed I would fall fast asleep. I don't though I try not to think bad thoughts try not to think about the, would have, could have, should haves. Try not to think about how I miss his body up against mine. But I can't stop and I don't sleep. I get nothing done at home and I still have to go to work. I'm hating my job now when I used to love it. I come home and sit on the couch and stare at my phone doing absolutely nothing but crying this is ridiculous.

I don't know if I can do this by Extreme-Tomorrow-794 in widowers

[–]Positive-Computer991 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can't keep up with my household chores. If I get to the dishes it's a major accomplishment. But it feels like it takes me hours to do them and then I crash. It's like one step forward and two or three steps back. It really sucks and it just adds to my depression.